The Silent Treatment Trap

[natured]

Hello my special virtual amigos ...

I'm so excited for this MyTake, also because if it wherent for you guys, I wouldn't be able nor inspired to write about this topic. Because I'm sure MOST if not ALL of us have been through a situation like this. Family member, friend, partner, collegue and so on. This tactic is used by anyone no matter the relationship.

But i'm sure we feel more hurt when this happens with a partner or a parent....

Some of us might be guilty as charged and tried this manipulative tactic, some of us might have been victims of it, or all of the above.

I admit, I did it twice but they lasted just 1 hour and I will explain how we actually found common ground and solved this problem permanently. (7 Years of a happy relationship here guys so we must have done something right *shrugs*)

The Silent Treatment is regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and might go as far as psychological abuse... I thought about asking our G@G community for thoughts and Ideas, and I WAS SURPRISED that 99,9 % actually agreed on the same thing:

It's emotional abuse

I have selected a few answers that will proove to you that this tactic is literally sickening, but trust me I was surprised by most of you guys, you can click here and read all the answeres to yourself, there are more than 100 answers, i'm SIMPLY AMAZED BY HOW DIFFERENTLY PEOPLE ACRUALLY FEEL ABOUT THIS TOPIC, but they all have one thing in common, it's IMMATURE AND TOXIC.

Communicating is the key

Again, talking about what you want and how you want it, is just refreshing for every relationship

Again, talking talking talking, it's all about communication

A low percetange claimed that they are actually happy when their partner "shuts up", so they can enjoy silence and claim some "me time" ...

And this is when I get disturbed, this is when I loose all my elegance and nerves, i find it cruel to actually SEEK this treatment for your own gratification and satisfaction. This method, is even more toxic than silent treatment itself... Don't you agree?

I think it's wrong to provoke situations like these for your selfish reasons, instead, TALK, tell your partner that spending some time alone is actually healthy for the relationship. This is a legit fact, and it will refreshen every relationship no matter if it's hanging on a string or not.

As i said above, it happened to me, I DID IT, and i'm not proud of it. And to those that actually commented things like "I'd dump her right away" they should understand that everyone makes mistakes, some mistakes can be fixed, especially this particular one. But it always takes two, my partner confronted me, he made me understand that silence treatments in a relationship won't solve anything, because HE CAN'T READ MY MIND, so he doesn't know how to behave.

So I learned to talk, and ever since it never happened again. I understood, I knew that I can talk to him and it never happened ever since.

BUT HE OPENED THIS DOOR FOR ME, to save the relationship, he didn't leave me there saying that " THIS IS A PUNISHMENT " you cannot punish someone you love, it's useless it's senseless and it's ALSO TOXIC TO PUNISH PEOPLE THIS WAY....

Yes I'd rather discuss this even for hours, until we find a solution to whatever problem we're facing.

Yes, if this mistake is a repeated one, even after your partner gave you plenty of chances to talk and to solve, then it's a relationship that is destined to fail.

If you are suffering from this habit, as in you being someone that actually thinks that giving someone the silent treatment will resolve things, then you should seriously read each and every comment because they will help you reflect with yourself and you might even find a solution.

You have to know that this is TOXIC, you might think that punishing another person by not talking, and you might think that the other person will feel bad for you and that they will miss you, I mean that's the whole "logic" behind this tactic right... Well I have news for you

IT DOESN'T WORK !!!!

So Talk, don't be afraid to speak your mind, STAND YOUR GROUND if you think that there is something wrong, but don't give the object your silent treatment, it will even make them think that THEY WON OVER THIS, and will even enjoy the distance you give them....

I like to thank each and everyone that took their time to comment on my question, I appreciate every single one of you, because I'm sure this could be an eye opener to many people that swear to this toxic tactic...

I'm still waiting for more and more comments about this phenomenon, and continue to discuss it, learn from each other...

Many Hugs

-D-

P.s. Be adviced, I have asked for permission to the commenters in order to publish their answers, I did not publish nor did i missuse their comments and information, treat your fellow virtual amigos with respect and always ask before using a content that is not yours. I did not publish every comment even if i had permissione granted due to the length of this article.

[Still-alive]

thank oyu for the mention.

Yes please women DO NOT use this ever! it is a cruel thing to do. just tell me blatantly what i did wrong and let me have an opportunity to correct the behavior for you!

[Lliam]

Another excellent MyTake, Natured.

What can I say? I couldn't agree more.

The silent treatment is the most disrespectful thing one can do. It's like saying "You make me sick", "You're so stupid that I want nothing more to do with you." It's almost like saying "I hate you."
And when someone treats me that way, I want nothing more to do with them, either. It makes me fume. And I may not like them again unless they realize what they did and apologize. If then never do apologize, I carry the resentment forever. That's how badly it makes me feel.

Communication is everything in a relationship. However, people have to learn how to do it properly - respectfully, with an open mind, non-defensively, using active listening techniques. It is more important for a person to feel like they are head and understood than to reach ageement. It's also imperative that your partner know that you love and respect them and want their happiness. You want to find solutions that you both can live with.
Also, focus only on the issue at hand and don't bring up other shit or past resentments.

It IS best not to continue. a discussion when angry. Anger is an altered state of conscious. It causes people to lash out and say things they may regret. Once uttered, words can't be deleted. So rather than let things escalate, follow CallmeTheKnight's advice. Call a time out. Say that you need time to think, process, or to calm down. Set a specific time, sometime soon, maybe the next day, to continue the discussion. Before you temporarily end the discussion, say "I love you."
Speaking for myself, I often have a completely different perspective once I have had time to process and ponder.

The silent treatment as punishment is a sadistic form of coercion. As you said, it is NEVER healthy or productive to punish your partner. They are not a child.
Punishment causes trauma. People (and animals) respond to reward. If you want to "train" your partner, give them positive reinforcement.

[boombastik]

My ex would sneak around or do something that really bothered me but the most painful part was knowing I couldn't even talk to her about it to work it out or just come to an understanding so I could not be so hurt because if I even mentioned it in a non-argumentative way she would turn it around on me and make me feel 10 times worse than before and then on top of that you can bet your ass I was getting the silent treatment which could last for a month easy sometimes but at least a week or two. So on top of all that hurt I was getting punished. How dare i have feelings or communicate with my woman!

[FictionalCharacter]

I don’t give anyone the silent trap. But they better be prepared for what I’m about to say and see if they still want to stick around.

[boombastik]

Lol, Virgo here... I love it, that is so me. I get mad if you try and give me advice but I also get mad if you don't say anything lol. I don't know if it's my voice, my tone or the fact that I'm actually speaking up about something as I can also word shit in a smartass way. I've had good friend get mad at me saying I'm being a smart ass when in reality I'm just answering them really quick and very direct with no emotion. This happens a lot when I'm in a good mood and nobody has done anything to piss me off lol.

[Juxtapose]

lol if you really want to fuck with someone giving you the silent treatment just bring a really hot woman (preferably a trusted friend) with you home to "hang out" xD

Then whenever your partner says something, just ignore them.

I wouldn't personally do this, it's just something that came up in my head.

[worldscolide]

Thanks for putting this out there. I was one of your commenters on the original question.. And you're absolutely right here.

[Nikola321]

You are absolutelly right! I wouldn'tever use silent treatment cuz I am already too complicated to understand even when talking let alone w silent treatment :D

[Supernormal]

Always organised to a fault. You must be hard-working. And relentless

[Anonymous]

Being autistic, sitting in silence with someone is what I desire. Silence to me is comfortable. So this maybe true for neurotypical people; but I don't think it holds true for neurodivergent people.

[Juxtapose]

Autistic people are outlier and not the norm so why even mention them?

[Juxtapose]

*are an

[Opinion Owner]

Why not? Understanding other people and how they feel about various issues helps us be better people. Plus we are as common as the lgbt+ community; and they have been dominating the conversations of today. So it stands to reason we at least deserve a mention in pertinent conversations.

[Juxtapose]

I am bi & autistic myself but it seems like you are playing dumb.

"So maybe this is true for neurotypical people"

#1 Who talks like that? Just say "normal people" otherwise people are going to look at you like you have 3 heads.

#2 You must KNOW how normal people view things, you're older than me. If being shunned out of spite & ignored is pleasant to you, then you're COMPLETELY ignoring the social landscape to a staggering degree.

People who aren't like us are gonna see your original message and think: "wtf is this weirdo talkin' about? He missed the whole point.. what a DUMBASS."

(Not trying to belittle you, just bein' straight up with you.)

[Opinion Owner]

1. I talk like this.

2. No I don't know how normal people think or view things. What I was trying to get at is that the silent treatment would have the opposite effect on me. As I enjoy silence and value more alone time than others. I think that you are specifically trying to belittle me as you seem to ignore the point I was trying to make. And instead utilize an ad hominem attack veiled as how others would view me. If you don't view my opinion as holding true it would be easier just to say that. Instead of first attacking the validity of stating my point of view. And then attacking how I presented it.

[Juxtapose]

I think you are playing dumb because how could you not know that the silent treatment is done out of spite? Do you *LIKE* your girl to be pissed off at you? To resent you so thoroughly as to try and excommunicate you?

It's not the same as you two sitting side-by-side and a park and enjoying the tranquility of nature.. the silent treatment is your woman being deeply unsatisfied with you.. it's obvious.

And dude.. don't whine about ad hominem attacks. It makes you look like a bitch.

[Juxtapose]

*in a park

[Opinion Owner]

If you can't make an argument without an ad hominem attack then your argument isn't worth making. It makes your arguments look like they can't stand up on their own.

I am not trying to be uninformed. I understand that the motivation is typically for spite; however the objective of hurting me is completely missed when it is attempted upon myself. I don't understand the nuances of human interaction. So unless she told me that she was unhappy or visibly scowling at me. I would be oblivious to it. I thought you said that you were autistic? How do you not know that we don't communicate as effectively as normal people?

[Juxtapose]

"How do you not know that we don't communicate as effectively as normal people?"

I do, but with age comes experience. I learned social nuances like I did with math. It wasn't intuitive at all, I had to be taught about eye contact and all that jazz. Most of my autistic friends are on the mild side like I am.

Pattern recongonition is key. If she's not behaving normally, something might be up. Especially if she is avoiding you. Look at her facial expressions too.

[Opinion Owner]

I only found out that I was autistic recently. So I didn't get any help with that growing up. I was just the weird kid off by himself.

[Juxtapose]

Oh that sucks, I was diagnosed at age 5 by top professionals in the country and without that early treatment I would have been a lot worse off.

Thank fuck for having rich parents who give a shit!

[Juxtapose]

I know the feeling though, I could settle lunch table and people would leave.

Thankfully a few cute girls would end up sitting with me but I was too clueless at the time to recognize the signs of flirting.

[Juxtapose]

*sit in lunch tables

[legalboxers]

just be silent.. dont say a word.. like your being arrested.. you stay quiet

[Anonymous]

Don't be posting other people's posts in your questions or i will report it as being a members post

[natured]

If you learn to read until the end you will understand clearly that I asked for their permission, and G@G knows this.
So stop being a child, Read it or Leave it :)

[Opinion Owner]

Wow, what an asshole you are

[natured]

Thank you ;)

[msc545]

The silent treatment is a cowardly tactic at best.

[NoLookingAtSoleil]

Toxic usually means they are transgender

[NoLookingAtSoleil]

@Donaldtrumpisorsnge cool, still 59% of sane left

[shydude1991]

Ohh you speak Spanish?

[Sketti2021]

Very nice 👌

[Pogi-Paddy-2]

Sounds good to me.