Ghosting: the practice of ending a relationship/friendship abruptly without communication or closure and with passive-aggressively ignoring communication from the other party.
Honestly, in my opinion, ghosting isn't always a bad thing. Here's why: First and foremost, so many things can happen in life in general. Is it possible that your friend read your message but then got in an altercation? Absolutely. That's life. I think you should ask the other person if they're okay if you're really that worried about them since anything can happen. Second, it's rare that someone who truly cares about you will "ghost" you. Dont get me wrong, people can still technically ghost you. Heck, I technically do it all the time by removing notifications from text messages so then I just forget that my friend sent a text and I'm like welp I basically ghosted them just not blatantly. Let's be real: if you friend is messaging you every minute of the day then you are very close but also you and your friend need a serious break from screen time in my opinion. Trust me, as a former boy scout thats seen some beautiful things in nature I can tell you there's more to the world than what's on your phone and honestly if your that worried about your friend ghosting you, go drive to their house and try to hang out if you know their not busy. Third: it could be a fake friend. Now this is obviously hard to tell but if someone who you consider as a friend leaves you on read a lot on purpose or only gives basic responses and makes a lot of excuses as to why they didn't reply then yeah that's an obvious sign they are ghosting you on purpose. Fourth: common sense. You have your own schedule and your friend probably has a different schedule. I mean, if you and your friend have the same schedule your literally in such a small percentage. I think you see where I'm going with this. It's possible your friend read your message while you were sleeping or maybe they read your message while you were at work and you didn't even notice they ghosted you at all because you never checked your phone until later in your shift or on your break. Simply put, your friend ghosted you because they knew you weren't going to respond so they didn't even bother trying to message you or it could have been that they read your message while at work and didn't have time to properly respond
That’s an exhaustive list. I love your answer. Unfortunately, the third category you mentioned is why I asked the question, or at least that’s what I’ve started to believe. All others are normal and I’m not they type who holds grudges over nothing. It’s not just the ghosting itself, it’s also how they speak when they choose to communicate.
Having friends is very overrated in my opinion. I find it to be a waste of time when all you do is mess around without achieving any of your goals (e. g. getting in shape, learning how to code etc.). Also, at some point, there's just no benefit to having a friend because all you're doing is keeping in touch with them daily which doesn't achieve anything (I think it wastes some time for both parties) so it could be beneficial for both people to not speak to each other.
I used to think that it's good to go out of your way to maintain a friendship because western culture made it seem like that was beneficial, but it may be inevitable that two people will split eventually if they have different plans for their lives, and I don't see a problem with that.
Certain individuals are so caught up in trying not to look lonely that they've subconsciously made it their life goal to have friends around them, while jeopardising other goals that would actually have a tangible impact. These same people think that saying "you have no friends" is an insult probably because they are often mediocre, so having friends is their biggest achievement.
I ghost people for the reasons above in addition to the fact that I just don't like small talk. I also avoid making new friends because I'm aware they'll probably be temporary and I dread having to acknowledge their presence after our inital meeting, even though we will never end up talking again.
I understand where you’re coming from. But I think we need one or two good friends who respect us/our goals/our time, don’t you think? We’re meant to be social creatures (though I admit I’m not that social).
@thosecognaceyes I myself have two close friends at the moment, but I don't know if I need them (although our inside jokes make life a lot happier) and if they left for their benefit, I wouldn't see a problem because I'd want them to take opportunities that would have a good impact on their lives.
Both of them have goals in mind and that's one thing I would want in a friend, if not, I'll strongly encourage them to consider where they want to be in the future and to act on that. People that have no ambitions (nor want to have any) are not my type of people.
I did it to many and I will still do it to people who deserve it. If we can't reciprocate the same energy in the friendship and I am doing all the reaching out, the supporting and positivity, I am going to drop you. I you back stab on the down low and I found out you're dropped. I dont have the patience or the capcity to care anymore to explain why I am going to drop you.
**Here is an example of one person I dropped**
I had a friend that I spent money on, called, gave good/honest advice and support. I was the used friend out of all her friends which couldnt/wouldn't do the same for her, I had substance. I got an epiphany, so I started to get cold and made new friends, she told me O had changed blah blah, she sorta disappeared I didn't really realised until people kept asking me for her. I unfriended her & not long after unfriending her she sent me friend request, I accepted it but didn't start any conversation (i was busy anuways and was working). Sometime after she pops up in my dm talking reminiscing about how we hung out so much in the past blah blah, I was very dry and had short replies. Maybe she got the message (I would be happy if she did), but she never tried sparking up a convo again. Now that I think of it she had a baby when she reached out to me, also I saw her post about during pregnancy people must there and that people lose friends when pregnant. I wonder if thays why she reached out but oh well I am no one's rebound.
I understand all you said and it’s valid. But in my question, I’m referring to people who ghost you out of nothing. Drawing boundaries for legitimate reasons is good.
1. I feel like people steal my personality/ style/ body languages/ and EVEN flaws... and then pretend to be so authentic with it.
2. Some of your “ friends “ are secretly in love with you. There should be no reason your friend should be upset with you for focusing on yourself for a period of time. It’s weird. You’re not my partner and you’re not fucking me. Chill out.
3. Bouncing of #2: sometimes we need time to ourselves. We need to focus on the things mandatory to us. Family, relationships, money, education, passions, etc. “Friends” sometimes don’t respect that because they think they’re obligated to your time.
4. Some friends only want you to listen to their problems but when It’s your turn to vent, you’ll notice them randomly trying to change the subject. Very weird.
So yes. Friendships can be draining at times. Ghosting is very necessary. And I stand by that.
I could go on and on with my personal experiences but I’ll stop here for now.
If ghosting brings you peace with draining friends, then I understand. I almost never complain or vent to my friends. I do share some stuff about my private life, because that’s what best friends do, but I never overwhelm people. I have many draining friends and my way of dealing with them is shooting straight, and I never ghost them until they ghost me first. That’s my style but to each their own. Obviously different people and different circumstances warrant different measures.
I ghosted friends for not respecting themselves, for not respecting me, for not respecting my beliefs, for not respecting my time or money, for not respecting my rights or for not respecting my needs or reputation
I have ghosted a "friend" who was not a good friend towards me and they never notice I ghosted them. I had a friend who would ask me if I wanted to go out to drink and hang out, then they would ghost me all night and do their own thing without me. Why invited me to go out with you and hang when you will ghost me all night? Goodbye!
Honestly, because people tend to have their own lives and their own problems going on as well. When we are kids it is much easier to stay in touch because there is not much to do as kids but school and hang out with friends, yeah some had chores, etc. but overall they are all in the same area of life. Once you grow up people have jobs, school, their own activities they like to explore. So it's common to lose friends that were once close to you because of growing up. I remember when I graduated HS people would say all the friends I had in HS will become strangers and I never believed in that, but let me tell you how right they were. It's life it just happens. One thing I can say, if that person really wants you then they will make an effort to still be friends, but it goes both ways.
Absolutely man! You described life in a nutshell. Life happens, people change, responsibilities burden us, etc. I was actually specifically referring to someone I used to be best friends with. He drifted away and changed only with me out of our old circle of friends. And it was weird also to others because I’ve always had his back. There was no drama, no misunderstandings, nothing, just flat out hatred all of a sudden. I didn’t want to run the risk of sounding dramatic, so I didn’t provide more explanations under the broad question that I asked.
Ohh okay got it! I would say maybe you did something (not to your knowledge) and that made them stay away from you, I had a similar experience with my really close friends where a small decision I made (that I didn't see a problem) ended up causing a problem for them and eventually led to them distancing themselves. OR it could also be that they were just your friends because they felt that they had to (not knocking you or anything, I'm sure you are a cool person) and when they found out they didn't have to any more they took that chance and left, overall I would say give it time and see what happens.
All I did was get a new job, that’s all. Ever since, they just started ignoring my texts, calls, etc. obviously I backed away immediately when I felt like they’re purposely avoiding me.
Sometimes your success could also affect them, sadly people like to compare and contrast so he could be seeing you doing a little better and is feeling some type of way about themselves which can lead to them distancing themselves until they are able to be in that same position.
Yes, you’re right. That could be it, though I always try to be conscientious about these issues by offering help and support to my friends, even if they get a little jealous.
A couple of years ago o fot into a heated discussion with a couple who had been friends of mine for a few years, they were exceptional disrespectful and didn't want to listenin to my point of view about my own life and felt they could impose btheor views of my lifestyle upon me and got really pissed when I didn't share their views. Anyway after that I just decided that I didn't want them in my life anymore and that I didn't even want to waste my energy on telling them why and then having to argue the points so I just stopped talking to them completely. I did it for my own sanity and because of their stubbiness, in what was quite frankly none of their fucking business in the first place.
I might sound like an icky person for being honest but I have a bad habit of ghosting people. People who I've had "friendships" with. Not because of anything they did wrong, but soley because I have a fear of intimacy and fear of abandoment which then leads to me self-sabotaging my friendships/relationships. I ghost people because I need to have control over the connection. I flee before things get too serious or when I feel like I'm enjoying myself too much.
You can talk to someone about it. I strongly urge you too. I’m not judging you, not at all. I understand you totally in fact. If this has destroyed some good friendships/relationships, it’s worth some conscious effort.
usually embarrassment of not wanting to communicate anymore.
or they do not really see the point, you upset them, you did something bad,
loads of reasons why really.
there is also half ghosting, where it’s always one side will message or contact the other, this kicks of a small conversation, but then stops and it’s silence until the person again contacts them. It’s quiet easy to do, chat to people, then be quiet for a week or so, no replies means you are being half ghosted.
I think a lot of people just outgrow friendships and are not comfortable expressing the way that they feel. In some cases the ghosting might be a way to end things without really ending them so they can avoid saying something that can't be unsaid. I know that in my case, I sort of ghosted a friend who I've known for over a decade because of the way he disrespects my and other people's time. The only reason I say "sort of" is because I don't necessarily want to terminate the friendship completely, but I don't see there being any productive way forward right now. I have a lot of very good reasons for creating the distance though.
The only time I ever ghost anybody - if you want to call it that - is when someone is no longer a friend and turn hateful. Other than that, I literally never ghost anybody. I know how to say what I need to say to someone when it's over. Ghosting is cruel and extremely cowardly, but I find that what's actually worse than ghosting are people who try to justify it or who actually believe they can explain it as a right or necessary thing to do.
This has been done to me and it’s shitty. I was dating a much younger woman. Way in the back of my mind I knew she was capable of doing that but I gave her the doubt. But my doubt turned out to be real. She did this after dating for 9 months.
But anyway this is why:
- our society has enabled people to be more selfish and conceited (i. e. people use “emotions” to justify crap). - digitization seemingly gives us more “options”. But this can be deceitful and is based on fantasy. - the hook up culture has made women less shameful about sleeping around. Just curious when will there be a breaking point to all this crap.
could be a lot of things but some people are just too entitled and feel like the world revolves around them. The moment you start dealing with your shit, they feel ignored and are like "if you were a good friend you'd have noticed bla bla bla" Then they ghost you. I've recently had that 🤦♀️
Because they're cowards and hypocrites with 0 respect for their fellow human beings.. True friends never ghost
I know that nobody owes anything to anyone, but hello you're talking to a human being. It's the humane thing to do to say a goodbye or "Sorry I'm busy", unless they were afraid for their safety (they were harassed).
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
My friend of 2 years from my university I ghosted her because she would make me appear anxious or crazy for no reason. Somehow she might have thought I’m better than her and she wanted to put me down badly.. I don't know she would talk behind me too and lie things that weren’t true to a guy she liked bc she was worried that guy liked me and she talked bad about me etc So she deserves it I don’t ghost it’s very rare for example like this friend
Mine had started relationships and families and as a guy who could never even get one date, I guess I was holding everyone back. People in relationships tend to want friends who are couples as well so they can do like minded things without an odd wheel being there making things awkward. That is why my friends ghosted me. I'm also really ugly and pretty much retarded so when I try and make new friends they always end up ghosting me, I wish I wasn't so different.
There is one reason, and only one reason why people ghost. They are cowards. That's it. It's that simple. No other explanation is required because honestly it would only be a bullshit rationalization for cruel behavior.
Let me clarify. I'm not talking about situations where people are making changes in their lives and removing themselves from circles that are not conducive to wellness. I'm referring specifically about those people that we've been intimately involved with and those to whom we owe respect and consideration because of the position of importance they have had in our lives. These people get ghosted because we've made different decisions and don't want to own it. We fell guilt about that decision because we know it's going to hurt someone who cares about us, has invested emotional and even perhaps real currency in our lives. We feel guilty because we knowingly and deliberately made the choice knowing it will be hurtful to them and we act cowardly and ghost them in order to avoid responsibility in causing the hurt in those who have not earned it. That is the situation I'm referring to and it is always a childish and cowardly act of selfish avoidance
I have been ghosted by many friends and most of them were not good friends anyways. They would be around when nobody they wanted to be around is not around which is sad. I have been used a lot of those friends who ghosted me and I thought they were an actual friend. A real friend would not ghost someone. I would understand if they have a family and busy with work which happens as you get older. Friends get busy with their jobs and family stuff which is understandable.
Here's a new one - half of the people that stop responding (or don't do it to begin with) - probably assume you are yet another gossiper just investigating on behalf of someone they recently met/had a thing or a spat with, who 'hired' you via one of the social networks. Someone told me on a thing alike the dark web you can even get credit for spying on others you can then use to ask others to spy on your girlfriend/boyfriend/person of interest (or your next prey/victim, depending how you look at that whole practice of invading someone else's life with no invite)
Change in society. People aren't as loyal as they used to be. We don't need to rely on each other as much with digital devices and automation. Sadly because of this we are left lonelier and more depressed as a society. I think we are advancing too much too quickly for our biology to catch up
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
1) Its awkward trying to break up with your friend, it's not like a romantic breakup. 2) There has been months when the relationship was rocky and it just seems easier to quietly drift apart and not make a huge fuss about it 3) Ghosting is easier, so you can come back in the future. You can always use the excuse "Life happened, I got really busy but we should catch up". 4) They don't want to really face the fact that they just lost a friend 5) They have no respect for you 6) You were the dominant one in the friendship and they always expect you to reach out to them 7) You no longer connect with them like you used to and you're TIRED of beating a dead horse (not literally lol)
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
They are slowly growing away from you. Friends come and go. I was friends with a neighbor for 14 years. When she moved we had nothing in common anymore. We touch base every once in a while, but we still have nothing more to say.
I always reply. Never ghost. She’s more of the ghoster but I accept it. It’s just seems to be a check-in thing during occasions that stand out. We went “to war together” (went through something huge which bonded us to those events) so it will most likely stay this way. It is sad though as we used to chatter 5X’s a day.
Yea, life changes and friendships diminish that’s for sure. I was referring to people who flat out don’t pick your calls, answer your texts, etc. for me, if it happens once, I give the benefit of the doubt, twice, I forget and all is good. Three times, I’m outta here.
They might not be that close or something else. I thought i had a friend for awhile we hang out every week and than he whent somewhere else. Still in the same area but stoped going to the same things and just didn't say anything and than later i found out he got married. It kinda hurts that he didn't say anything but I guess we werent friends to begin with. Its crummy
Yeah i dont get it. He could have said he's busy working extra hours, spending time with his at the time girlfriend. Nothing. I kinda saw it coming though. He had certain tendencys where i was like wtf and it just seemed disrespectful. Maby some people just think its okay
I don’t think any decent human brain would think it’s okay. It’s just that shitty is the norm nowadays. Decency is rare. My acquaintances often call me arrogant because I respect myself and walk away where I don’t find respect but that’s always better than being treated like a fool.
