I don't care if she doesn't care. It doesn't really hurt MY self esteem (guess I'm not that macho), it's only money.
In theory, yes, but in reality it would stress her out knowing that we are relying on her income to save the day.
@nice-girl i think you're a sexist idiot.
Opinion
84Opinion
Yeah, I'm absolutely fine with it! I make more right now, but she's on track to make a lot more than me, and I'll actually be happy for that day. It'll just be better for us financially.
u As a professional, I do not equate pay with self-worth, so it wouldn't bother me.
I'd only care how it might affect the relationship not because of me but because of how it affects her. In my experience from what I see when girls make more than their guy they lose respect and I've seen that several times.
I've heard girls who did not want to feel that way sadly say they find themselves losing attraction for their man now that they make more money than him.
In sitcoms which commonly makes stories about what real people deal with, taken to an extreme on TV but is still relatable. They depict this happening. Like in Big Bang Theory and Bernadette started making more money than her guy. She started talking down to him, being disrespectful. Treating him with an attitude of "I'm the major bread winner so I make the rules now"
When he reacted negatively to her behavior she said he can't handle that she makes more money than him when it was really him not liking her new behavior. Yes that's a TV show. That also accurately showed what tends to happen.
a lot of girls look at guys as their primary role as being the provider. If she makes more than him she is effectively doing what she considers the male role. When that happens she tends to change.
When girls talk about this in theory they tend to think the issue would come from the guy and it effecting their self esteem leading to problems. While it's true guys do care about their income and it can effect their mood.
Most of the time if this dynamic changes in a relationship and becomes a problem, it's because the woman changes her behavior towards her man. That's just what normally happens in reality
This 100%.
I’ve seen it happen and I’ve heard multiple women admit it.
@DarkWinterNights agree
My wife makes more than me. Never affected our relationship.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 good for you. Many woman aren't like your wife
@nice-girl other than the man calling her out for exhibiting that behavior, what's he supposed to do about his girl losing attraction and respect for him on the basis of her income?
@diodoro I know but guys shouldn't be afraid to make less than their partners. Times are changing, today in 1/3 of all relationships women make more.
Don't get a gold digger and... that's all.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 I agree. A lot of guys are just going to have to suffer the consequences of women who can't handle having a guy that makes less money than them.
Like this is not a bashing women point I'm making. As you can see the two girls that commented above agree exactly with what I'm saying. This happens and it's not as simple as just avoid gold diggers
Now this isn't a problem in my life personally, but that's not the case for many guys not necessarily because they did anything wrong, but because they were just never taught better how to deal with women
For many guys they were taught to be good providers so they could just be a good father/husband/provider. So that's what they do
In dating that's their selling point. Good man. Good provider. So they get girls expecting that. When she makes more there's a risk of that being a problem and a lot of girls hate that they feel that way, but they do and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that.
I've personally talked to girls who were dating guys for awhile where things were good till she got a promotion and now she's not satisfied in the relationship, feeling less attracted and she knows it's about the income.
We gotta deal with the world as it is
@diodoro "the provider". Today both members of the relationship can have that role. If they want a stay at home wife, fine. Then they have to find a partner who is willing to stay at home and not work, it's way harder to find today than what it was a generation ago, and they have to always have a great job. Always keep it.
That's harsh if you ask me. But every couple has it's dynamic and to each their own.
But men need to undertand that that's not the only option they have. Not anymore.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 kind of a moot point.
@nice-girl so if he spends more of his paycheck to pay for everything despite her making more than him, making all the plans, leading the situation. You're saying this will increase her attraction for him and her respect for him that was lost solely because she got a pay increase?
@Diodoro, The responsibility of keeping the woman happy always falls to the guy. Her money is hers and so is half of yours. The easier solution is to avoid career centric women. They are one of the most likely to cheat as well.
@nice-girl I think it reinforces her feelings towards him because he'd now be acting as if he HAS TO do more now. He's no longer good enough because she makes more money now.
How would that increase her respect/attraction for him in this context?
@DarkWinterNights lmao I never dated girls who think in those terms and would never.
How about just finding a partner who will stay with you regardless of your income? Doesn't that sounds like a better idea?
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 you appear to be too emotionally attached to discuss this. Think outside of yourself in your own personal experience in this area
Yes, there are objective measures guys can take to protect themselves. In the event they are not protected and in a bad situation what should they do? That's what the discussion is
Get your head out of your ass if you want to continue
@nice-girl eh
I'm thinking of a context to where both Partners make about the same amount of money. And like most couples they kind of split up the expenses. And then one day to go get the promotion and now she is looking down on her guy, even though she doesn't want to feel that way
It's pretty unreasonable to say that when both are making about the same that the guy should just take care of all of the expenses from the jump.
And even more unreasonable to say that when she starts making more money, if he wasn't already now he should be taking care of all the expenses lol
@diodoro I am not just talking about myself. This is something that should be obvious to anyone.
What bad situation are you referring to? One like you just described in your comment to nicegirl? One where she begins to make more money and begins to look down on her partner? Do you know how rare that is?
Also makes no sense what you say. If both make the same he is still the one paying all the expenses? Why would that be the dynamic?
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 why are you getting so defensive over this
@This_Is_My_Opinion8
And while you're thinking about why you're so defensive on this topic. This is for you
"In 2018, Prudential surveyed more than 3,000 Americans between the ages of 25 and 70 for its “Financial Wellness Census.” The survey indicated that 54 percent of women are the primary breadwinners in their family, while 30 percent are married breadwinners who are producing more than half of their household income. This marks an increase from 2015, when the Center for American Progress found 42 percent of women were sole or primary breadwinners — bringing in at least half of their families’ earnings. This represents a long-running trend that"
eccalifornian.com/.../
Yea so rare
@diodoro That does not fit into what you said.
You said that women who make more start to look down at their partner. That is the situation that I reffer to as rare. What you showed me just shows me more than ever women make more than their partners. If anything that only comes to disprove what you just said since they stay in relationships with men that make less than them.
@diodoro Thank you for shooting yourself in the foot.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 didn't even read tbh. You're too close to this to have a sincere discussion that isn't fueled by whatever erratic emotion is running you right now
Byyyyeeeeee
@diodoro not only you are the one resorting to cheap insults trying to feel like somehow you have the upper hand, which by the way proves who between us the emotional one, but also failed to prove your own point. You proved mine instead. After that I would be leaving in shame too.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 Chill.
Sill didn't read lmao
Still here? Though you were done.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 He was saying subconsciously women will lose respect for a man even without any intent to. It's basic evolutionary/survival psychology in females.
Thing is they won't lose respect for him.
Even while we were caveman women were scavengers and brought in most of the food. Even during our most primitive state women provided for their home.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 they won't on purpose.
They will subconsciously it's a survival instinct not a malicious action. They may not even realize but in time will treat you different.
A little different like being bitcher unknowingly or a lot like leaving him intentionally.
That's another reason women subconsciously look at men's height because back in the day his height gaged his income/hunting ability which gaged her survival rate
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 my 7 years of schooling in that field say different. I'm not arguing I just thought you might have been overseeing that psychology part of it
By all means give me the extract of text from your books, fr which you studied, that clearly says that women will lose respect for a man of he makes less money.
A survival instinct? By the times we needed that survival instinct women brought home tons of food.
But you are right times have changed. Today 1/3 of all relationships women make more money. Men are not the expected breadwinner anymore.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 The brains make up and instincts do not change , have not , will not. The thought process can but not the instinctual part
@WowwGirl you contradict yourself. You say they changed to be a certain way. And then you say that instincts can't be changed.
Height is about physical attraction.
I know some women are attracted to money, but that is nothing related to biology. Is personal preference.
A few generations ago women couldn't earn money like they do now. They fought hard to be able to. Now that they can they are no longer forced to marry for money. And if you look at the choices they are making now it's clear that they no longer care of their partner makes more or not.
In fact look around in this very question. Most girls are saying they don't care.
yes i dont care. I want them to fulfill whatever aspirations they have for THEM. Not for the money or for me. I just want them to be with me the rest of the time they aren't working and make me their priority in those moments, same as I would her. I think it's fine to have that insecurity as a man. But then ask yourself if money is the only thing you offer or bring to the table that your relationship would be in danger over. Fact of the matter is I know what I can bring to the table. I'm the best goddamn thing my SO is gonna have for a long term partner because when push comes to shove I'm not a damn coward. My masculinity can be expressed in other forms such as the intense work outs, disciplined diet, loyalty, protection, commitment, etc. A man striving to be his best in all aspects of his life and relationships is already the best a man can be.
I’m pretty sure I’m comfortable with it. So let’s say I land a perfect career were I’m super happy and thrilled with it every day and I earn 80 k or more a year. Let’s say My lady makes 100k a year, if she’s happy with her career then who cares. Everyone has their perfect ideal jobs / careers, live in happiness.
as I girl I would never mind, it is even better. however for men, many don't like it at all, because for society a man is supposed to care for a girl, it shows he can provide and protect her, and establishes his dominant role I suppose. there are men who date women for money, but I think deep down they feel bad.
well, but, if there is a situation, in which you meet someone you love and he makes less money than you, I don't think that if it is true love, it should stop them from being truly happy you know. it is up to both of them to show how much they love and respect one another and just be discrete. in some cases she can help elevate his career.
Both my husband and I are fine with it. It all goes into the same account - doesn't matter whose name is actually on the check.
I worked the first 3 years of our marriage and my husband didn't. Now he has a job and I'm on the job hunt. So... we have the same goals financially so all the money goes towards reaching those goals.
My partner has to earn at least as much as me, if he earns way less for a long time I will eventually lose respect for him. I don't expect him to be rich or anything like that, just to contribute more money than me to the household. To feel happy and safe in a relationship I must be able to look up to my parner/husband as a provider. I have a career but would be willing to put it on hold to care for the family if there was any risk of me making more money... and I don't even feel it's something I can completely control. But I just know that I wouldn't respect him otherwise.
I can't even imagine why that would bother a guy. The whole idea is for your combined income to provide well for both your needs as a couple and to increase your savings for retirement.
To be upset if your female partner earns more than you seems narcissistic or at least weak.
If she acts the way the wife did on that George Lopez show when she was making more, I think that is the reason why the majority of guys don't like it.
It isn't the more money that is the problem, it is how her behavior changes.
IDC as long as she still has the same behavior/attitude as before and it doesn't cause her to need to travel for days or spend too much time away from home when I am home. So things like a pilot, stewardess, doctor, traveling business person, are all not acceptable for me.
If they are the type that prioritizes making as much money as possible to the detriment of her SO and kids then it is bad. Same goes for the man.
I worked hard to have a career where I can support a family and have plenty of time off work to enjoy family life, so I wouldn't want a partner that will be away and not able to have plenty of time to enjoy family life.
If she was something like a teacher, that would work perfectly in my situation.
I wish mine earned as much as me 😔 currently he’s earning more but then he’s ALWAYS at work picking up extra shifts so we can have things and I never see him
I don’t give a damn. I have dated multi-millionaires. It bother me and it did not bother them. Se through directly earning and some who simply inherited it. We behaved like two normal people. It wasn’t remotely something that bothered my ego … nor something a second ‘job’ could balance out or tip in my favor. Hell, you would have never known either of them were comfortable unless you got to know them. But even a lot of my friends are this way and very ‘comfortable’.
Dating those with delicate egos about such a trivial thing is on par with being friends with delicate egos … to be avoided. Insecurity ranks up there with whining. Meh….
It wouldn't bother me, I've literally spent the last 30 minutes trying to work out when this would of happened because I'm pretty certain during my college/uni years my dates earnt more than me... still didn't stop me having to pay for the dates though lol Since graduating though it's pretty irrelevant who earns more and not really a topic of conversation lol
I don't worry about shallow things like that. I can pay my own half of the rent and bills, the rest I don't give two fucks about.
Trying to measure your self-worth by how well you can game a corrupt, capitalist system is absurd.
If she WANTS to earn more than me, she can do so... but it has to be something she loves doing and not something she's doing just trying to prove something to me, or to the garbage feminism of today.
But she is not required to earn any money at all, really.
Generally speaking, it is in our nature (as men) to WANT to be the sole provider. It is in our blood.
But she does have a choice...
Yes ofc. I prefer it that way. But it isn't a dealbreaker if I make more than him. As long as he has a decent job or a decent income. If he makes minimum wage or barely above minimum wage because he's starting out in his career, switching to a new career, or attempting to be an entrepreneur, then it's okay with me as long as he makes more money over time
Many men like to be the superior/dominate force in every possible way. I used to be bothered by a woman I was with making more money than me because I was supposed to be the main provider. I was supposed to be taking care of her. However, as I got older I realized that there's so many more important issues, so many bigger problems. I learned to be thankful for what was right instead of getting upset over little things that didn't really matter.
I have no problem with it. In fact, wouldn't care much if it were reversed either. Not sure he would either. Just not of importance as long as you are financially stable together.
That and wise with how you spend the money. Yes I agree! I think we saw from the track record of boomer marriages that the focus on money wasn't keeping things alive for anyone. Overall middle class we love pretty damn good still. Better than most throughout human history. A blue collar guy eats better than king Henry Viii did
@t-8900
I think it is the combined income that is the important factor. Does it allow and support the way both parties want to live? Maybe one makes 50k and the other 125k. Big difference, right?
But if both love each other, shouldn’t matter and 175k should provide for a very comfortable lifestyle.
It's good that you look at it as the team effort! My girlfriend tried to get me into thinking about buying some things to improve my status and look. I've refused it because the bulk of the income comes from her. I still won't take money from my girl, not for me. I still want to use my own money to take care of myself. I told her I'm in it for love, not money. Save the money for you and our future kids. Just please hold me every night. When I come home just love bombe with the kids. That's all I want in this world, love. Everything else is simply a means to an end
My wife and I were teachers. As she worked in a public school, she made more money than me. Not much more, but a little more. Both of us were fine with it. It wasn't an issue.
I WOULD be ok with it if it didn’t come with all the problems that it comes with. When the woman makes more money, she doesn’t respect the man and will cheat on him. So it’s not so much about the money itself, but rather how she will treat you because she makes more money.
I wouldn't give a damn about such trivial matter. I quit being a kid a long time about about who's toy is bigger.
@Ni6cbyg: I never said a husband can't provide. The asker question was in reference if I'm OK if my woman makes more money than me and I said yes.
We aren't living the bronze age anymore. Very few men around the world can provide to a household with 4 or more people in it all by himself in accordance to the 21th living standards so a woman will have to help with the providing as her secondary role.
@t-8900: Its just not possible. Over 50% of Americans live pay check to pay check. Think about that.
Now consider you are the only provider that has to provide for a whole household in accordance to the 21th living standards on a monthly basis.
Mortgage.
Light bill.
Water bill.
Phone bills.
Healthcare cost.
Daily food.
Groceries.
Car insurance.
Car maintenance.
Gas for the car.
Clothing.
Hygiene products.
House Cleaning materials.
Detergent.
Eating out on at least once a weekend for the family.
Entertainment events.
Internet.
Family vacations.
Emergency fund.
Education materials for the kids.
Sport league fee and sport equipment for the kids.
And lastly for save for retirement..
The average man in the U. S. can't possibly do it alone, much less men in poverty stricken countries with hardly no good paying jobs or education..
It's just not possible unless he is making and netting 100,000 a year.
And I didn't even mention what about if he gets seriously sick or a car wreck and can't work for 1 or 6 months or unexpectedly loses his job? Screwd big time then.
@WowwGirl that's awesome what are you doing for a living? Also policyadvice.net/.../
@WowwGirl: You live in a small town of a population of maybe 1,000 people so it's super cheap to live there.
In big cities with major events and high cost of living like Miami, Houston, L. A. it isn't possible for nearly all men living in those big cities. Grocery alone is easily $400 a month.
@t-8900: What city?
I spend over 300 dollars buying groceries for my grandma at Win Dixie. The grocery lasted about 3 weeks but still a bit left over before it got ate up.
For a household of 4 it can easily be 400 a month and that is a conservative number too.
not even city, suburbs. Cecil County Maryland. But like everything just keeps jumping up here. because of where we are we barely get produce on our shelves and meat is scarce and low grade these days. I have to go with grass fed 80/20 organic ground beef because thats the only decent stuff i can afford atm.
@t-8900: I get it man. Money on just food alone flies out of your pockets. Lol it's crazy how that is.
we have just Food Lion and Walmart here... both places have crappy quality. I hate buying meat from either of them. At least Safeway and ACME took care to make sure the cuts were against the damn grain and got some of the hard grit trimmed off. Nope here the stuff is pathetic. Food Lion Chicken is inedible to me. They pump it up full of that nasty ass solution and their chicken legs are tough and just dont taste right. I have to go organic on my meats or i can't even do em.
@Hispanic-Cool-Guy we have a home in Florida darling. Which house you talking about? Which city? Doesn't matter either way
Life isn't black and white. You don't know people's individual situations. You seem to have the mind of a child where things to you seem idealistic. Get out of that small town and look around especially outside the U. S.
Yeah sure you can. Move to Miami and buy a house in a decent area and take care of a whole household by yourself paying for literally everything. Let's see how you do all by yourself.
you made it disabled and that's awesome. But lifestyle is going to play a role too. I have a very expensive diet but the trade off is my body is looking better, and I'm feeling better. But 80% of my diet is meat based and 60% of the food i consume is organic. In this economy that doesn't come cheap as you can well imagine. now i've got no idea how you have 2 houses while disabled unless you aren't including like a home based business or something like that. Or the houses are kind of in bad areas or older or rundown a bit.
Some parts of Florida is cheap. Miami is very expensive.
ah i didn't have those same opportunities afforded me. i worked with what i had. I'm glad life has worked out for you that's great. I still dont agree with women expecting men to contribute more than 50% of household or not be considered a man. To that chick who said that. If we want to pull at the gender roles then she better be a chaste virgin who's gonna be popping as many kids as the husband wants while he forms a harem. How far back in traditionalism we going? Oh it's just when it benefits her lazy ass right? See how it works? You can't have your cake and eat it too. You need to be real about things.
cool I'm glad you and your guy had a lifestyle that allowed you to progress further in life like that. If i as to do that now i'd be an old man before i was with a girl and at that point it becomes useless for me. So no, I'll do what I can within my means and make the most of it. Some people value the money most, that's fine. Everyone has a different philosophical outlook on life. For me if love is conditional it's not worth having.
It's nice to say that when you've not lived the same life as another person. Makes me wonder did you REALLY read the mytakes you commented on before? My battles were based around mental health and trying to I don't know... not kill myself i guess. So me trying to get that help which took away from going to school. And me being loyal enough to take care of my dying father instead? I guess that doesn't make me a man. I guess to be a man you need to say fuck everyone else for the money. If so I'm not a man then, w/e.
My wife and I make about the same amount of money. Some years I would do better and some years she would. It all evens out in the end. Now I am unemployed so she definitely makes more money than I do. She stayed home with the kids for the first 11 years we were married. I am glad she has a good job.
Fuck yeah, If she made more than me we’d be double the ballin. My money is her money and hers is mine… any man is an insecure pussy for being embarrassed about it. They’d squander a higher quality of life for their family because of their fragile ego? I didn’t know traditional gender roles had the man being a little bitch
If this question is even an issue I would NOT be with her.
First off I can't imagine meeting a woman who makes more than me.
I'm better off financially then most guys my age. Why would someone who statistically makes 30% less than what I do make more than me? I mean this is miniscule pool of women. And I guarantee you they wouldn't be interested t esteem in me.
So yeah. You can tell her make all the money she wants. Lol
It's not going to change my opinion of her.
I was fine with it. Because I was building my company, if I didn't have projects and possibilities it would probably bother me, but I am more ambitious then that.
My lady makes more than I do at the moment. And I am okay with that. The only reason is because, I am in the process of opening my own business. And I had only work on my food truck instead of my regular job. But even if she would for ever make more than me. I would be happy with that.
It doesn’t matter to me who makes more, but what does matter is being financially responsible. She can have college debt, medical debt, etc. It becomes a big issue if a person creates financial stress on the household by buying too much stuff.
Only if he isn't weird about expenses. Been on too many dates with guys who either meticulously has us pay for each our own or insist on paying for everything. I don't really care either way as long as it's not a burden and we both have enough.
If I didn't want children, I would be fine with it. Because I do want children and a stay at home mother to stay with them, I feel like too much of a career would discourage her from doing it. So I prefer a girl with more virtue than money.
She can't out earn her man when she quits her job to take care of the kids.
@bamesjond0069 why am I supposed to feel sorry for people who screwed themselves into poverty? I keep hearing poor me above.
My wife makes more than I do , I don't really care about it in the sense of economics because I still like what I do at work. If and when I leave my current employer I'll still find a job in the same field that pays the same or more
I don't mind at all. As long as we can get food on the table, buy things, I don't really mind.
Yeah it doesn't worry me because I'm happy with what I do... sure doing more of the same would be great
Its a requirement to date me and marry me. I only want a breadwinner. 100% breadwinner
again though, all the other girls got that too. What makes her unique to stand out above the other girls this guy is gonna slave away for since she said 100% breadwinner. that means she's not willing to life a finger. Honestly the chick on fries at McDonalds just got bumped up a promotion because she actually brings a work ethic to the table.
I'm completely fine with it, my two loves can make more than me if they so pleased. Hell, I'd be proud of them if that was the case :)
I'm secure enough with myself and I would have no issue with her making more money. I would be proud of her
I’d be impressed more than anything. I have zero interest in family life so hell yeah if a girl work for the big bucks with me
Of course I am, though I'm also ok with making more than him (just not currently coz I don't make much). More money more comfort.
Of course, they have their own life to live as well, after all.
You can't be that insecure and small minded to demand others hold themselves back for you to feel better about yourself.
@WowwGirl Yes. And since the the last part of this is thematically appropriate, I wanna ask you: Would you write a Mytake on the "Hero Instinct" in men?
I encourage who I’m with to be the best they can be. Everyone should strive for that. Why lesson yourself for anyone?
*Lessen
If a girl makes more money than me then she's probably either a lawyer or a whore. The only difference is that the whore would stop screwing me after I die.
It wouldn’t bother me , my money is her money , as long as we are working together that’s all that matters
Yeah absolutely, why not? I'd be happy for him. I would feel as though it wouldn't be any of my business.
Perfectly fine with it. Its not like I'm with him for his money
I dont see anything wrong wirh that. As long as you knw you sre a hard working person and do your job well then lets do it
Absolutely. Really doesn't matter, as long as they're supportive, financially and emotionally and that they love me for me and for what I do.
Yes, I am okay with it. Not something I'm looking for, but not a problem, either. Her income plays no factor in my level of love for her. How much money she makes is her own personal business.
Yes, my late wife used to make almost twice what I was making.
She will be a housewife which means no less and no more, i'll be the provider 😊
not at all, I did just fine before I retired, and if my wife made more than I did so much the better.
If I had a girl, I would have no problem with her
making more money than me I think so guys
are shallow
Yes but not a lot more because then I'd be called a gold digger and it's overwhelming to be with someone like that. Their lifestyle is very different. I would feel disoriented most of the time.
My knowledge is that even in the western world women don't want that. Cause then if in case of a divorce if she makes more money than her husband she would most likely end up having to pay alimony.
I would Never take alimony from a woman. Ever!
No, I'm not. Never been, never will be. 🤷
It doesn't bother me. I am not trying to compete with my SO; I am trying to work together with her. Or at least that is what I would do if I wasn't currently single.
It's actually rare for women to make more than men in a relationship. One of the many unique parts of my parents relationship is that my mom did.
@Jamie05rhs True, the wage gap is becoming narrower, but it still exists.
No, I don't have a problem with that. If she's doing well, why should that bother me?
Hell yes. She could be a billionaire and I could be a thousandnaire and it's fine with me.
Yes, but after everything I've heard from women, I really have very little trust that a woman would be okay with me making less.
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