Will we get back together like he says we possibly will?

[Anonymous]

So we broke up August. He broke up with me. Two months later since then I’m not going to lie I’ve begged, we got together we slept together then stopped went no contact for almost a month. Then again just a week ago we started talking again I decided to just check in on him then we got together for lunch on a Wednesday and dinner on Saturday only had sex on Saturday he keeps telling me he does love me etc but at the moment he wants to do him “time will tell” if we get back together. He texts me I love you back and responds to every message I send him and answers almost any time I call I don’t call much I think I’ve only tried about 4 times and he’s answered twice. Everytime we hang out his phone is going off with different girls. And says they’re just friends but gets seemingly jealous when he sees guys text me or even ask if I’ve dated. I joked with him about becoming a bartender he gets mad. I don't know what’s going on with him.. help 😔 he’s 44 and I’m 37 we dated and lived which each other for almost 3 years and everything was perfect besides arguing every once in a while which who doesn’t.

[SteveSmith1985]

I don't really see anything here to suggest that it's likely that you two are going to get back together. At least not in the near future.

I feel really badly for you because It seems like you're in this halfway in-between situation where you're not able to move on... but aren't able to have any sort of full relationship either. I think you need to move on. At least for now.

It's not an uncommon way for a long-term relationship to sorta fizzle-out. There's this halfway in-between phase where... one person tries harder than the other one to make things work.

Considering your history... it's natural that you would each be jealous of the other one when it comes to "other people." It's natural that he would respond with "I love you too". I wouldn't necessarily read anything into that.

I don't know... I usually have no serious difficulties with telling someone a "harsh truth" in a response. I'm not sure why exactly, but I'm feeling especially bad about having to give you the response I'm giving you. I've re-read your post several times to see if there's any way I could come to a different conclusion... but I can't see this any other way. (remember, I'm only basing this on the information I have from your post).

What I see here is a guy who wants to breakup with you.

But that doesn't mean he has no feelings for you. Considering your history, his decision to break-up with you was NOT one he took lightly. He did it for good reasons (I don't know what they might be, but he DID think long and hard before breaking off a 3-year relationship with someone he lives with).

Now, if you continue to see him, talk to him and especially have sex with him... OF COURSE he's not going to be able to say no. It's not easy for him to be broken up either. So it's no surprise that if you call... sure he's going to answer. If you wanna hang out... well... fuck... he does want to see you. You must be close after 3 years, and he misses you too.

But again, he broke up with you for what (to him) are good reasons. It was not easy for him to DECIDE he needed to break up with you. It was even harder for him to actually speak the words and hurt someone who he cares about deeply... but has decided he does not want to be in a relationship with anymore (for whatever reason).

So what I mean is... I think that he is being clear about NOT wanting to be with you. He is telling you so. Believe him.

But if you continue to see him and talk to him on the same "boyfriend/girlfriend" footing... this painful stage you're in right now... can continue indefinitely. What ends up happening is... he WILL at some point start dating other people. He has every right to do so if he's being clear that you and he are broken up.

I can tell you... if you still occupy this "in-between" spot... where you're NOT his girlfriend, but you still see him, and kiss and cuddle and have sex and whatnot... it's gonna feel like he's cheating on you when he tells you he met someone else. But really, he's got every right to see whoever he wants. You end up having an EMOTIONAL demand for exclusivity. You understand rationally maybe that he can sleep with other people... but your heart won't understand.

I think you need to either, have a big long talk where you both decide to work shit out and get back together. All-the-way back together... right now... or (more likely)...

You need to give him the space he's asking for. You need to try and move on yourself. You need to think of this as "we are not getting back together". At least for now that's now you need to look at it. If things should change down the road... who knows what may, or may not happen. I believe that's pretty much where he was coming from when he's saying "time will tell". Please don't pin your hopes on "time will tell."

I'm sorry.

[Asker]

Yea I figured when he told me to not go by his place the other day because he doesn’t want his parents asking questions about us again. Which his parents love me. And how he doesn’t initiate contact unless I do. But I don’t get how and why he cries his heart out telling me he still loves me and there’s a possibility we get back together but not at the moment because he needs time…idk to me it’s all weird when we are together he still treats me as his girlfriend I don't know

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes. That all does make sense. "when you're together" he IS going to treat you like his girlfriend. But he's being quite clear that you're NOT his girlfriend. So... that's setting yourself up for some hurt FOR SURE.

It also makes sense that he misses you, that he cries, and even that he seems to waiver and talk about the possibility of getting back together. All that is to be expected. He does indeede care for you. This isn't easy for him. But DESPITE all of that... he does not want to get back together with you right now.

So, i don't know why he broke up with you, but whatever his reasons... he still feels like they are good ones (otherwise he would just get back together with you right now). You two either have to talk through everything and get back together or you need to give him space and try and move on yourself. I mean... has anything changed since he broke up with you? Is whatever the issue was all fixed? Im guessing not. Especially if his reason was something vague like "I need some time for myself". If nothing today is fundamentally fixed since he took the difficult decision to end the relationship... then...

If things HAVE changed, then great! You then need to have a talk to see if he wants to give this another try.

I think you need to believe the words he is saying to you. They well-considered, and he did not come to his decision lightly. He would not have STUCK to his decision so far if he didn't still want to be broken up.

I'm sorry, but to me this seems like you're setting yourself up for a whole lot of hurt down the road by not BELIEVING him when he says "I don't want to be with you anymore". He WILL inevitably still treat you like a girlfriend when you are together. But that doesn't mean he wants you to be his girlfriend. If he did... you would be. That's not going to end well for you.

[boggboss]

By the sounds of it nope he dont want to and he is getting what he wants from u

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds like he is insecure and even borderline controlling if he gets jealous like that. Seems like you have to ask yourself if it is worth that.