I'm kind of in a long distance relationship with a guy that has a girlfriend and they've been together for 7yrs?

Question

We email and message each other every day, we sext and have phone sex frequently, we make normal phone calls too, I know he has sex with his girlfriend and that kills me, but when I mention having sex with someone he doesn't seem to care, he says he loves me, does he?

Or am I just being used to be his fun on the side and he actually doesn't care about me at all?

Why is he doing this?

boltfox20 · Accepted Answer

Honestly, either situation could be true.

A man like this is either in an open relationship or wants an open relationship. This means that he enjoys having multiple partners that he can either swap with or have at the same time. It might not end at two women, either. These kinds of men are also completely capable of polyamorous relationships, loving multiple people. The love is just as strong for both/all partners, and they have no problem showing it or separating it.

I can tell you, from experience, that it is entirely possible to love multiple people. Right now, as I type this, I am in love with 2 women, was in love with a third, and might be developing feelings for a fourth. That being said, I am still loyal to my fiancé and will not pursue any relationship that she would not approve of. I have also had online and in-person friends with benefits, which she has approved of, but there was no love involved in the arrangement. Love formed from one of them, but it was not the reason for it. It was never my intention to lead anyone on, I was 100% honest with everyone involved.

With your situation, I would find out, as soon as possible, how serious he is about your relationship, as well as how much "openness" you are willing to tolerate. He has said that it is alright if you have sex with other men, so he is not looking for anything monogamous with you (one-on-one relationship). However, he might also not be wanting a fully committed relationship, in the first place. It would not mean he loves you any less, just not looking for additional commitment. However, if he is just playing with you, you will want to exit as soon as possible, before the pain of splitting up grows stronger.

Some signs to look for about how serious he is would be if his girlfriend knows about you two, if he talks about other women, if he has ever seemed jealous, or if he has ever mocked/comforted you when you have shown jealousy.

The girlfriend, I think, is the most important. If she knows about you two having a sexual relationship and is okay with it, it is likely that they just have an open relationship and he just wants to include you in it. If she doesn't know and he never wants to tell her, it is possible that you are simply a mistress to settle urges that his girlfriend isn't taking care of, for one reason or another. Alternatively, he might love you and not his girlfriend, but he is too afraid to leave her. This can be for many different reasons, as well, and discovering that reason could prove very important.

In any of the above cases, I do wish you the best of luck and hope you get a desirable outcome. Who knows, maybe being a little more open will lead to a new world of exciting and wonderful options. :)

Aysen · Accepted Answer

Based on the context you provided, it sounds like he enjoys your company online but doesn't plan to take you seriously any further than that if he's been committed to his girlfriend for 7 years, has known you for a year and nothing has changed.

I feel bad for you because you want him to be a bigger part of your life exclusively and yet, his lack of actions and commitment show that. By these, I'm meaning him not meeting up with you in person, not taking the initation to break it off with you because he's already in a relationship or him breaking up with his girlfriend to be with you. I just don't understand why he'd be cruel enough to keep you around like that except to have you around as another person to casually hang out with online and sext with. And for him to say that he loves you after all of that is beyond agonizing to you...

I honestly believe that you are "His fun on the side" and that you should move on from him when you can. You sound like a wonderful, loving and caring woman! It breaks my heart to see you in this condition, knowing you can't be with him based on his lack of loyalty and commitment in a relationship 🥺 I hope you'll be able to move on soon enough! I also hope you're enjoying your time here on GirlsAskGuys for the first time! If you ever want to go more in depth with this discussion, just let me know! I love anything involving relationships 🥰

tatianamay · Accepted Answer

You know that he has a girlfriend and yet you are helping him cheat on his girlfriend with you. That is fucked up. Find someone who is NOT taken. Dont be a homewrecker.

He is using you. Do you really think he would leave a 7 year relationship for a random girl he met online?

kqueen · Accepted Answer

if he loved you, you wouldn't be his side chick. Does his girlfriend know? is this an open relationship type deal or are you knowingly helping this dude cheat.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I'm sorry but he seems to be using you and please take no offense and I'm sorry for people on here who come off with rude, distasteful opinions and I pray that you can find a guy who wants you for Love, Hold close to himself, Cuddle, Share kisses, Look at each other in the eyes... Best wishes :) Welcome to G@G !!! 👼 🙏

LikeALog · Answer

You are his chat buddy. He can tell you all kinds of stuff, real, fantasies and lies. You'll never know what's real with him. He doesn't want you to find out so he probably doesn't want to meet you.

Move on.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

How are you using him? Attention is all that? I would suggest some questioning of yourself. More so why you'd make yourself the side chick of a dude with another chick. Obviously my guess is going to be the attention, and If I'm right about that you need to work on validation issues.

cookiecrusher · Answer

I'm kind of in a long distance relationship with a guy that has a girlfriend and they've been together for 7yrs?

He is just a typical cheater and you are just a side piece.

Why waste your time, you are a woman, for you it's so much easier to find dates or normal guys?
Why stay stuck with this crap, only wasting your best years away?

Aurora1010 · Answer

He's just using you, sorry. I don't think he would leave a relationship of seven years for something long distance

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I guess you are filling a void in his life but more importantly, there are millions of single guys you could have a similar relationship with so the question is, why are YOU doing this?

exitseven · Answer

I think you are his "fun on the side" and he does not really care. Find somebody in real life.

mamasan · Answer

Better question... why are you doing this if you know he has a girlfriend?

JinxyKat · Answer

He's having fun and you are probably a bright spot in his day. You are not however in a "relationship" in his eyes.

888theGreat · Answer

You are an complete idiot. Harlot and scumbag. You know he is with someone else and like a slut date the loser anyway.

TallAnon · Answer

You're not in a relationship with him, he's using you to cheat and is getting free porn.

BastingData · Answer

WHATTTT THIS IS NOT OK. Im a guy by the way and what he's doing isn't right to you or her at all you need to confront asap

Iron_Man · Answer

That will never work out

In_Trance · Answer

Move on

I'm kind of in a long distance relationship with a guy that has a girlfriend and they've been together for 7yrs?

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