Do you define this as an unhealthy relationship?

[Anonymous]

I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years. And a lot of fighting ensued within these couple of years. I always asked for my needs to be fulfilled but he would try to compromise to meet it halfway and I feel like a bad person for not settling for what he suggests and that I should be thankful that he'll try to give me a little bit of what I wanted. And I feel guilty for wanting my needs to be completely fulfilled. I've always thought that I should be kind and do my best without needing anything in return because it would feel like I'm just trying to do things to receive something in return. Recently, I've told him to forget about what I've been asking for and just let him do what he wants because I'd want him to do something he wants. Since another thing we fought about back then was that he wants to live his life and not change things in his life just because he's in a relationship. It made me feel unimportant and not a priority but I thought that he's right, we have our own lives... But lately, he's taking it all back and tells me he'll be better. However, it's so difficult for me to accept and believe him because I've spent so long trying to feel heard and now that he wants to make it up, I'm terrified and I feel so sad and heavy because this whole time, I felt like I had no rights...

I'm so sorry for the long story but I wanted insight on how you view this relationship.

[btbc92]

Asker, in the end, WHAT do you want? If you want to stay with him, then you have no choice but to trust him. If you want out, just end it. At the end of the day, it's not just unhealthy. It is abusive, toxic and it's not a relationship. If you cannot freely be yourself, it's not a real relationship. While both of you are young, you need to set boundaries. Not just argue but enforce boundaries. You need to stop putting yourself down and being a people-pleaser. I say this as somebody who knows what you're going through.

Meaning, while I never dated or been in a relationship. I've been in your shoes regarding interpersonal relationships. Anybody who makes you feel less and not able to have a healthy relationship, be it friends, family, co-workers, and even marriage or romantic relationships in general, is probably the wrong kind of person. While you should do whatever it takes to work on your marriage. But in dating relationships, you never go all in and settle for less than what you deserve. That's why it is best to just remain friends before entering into a relationship or dating because you never know what you may encounter.

The thing is what are these needs that you say need to be fulfilled? You have to see compatibility. And if those needs are not fulfilled then either their person is just flat out selfish depending on what it is, you need to identify if these needs are just part of a bigger issue (attachment style problems, unhealthy family upbringing or dynamic, etc), or your incompatible with that person. Either way, depending on how severe the situation is, you need to work on yourself as equally as he does.

[CharlesScene]

I will say it is very important that he does and tries his best to fulfil your needs and you should never feel like you are settling. He should respect your feelings and always make an effort to show that he does or is at least trying to fulfill your needs. Also, never feel like you are being rude or mean for having standards for yourself and what you expect from others, especially if you are treating others the way you want to be treated.

I would say take a few days and truly think about how you feel about him and how you feel the relationship is going.

After a few days of thinking, make a decision if this something you want to work on with him or if its just better to cut things off, and while you are thinkin about the relationship, don't just think of the good moments, think about the bad and how those made you feel.

If you don't like how the relationship has gone or going, I would end it

If you like how its going, then make sure to put your foot down. He has to know what you are asking of him is about not just a want, its a need and he has to respect that and respect you.

[caring__1]

It sounds like you're more interested in someone to fulfill your needs rather than a partner. Anything we acquire as a result of making demands will have no enduring value. Turning things into obligations (using words such as should, shouldn't, must, have to, need to, etc.) removes our ability to do something because we want to do it. Telling someone he should kiss you at least 6 times every day will only result in him losing all interest in kissing you at all.

Pick someone who is already the partner you can appreciate. Never assume people will change for you. By seeking a partner to give you handouts, you'll only see your own self-esteem dropping over time. Learn to do and provide for yourself rather than feel entitled to handouts. The best way to improve your own self-esteem is to challenge yourself and gain a sense of accomplishment after you achieve your goal. The question isn't whether you can find a quality partner but whether you're willing to be a quality partner.

[Carolus]

NB/ No offense intended, just an opinion because, though am loving and responsible I don’t simp.


Unhealthy relationship towards you or him? With the look of things, he’s a man under siege, a man who is fighting to remain afloat, most women are all about control over men but men are fighting this to the core, a man loves, a woman submits, in relationships and life in general, one cannot have everything, one has to compromise some to preserve what’s more important. If you don’t wanna submit to him, wanna make demands and create drama, its the wrong man for you, he’s a man with an ego, you need a simp and will never be happy in this relationship. So breakup.

[Fireguy17]

Actions speak louder than words.
Just telling you he wants to get better doesn't necessarily mean that he will change.
He just might be saying that to appease you, or he could really mean that he wants to change.
See how it goes, if nothing gets better over time then you have your answer, if it starts to get better make sure you let him know that you noticed it, and talk about what your needs are.
You have to be the judge of what kind of behavior you will accept and what you won't.
You really deserve to be treated better.

[AviatorTom]

There's an old saying about marriage that also applies to relationships.

After marriage (or when a relationship gets serious) ...

The woman changes while the man wants things to stay the same.
The woman says "I love you, you're perfect, now CHANGE!"
The man says "I love you... just the way you are."

[Heartache0405]

Sounds like too much drama. Just break up