Should I get my ex boyfriend's close friend a bday gift?

[Anonymous]

His friend took us out for drinks on my bday specifically for me, (total surprise to me) so I feel like I should get him something back? It's just odd because I'm pretty sure the guy flirts with me a lot (even my ex said so) so I don't want either of them to think it's weird. Am I overthinking this? If u want more details about said flirting, the questions on my page are about 'the friend' and me trying to figure out if he's flirting, and most response said yes he is.

[HollyK21]

Definitely not. Him taking you guys out for drinks was a kind way of him including you as his friends girlfriend. For you to get him a gift now though is just messy, especially if there is any assumption that he flirts with you or likes you, this will only fuel a fire and start unnecessary drama. One of the sucky parts of a breakup is that it’s not always just you ended things with that person, but with their friends and family too. It’s just part of the process though, so wash your hands of him in all aspects and move on.

[Asker]

Well I guess u don't have all the information, so ur assuming me and my ex are on bad terms and we're not. Calling him my ex feels weird because we're friends now and even talk to each other about other guys/girls.

As for the friend, he took us out on MY birthday specifically because it was my birthday, it wasn't by random chance and I tagged along. He specifically said "i want to buy (my name) drinks for her bday". And he's called me his friend outside of my ex, and we've hung out by ourselves. He's bought/made me other stuff too.

I kinda feel like you're projecting a bit by saying it'll be "messy" because like I said , he took time to do something for my bday as well so would u consider that messy?

[HollyK21]

Please don’t be one of those people who gets offended by outside perspectives, because I don’t know you and have zero ill intentions, so there’s no projecting here. I’ve never had to experience your situation because I’d never put myself in it, since an ex is an ex and his friends are not mine. To clarify, I never insinuated that there was animosity or an issue between you and your ex, so if that’s the impression you definitely have it wrong. All I’m saying, very plainly put, is that it’s messy to buy gifts for your ex’s friend WHEN there’s even the assumption out there that he flirts with you or is interested. If you disagree and want to buy the gift then by all means, do you, it means nothing to me and that is your lesson to learn, whether it be good or bad. When I said that him taking you out for drinks was him trying to include you, that’s literally it — him wanting to do something nice by creating an outing that you all could do together. Again, if you disagree then that is perfectly fine. Anyway, if the 3 of you are all buddy-buddy and whatever then why ask this question at all? Sounds like you’ve got some reservations about doing so, otherwise you would’ve just done it already and it wouldn’t even be a second thought.

[Asker]

First you say you don't care but wrote a book? Make it make sense. Second, no one is offended? I was offering more information so u could come to a conclusion outside of mere assumptions.

Sounds like you have issues with your own ex and you're projecting to me if I'm being honest.

And how are u going to tell me what he meant by taking us out for drinks? You're ASSUMING he was "just trying to include me" when I literally told u he did it specifically for my bday. He didn't need to "find an activity for us to do", because it wasn't necessary to "find an activity", when we all hang out regularly. he could have just said "hbd" and kept it moving but he decided to got out of his way to do something nice for me.. Soo like I said, he specifically offered to take us out because it was my bday, if he wanted to hangout with JUST my ex he would do that.

And by your logic if him taking me out just to be nice was okay.. then why is me buying him a gift to be nice suddenly NOT okay?

I'm not seeing any logic in your replies whatsoever.

[HollyK21]

I’m sorry but since when is a few sentences a book? That’s me trying to get my point across, not having feelings about YOUR Decision lol I literally said i cannot relate because I’d never to any of that. We are not the same. You also seem to be a bit confused, honey. All I am saying is that since there’s the assumption that your ex’s friend flirts with you and all that, then it looks bad to buy him a gift. As the other comments have said: why bother? He is not your friend, but your ex’s, and he only got you drinks. So what. But if you’re going to feel like such a jackass if you don’t get the gift, then baby girl get the gift lol it makes no difference to me, I don’t even know you and I don’t understand what part of that is going over your head. You’re being irrational and hostile just because you aren’t getting all these thumbs up from people to do something silly.

[HollyK21]

Also, please stop trying to force that sense of “projection” onto me, because for a third time I will say: I can’t relate because I’d never do that. When I break up with someone then guess what? That includes their friends lol, I sure as heck not going to stir the pot by gifting his friend that flirts with me.

[Asker]

Commented twice but don't care?

Girl bye.

[HollyK21]

Definitely bye lol good luck with all that.

[HollyK21]

I’m projecting but you’re spazzing out bc people don’t agree with you lol it’s giving mentally unstable. Would you like the green light to buy a gift? Go ahead and do it honey.❤️

[Asker]

You're literally commenting multiple times because I must've struck a nerve. I don't care if people agree or disagree (which is why I asked for advice) as long as the present LOGIC.. which you failed to do.

You're now insulting me and calling me mentally unstable, when 3 comments ago you said you done even know me? Make it make sense. You clearly care too much what the internet thinks of you.

[HollyK21]

I never called you mentally ill, I said your actions are giving that lol. Listen, what happens in the space between what I say and how you interpret it is none of my business. To be honest, the fact that you lashed out in your first response just shows that clearly you are the one who cares about what the internet thinks. Then, cherry on top, you have the nerve to say that I am not presenting logic? Lmao, girl! Please tell me what’s logical about buying gift for your ex’s friend, who flirts with you and may like you? Because that unproblematic and super logical, right?

[jahaims]

If he's not your friend why would you get him a gift

[Asker]

If he's not my friend then why would he take me out for drinks on my bday? He specifically offered it to me

[jahaims]

Because he wants to fuck you. You called him your ex's friend not yours.

[Asker]

Mmm but my ex was there? During the drinking outing I mean. So how could he be trying to fuck me if my ex was there?

[jahaims]

Duh.

[Asker]

Um what?

[In_Trance]

He's jerked off to you many times

[Asker]

Lmfao what?

[emperor90]

Yeah u should since he took u out

[Asker]

That's what I'm thinking as common courtesy tbh I feel like a selfish jerk if I don't, cuz he took me out

[Wise4myage]

Why bother?

[Asker]

Ah yes, why bother being nice to humans

[Wise4myage]

Because he’s an ex. Why not buy a gift for a homeless person instead?

[Asker]

It's not for my ex...

[hhhffg7889]

Yes. Do it