Breakup after one fight?

[Anonymous]

He broke up with me after one fight. We are both in our 40s and the relationship was at about 6mths. We were really having a great time, made each other laugh, we were affectionate, spoke for hours and had similar interests. I was going through something at work which worried me, I woke up really early 4am, but went to another room so I didn't disturb him. When his alarm went off (at 8am) I went through and asked him if he was ok (his teeth had been hurting him the day before), he said he would be if someone hadn't woken him at 4am. I did snap at this, which I know was wrong and apologised straight away and tried to de-escalate the situation, but he was really angry, I left to let cool down but in a nice way to let him calm. He ignored me for a day then the next day told me it was over. I legit would like to know if this a reason to split, honestly I thought we were really happy and this was just a silly fight.

Updates

+1 y

He did say we shouldn't be arguing at 6mths and his ex girlfriend would take things out on him, pick fights and be really controling, for full disclosure. So I think he did have a lot of unresolved things from the past.

[caring__1]

I'm not going to legitimize either your behavior or his, but it appears he's been traumatized in the past, and this experience brought back those old frightening feelings. Other issues can make this worse (ie sleepy, in pain, frustrated by something else, etc.). When we see signs that remind us of our trauma we often either put up our guard (becoming defensive and aggressive) or we run away. If he doesn't work through his past trauma with a trauma specialist, he'll probably continue this pattern throughout his life. If he doesn't, and the two of you stay together, you'll have to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering him. Without his getting help, this relationship will never thrive.

[Asker]

Thank you, think you really summed it up well for me there and that's what I felt 100%. Likewise I'm going to look at my triggers and try to get some growth from this too.

[caring__1]

You're welcome. You may also want to learn more about potential partners and how their past has impacted them before investing.

[Anonymous]

Some people (over) react, and think about it later. Maybe it was an "excuse" to (ie wasn't going as well for him as you thought it was)? Or like you said in your update, triggered something from the past. But you can see how he is now. If he changes his mind, you might have to have a talk about any future arguments you might have and how you both (you said you over reacted also) can handle it better.

[Asker]

Thank you, yes I agree, totally see there has to be an agreed way we both handle things/ better comms if there's a future.

[SnakeBoop]

deffo split then. if he can't handle one silly fight, he can't handle anything else.

[spartan55]

Apparently it was a big enough reason for him. Sounds like he did you a favor, what a baby.

[noohair]

I think that there is something else going on. Most guys build up to a break, This sounds weird.

[priyakigaandme]

Break up after One fight? Did he ever love you?

[Asker]

He said he did, and I appreciate feelings can change, but he didn't fight for the relationship or even want to discuss things/work them out, so I guess that means he didn't really, or just got really scared.

[priyakigaandme]

And what about you? You still love him like BEFORE?

[Asker]

Yes I still love him, but I do have to really consider if our relationship is this fragile whether it's a good idea for both of us though.

[jerdanro]

I was his baggage, not you. I'm sure of it.

[In_Trance]

Cut your loss and move on

[Avicenna]

He sounds immature