Did I make the right decision?

[Magosmall06]

Ex and I split up as he was arrested for abuse. Several months later he reached out to me. We started talking again. And he was fine. Then for the past few weeks he’s been really distant/disinterested. When I asked about it he would say I was “kicking off” and said I give him anxiety etc when I said nothing wrong.

He would purposely read my messages and not say anything for hours. I asked if he still loved me and he said I need to “regain his trust” and how he’s not giving until he knows I won’t “kick off” etc. He also cancelled on me twice in the past week with no apology etc. I’m just fed up with it all. And so yesterday I told him I wanted to move on. But now I’m thinking of all the things he said to me. Did I do the right thing?

[dudeinohio]

Yes you did the right thing. He is can abuser. If you got back with him, he would get worse. Abusers always escalate.

[Fayeleo]

he was arrested for abuse and somehow he turned it around and it is now you have to win his trust?

[Magosmall06]

I know. It’s because the police were involved and he tries to make out he need to “trust” that I won’t go to the police again erc. The whole thing is just awful. I feel guilty for ending things but I hate the situation

[Fayeleo]

Right- so he got arrested because you called the cops. Was it physical/verbal? What was the verdict? While he needs assurance that you do not call cops every single time, but the most important is what triggers you to call police - is it you being dramatic or is it him being dangerous? Without details we cannot tell, but you need to assess it yourself.

[Magosmall06]

He was verbal mostly. But it did get physical near the end. He’d block exits of our house and refused to let me leave. He wrestled me away from the door - I broke down in tears and he dragged me across the floor. I mentally couldn’t cope with the constant put downs so I only called them once and I actually for advise because I didn’t understand the situation and they arrested him

[Fayeleo]

then I do not see a reason why you want to be back to him. He has demonstrated this side of him and I do not see how he can change the next day and how you can just cope with it the next time such fight starts. I would not advise you two to get back together immediately, definitely not under the same roof.

[Magosmall06]

We both agreed we would just take it slow and see how it went. But he’s already acting like this after a month. I’ve seen him twice and I tried to explain to him that if he acts distant then how can we repair things and he will just say I’m kicking off or turn it on me. So I think maybe we shouldn’t be even talking at all

[Fayeleo]

yep. let him take the lead and pace. But you should do some self-reflection if you can really handle his way of blowing the top when it comes to disagreements or fights. IMP, watch out with men who have violent tendencies. It can go worse.

[Wise4myage]

You absolutely did the right thing.