Well I was the one who initiated the relationship. Neither of us really proposed, we talked and agreed to get married mutually. I gave him an ultimatum though, we either get married or our relationship was over. I actually bought is ring before he bought mine.
@Subarugirl ultimatums suck... Do you end want to get marry, knowing that he would've never proposed on his own without the ultimatum? Do you want to marry someone that you practically had to force it out of him and that it wasn't his idea to get married but yours?
@Vesuvius87 I didn't force him to do shit... and marriage was on the table before I got pregnant. We had already planned to get married after he graduated grad school, but the pregnancy bumped up the time line. I wasn't going to be a single mother, and I didn't twist his arm.
@Subarugirl While it's understandable you don't want to be a single mother, it's not exactly a great position to be in. If he proposes and gets married, unfortunately it won't be out of happiness but rather because of the child mainly. Personally I think it isn't wise to get pregnant before marriage.
Why would I waist my prime on someone who didn’t want to marry me when I made that clear that was my intention in dating? It was choice, if the goal wasn’t marriage then dating would be pointless. He knew that from the beginning. I didn’t command him to marry me, I expresses which direction I was going in my life and he was free to join me or not.
@Subarugirl the point of an ultimatum is that you’re not giving them a choice you’re putting them between a rock and a hard place just to get what you want it’s actually a manipulation tactic
How is telling someone that you are in a relationship with, that if their goal for being in that relationship isn't the same as yours there is no point in continuing that relationship? It wasn't manipulation it was communicating goals and what would be a deal breaker. If one person wants to get married and have kids, and the other doesn't... that's a deal breaker, not manipulation.
@Subarugirl it is manipulative because you only did it to get a result that you desired and I don’t think I need to tell you this but relationships are about compromise not boxing someone in to get what you want an ultimatum is my way or the highway
establishing goals, and boundaries with in a romantic relationship is not manipulation. Are you saying that I should have stayed with someone who didn't share the same goals for a relationship as I did? How is that fair to anyone involved?
@Subarugirl I’m not saying that I’m saying a relationship is merging two lives together you only want someone with the same goals because you think it’ll be easier and it’s not people try to dance around the difficulties of having a relationship and it’s unavoidable you are not in a relationship with yourself neither is the other person that’s why you have to find equal footing I know this is cliche but relationships are a never ending compromise if only one person in the relationship is getting what they want it’s doomed to fail because believe it or not you’re neglecting your partner that’s why people say communication is key I’m not saying establishing goals is manipulation I’m saying an ultimatum is because you cannot lose it’s a win win situation for you because you’re okay with either scenario
While I agree breaking is right if neither are on the same page nor have similar goals, I have to also agree there is NO compromise if someone wants marriage and kids and the other doesn't. There is no middle ground on that.
Exactly, so telling your significant that if you don't both have the same end goal for dating then there isn't a point in continuing that relationship. That's called communicating and establishing boundaries, not manipulations.
I see now why so many people struggle with and hate dating because no one wants to put in the effort to have a worth while relationship Dating someone with the same goals isn’t gonna make your relationship better because even if you have the same goals you’re going to want to do them a different way this is why so many relationships fail y’all honestly believe that compatibility is the only thing that matters and for the last time I said giving someone an ultimatum is manipulation not goals communication etc.
@Subarugirl I said an ultimatum. Ultimatum! Spell it out if you need to U L T I M A T U M you’re the one attaching all this other stuff to it an ultimatum is manipulating someone to get a results that you desire besides the ones you provided they have no other options
An ultimatum is defined as: a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations. Giving someone ultimatum can be manipulative, but in this case it was not. Telling someone that if they do not have the same goals for being in a relationship with you there is no point in continuing that relationship is not manipulation... I don't understand how you can be confused by that. It's not that complicated. If you want to get married which is the reason you are dating someone, how is telling them that if they don't share that goal there is no point in continuing the relationship manipulative?
Ultimatums in relationships should occur only when you truly cannot continue the relationship if nothing changes. They should not be used as idle threats or as a tool to manipulate your partner. Ultimatums are not inherently manipulative, which is what you are failing to realize.
@Subarugirl an ultimatum is literally one of these most toxic things to use in a relationship because no matter the result it wasn’t genuine your partner was pressured , and forced to take action planting a seed of resentment towards you that’s the whole point of an ultimatum it’s about control and getting your needs met over your partner it’s not a choice it’s a conditional demand if you’re threatening to leave someone if they don’t meet your demands you clearly don’t have their best interest in mind and you shouldn’t be with them that’s very selfish and tells a lot about your character
Ultimatums in relationships should occur only when you truly cannot continue the relationship if nothing changes. When you are dating, you are not married, why would you continue to date someone who isn't on the same page as you. It sounds a whole lot like you are saying that you should stay with someone who doesn't have the same goals as you and expressing what you need in order for the relationship to continue is selfish and manipulative.
How would you handle a situation like this? Let's say for example you want to get married and have kids, how would communicate that to someone you are dating that, that is a requirement for what you want in your life?
@Subarugirl if that’s what you wanted and that was a dealbreaker you shouldn’t have even dated you should made that clear and kept it moving then you should’ve just left but you wanted that person to do what you wanted Human beings are not psychic you don’t know if you would’ve ever found that person you gave him and ultimatum because it would be more convenient for you to convince this person that you wanted to do it if not you would’ve never spoke after you made your goals clear never dated and you would still be single and searching because having the same goals is as about as important as putting salt on bacon
Isn't that the purpose of dating though? To find out if your goals and their goals for the future align? How is that manipulative to tell someone you are dating that if your goals don't alight there is not point in continuing the relationship?
@Subarugirl is that the only reason to continue dating? Is that the only thing to consider when dating? Of course not oh he beats me disrespects my family is an alcoholic doesn’t want to work clean up after himself is racist xenophobe and sexist But he had the same goals he wanted to get married and have kids so I married him come on dude really?
For some people yes, that is the primary reason for dating. And no it is not the only thing that should be taken into consideration, there are many things that should. I am glad that you agree.
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Men are running from marriage and relationships. So good luck with that.
Unless you find yourself a soyboy or a fat guy or some sissy boy.
🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
That's pretty cool, but you have to be sure he'll be ok with it. Many guys wouldn't and want to take the lead, y'know?
it depends
you'd have to take it into consideration how old the two are, and why she's doing it
Yes sure. That may scare off the weak men but at least you got the results you were after. The results may or may not be of your liking.
I say don't do it unless you are for sure he wants to get married and us ready to.
We're in the 21st Century. I think if a female would like to propose then why not?
If the head of the house will be a woman when they get married, why not.
I think it doesn't matter in the 21st century really
Bring up the subject of Marriage instead of proposing!
I wish it would happen to me. Engaged many times but no marriage
we dont want marriage, we can live happy together without it
No, it's not. If you man hasn't asked you to marry him, then you need to figure out why.
@julianna445 All that matters is a lady having the guts to propose to a guy.
No very sad and desperate no real woman would behave in such a shameful manner
says the guy who was just complaining about how women never take initiative.
@Subarugirl the exception doesn't make the rule
You were just complaining about how women don’t take initiative and now it’s “shameful”. Pick a side
@Subarugirl no I said proposing is shameful
Proposing is taking initiative.
@Subarugirl so did/would you have proposed to your husband
Well I was the one who initiated the relationship. Neither of us really proposed, we talked and agreed to get married mutually. I gave him an ultimatum though, we either get married or our relationship was over. I actually bought is ring before he bought mine.
@Subarugirl
ultimatums suck...
Do you end want to get marry, knowing that he would've never proposed on his own without the ultimatum? Do you want to marry someone that you practically had to force it out of him and that it wasn't his idea to get married but yours?
@Vesuvius87 I didn't force him to do shit... and marriage was on the table before I got pregnant. We had already planned to get married after he graduated grad school, but the pregnancy bumped up the time line. I wasn't going to be a single mother, and I didn't twist his arm.
@Subarugirl
While it's understandable you don't want to be a single mother, it's not exactly a great position to be in. If he proposes and gets married, unfortunately it won't be out of happiness but rather because of the child mainly. Personally I think it isn't wise to get pregnant before marriage.
@Vesuvius87 yeah no kidding, it not like it was planned.
It was his choice, if he didn't want to marry me, he wouldn't have. I didn't force him.
@Subarugirl an ultimatum isn’t a choice it’s a conditional demand
Why would I waist my prime on someone who didn’t want to marry me when I made that clear that was my intention in dating? It was choice, if the goal wasn’t marriage then dating would be pointless. He knew that from the beginning. I didn’t command him to marry me, I expresses which direction I was going in my life and he was free to join me or not.
*waste
@Subarugirl the point of an ultimatum is that you’re not giving them a choice you’re putting them between a rock and a hard place just to get what you want it’s actually a manipulation tactic
How is telling someone that you are in a relationship with, that if their goal for being in that relationship isn't the same as yours there is no point in continuing that relationship? It wasn't manipulation it was communicating goals and what would be a deal breaker. If one person wants to get married and have kids, and the other doesn't... that's a deal breaker, not manipulation.
@Subarugirl it is manipulative because you only did it to get a result that you desired and I don’t think I need to tell you this but relationships are about compromise not boxing someone in to get what you want an ultimatum is my way or the highway
establishing goals, and boundaries with in a romantic relationship is not manipulation. Are you saying that I should have stayed with someone who didn't share the same goals for a relationship as I did? How is that fair to anyone involved?
@Subarugirl I’m not saying that I’m saying a relationship is merging two lives together you only want someone with the same goals because you think it’ll be easier and it’s not people try to dance around the difficulties of having a relationship and it’s unavoidable you are not in a relationship with yourself neither is the other person that’s why you have to find equal footing I know this is cliche but relationships are a never ending compromise if only one person in the relationship is getting what they want it’s doomed to fail because believe it or not you’re neglecting your partner that’s why people say communication is key I’m not saying establishing goals is manipulation I’m saying an ultimatum is because you cannot lose it’s a win win situation for you because you’re okay with either scenario
While I agree breaking is right if neither are on the same page nor have similar goals, I have to also agree there is NO compromise if someone wants marriage and kids and the other doesn't. There is no middle ground on that.
Exactly, so telling your significant that if you don't both have the same end goal for dating then there isn't a point in continuing that relationship. That's called communicating and establishing boundaries, not manipulations.
I see now why so many people struggle with and hate dating because no one wants to put in the effort to have a worth while relationship Dating someone with the same goals isn’t gonna make your relationship better because even if you have the same goals you’re going to want to do them a different way this is why so many relationships fail y’all honestly believe that compatibility is the only thing that matters and for the last time I said giving someone an ultimatum is manipulation not goals communication etc.
No it’s not manipulation, that’s my point. I’m glad you agree
@Subarugirl I never said it wasn’t I said an ultimatum is
@Subarugirl the fact that you had to give him an ultimatum means that you shouldn’t have married him
I don't think that communicating my intentions and goals is an ultimatum, honestly I don't think any rational person would.
@Subarugirl are you messing with me? Because I think we have already established that
Yeah we have and somehow you keep trying to make it sound like manipulation.
@Subarugirl I said an ultimatum. Ultimatum! Spell it out if you need to U L T I M A T U M you’re the one attaching all this other stuff to it an ultimatum is manipulating someone to get a results that you desire besides the ones you provided they have no other options
An ultimatum is defined as: a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations. Giving someone ultimatum can be manipulative, but in this case it was not. Telling someone that if they do not have the same goals for being in a relationship with you there is no point in continuing that relationship is not manipulation... I don't understand how you can be confused by that. It's not that complicated. If you want to get married which is the reason you are dating someone, how is telling them that if they don't share that goal there is no point in continuing the relationship manipulative?
Ultimatums in relationships should occur only when you truly cannot continue the relationship if nothing changes. They should not be used as idle threats or as a tool to manipulate your partner. Ultimatums are not inherently manipulative, which is what you are failing to realize.
@Subarugirl an ultimatum is literally one of these most toxic things to use in a relationship because no matter the result it wasn’t genuine your partner was pressured , and forced to take action planting a seed of resentment towards you that’s the whole point of an ultimatum it’s about control and getting your needs met over your partner it’s not a choice it’s a conditional demand if you’re threatening to leave someone if they don’t meet your demands you clearly don’t have their best interest in mind and you shouldn’t be with them that’s very selfish and tells a lot about your character
Ultimatums in relationships should occur only when you truly cannot continue the relationship if nothing changes. When you are dating, you are not married, why would you continue to date someone who isn't on the same page as you. It sounds a whole lot like you are saying that you should stay with someone who doesn't have the same goals as you and expressing what you need in order for the relationship to continue is selfish and manipulative.
How would you handle a situation like this? Let's say for example you want to get married and have kids, how would communicate that to someone you are dating that, that is a requirement for what you want in your life?
@Subarugirl if that’s what you wanted and that was a dealbreaker you shouldn’t have even dated you should made that clear and kept it moving then you should’ve just left but you wanted that person to do what you wanted Human beings are not psychic you don’t know if you would’ve ever found that person you gave him and ultimatum because it would be more convenient for you to convince this person that you wanted to do it if not you would’ve never spoke after you made your goals clear never dated and you would still be single and searching because having the same goals is as about as important as putting salt on bacon
Isn't that the purpose of dating though? To find out if your goals and their goals for the future align? How is that manipulative to tell someone you are dating that if your goals don't alight there is not point in continuing the relationship?
@Subarugirl is that the only reason to continue dating? Is that the only thing to consider when dating? Of course not oh he beats me disrespects my family is an alcoholic doesn’t want to work clean up after himself is racist xenophobe and sexist But he had the same goals he wanted to get married and have kids so I married him come on dude really?
For some people yes, that is the primary reason for dating. And no it is not the only thing that should be taken into consideration, there are many things that should. I am glad that you agree.
@Subarugirl whatever.
Who cares about what’s “proper”? Live live the way you wanna live it.
Ofc it is, there's no law saying you have to wait for the guy to ask
You're right, marriage is just a contract for the courts.
No, that’s not a good idea.
Sure. It's the same as a guy.
''We'' are a bit slow sometimes :D
Go for it.