With the way things are today with everyone pretty much having a cell phones and with all the drama we read about and hear about that pretty much everyone is a cheater and you can’t trust anyone , I wouldn’t hesitate to give my partner my phone if I was in a committed relationship, out of respect for the relationship , If I had to hide things from her then what would even be the point of being in a relationship with her period, is the way I look at it , I lived in a time where we didn’t carry around these fucking things and people actually looked at the world around them and respected each other more , not glued to their phones , but nowadays everyone pretty much has a phone and pretty much why most relationships don’t make it today , Social apps have made it so easy for people to enter into your life , I was married to a girl that I thought I would be married to forever , until she got addicted to Facebook and starting secretly having conversations with guys from her past that she probably would of never seen again, I started getting inboxes from ex girlfriends that I thought I would never see again , so if it wasn't for these smart phones and social apps those people wouldn’t be entering my life again , so on top of that my ex was secretly talking to a male co worker that had the hots for her and pretty much flirting with her privately her attitude toward me started changing and she started treating me like shit , like all of a sudden I wasn’t good enough for her , she started being distant from me and showed no affection , my suspicions rose to the point my gut told me something was wrong to come to find out that mother fucker was secretly flirting with her behind my back and his wife’s back , if it wasn't for me spying on her phone I would of had no clue this was happening, I ended up busting her meeting him at a hotel and I went ballistic to but I had all the evidence I needed for divorce , and I even called his wife and told her , so yes I feel partner’s should have access to each other’s phones if you have to hide shit from your partner you should not be in a relationship , it’s nothing to do with insecurities , it’s to do with respect for each other , bottom line , people that need to keep secrets from their committed partner are the biggest pieces of shit on this planet and they deserve everything they have coming to them and should not be in a relationship period, they are only wasting their time pretending they love someone when really they don’t , cheaters are selfish people and only really care about themselves , so my thing is stay single if you can’t commit to someone , especially to someone that you want them to commit to you , selfishness is one of the biggest relationship killers , if you can’t wear your partner’s shoes like they are wearing Yours then your relationship will not make it , and it’s just a waste of time. Now if you are just dating then no they don’t need access to your phone but when you commit yes they do
Giving your partner your phone is like handing them a super diary. Don't be a sucker, there are plenty of people who talk to you that probably do not want their conversations read by anybody but you.
Unless you need to have a talk with them, it is walking a thin line of betraying his trust and shows you have very little faith in him that you need to invade his private stuff whenever you want. No matter the relationship, no matter how strong, everyone has secrets & private stuff they will share when they feel ready, and invading that is a major betrayal of trust. Trust is always hard to earn back after breaking it.
It’s better to just let them know everything instead. That way you have nothing to hide. Unless you have dark secrets that you can’t let them know. What exactly can be on your phone besides porn and family conversations? If you got something you don’t want anyone to know about, then delete it from your phone. For some reason people like to keep conversations and pics from their ex’s. Live a clean life and you won’t need to hide anything.
@GlassTop it doesn't always matter if you tell the truth & be honest, paranoia can cause mistrust, especially when you have a history of ex-partners cheating
I agree with @GlassTop. Being in a relationships means giving your significant other certain privileges. Keeping things like access to a phone private often means something shady is happening. I believe it all depends on intention. My girlfriend and I don't have each other's code to snoop around and read private emails or conversations. It is out of simplicity of having 2 phones to access. We also have nothing to hide.
A lot of people pin it on privacy. Yes, I do believe in privacy as well. At the same time you have to keep in mind that this is often a way cheaters guilt trip their 'significant others' to get away with whatever mischief they are doing. You talk about paranoia, in my experience it is those who are defensive about their phones who are often paranoid and have a reason to be paranoid (trying to hide things from their significant other).
If I happen to be dating a girl who refuses to share her code after some time, then I stop seeing her. Not because I want to snoop around and catch her with a red flag, but because it indicates that she is keeping things from me that could potentially sabotage the relationship nonetheless.
I believe that everyone has their own privacy, you don't need to have your partner's password, accounts, just too make sure that he/she won't cheat on you, instead let him/her on his own. , even if he doesn't give you this thing, if he/she truly loves you he won't do anything that could ruin your trust and relationship, and you must respect his decision.
He asked me once for my Facebook Password At first I ask him why he wanted to have my account, then he told me that just curious (what was going on) I gave him, not because I trust him, that's because I try to test him on what would be his action, he knows that I'm talking with my friends, he knows everything but never thought that he's going to block mutual friends and without asking, he deleted some of messages which I have not yet read, and try to change some of it without letting me know,(I knew that it will happen before, before I give him permission), I feel that he's insecure , doubting on nothing, he doesn't me to go around with my friends, he wants me to be alone. but never confront him after what happened,.
Only if your partner is okay with giving it to you. Otherwise, it's an invasion of privacy. You have to trust your partner enough to give him/her your lock screen code.
Depends on the type of relationship & if both people are comfortable with it. But I can imagine that more stable long-term relationships tend to be the transparent types. Assuming they go about it in a casual & healthy way & don't constantly pry.
Trust and transparency run through the same channel with regard to a relationship. If you kink one you kink the other. Every person I have spoken to that is in a happy relationship has told me they don't really care what is on their partner's phones, it's a none issue to them. I asked my neighbor a while back if he knew his wife's iPhone password and he said yes he did, it was the same as his. He went on to say this is like car keys. "I have a set of keys to my wife's car. I rarely use them, but I have them in case I have a reason to use her car. She has a key to my pickup!" This is a topic people are going to debate and I guess the debate is good. However, be warned! Standing on the principle of a right to privacy with regard to a spouse is leading down a VERY dangerous path. The guarded use of all forms of social media that cause distance is a HUGE red flag in a relationship. Over the years I have talked to hundreds of men and in some cases women who have been cheated on. To a person, they have stated one of the first signs was guarded phone use. A husband or wife that all of a sudden is stepping out of the room to speak on their phone when before they did not do so is asking for trouble. I can't remember if I said this in here or not. But a while back I had a man in my group working through a divorce. He still loved his wife and she did not want him to leave. This man lived in my spare bedroom for almost a month. One day he had enough of all the secrecy and simply asked for his wife's phone AND access to her other social media. She refused. He told her simply if that phone was out of his sight for even a minute until he examined it he was gone and the marriage was over! He warned her to think clearly. He did not see the phone, but the wife admitted to the affair. He still left her. Stand on that right to privacy all you want! Just be warned if you are cheating the truth is going to come out. "secrets" in a relationship most times result in asystole and lifetimes of regrets!
The 'KEY WORD' in that question is 'PARTNER'. The day my spouse and I elected to become as one... as BOTH being divorcees, we did TWO things. (1st) Levelled-up and granted one another 'blanket amnesty' for either/both our past circumstances (fresh start) and secondly,
agreed there was to be NO codacil secrets. We told one another each's access codes, we're BOTH approaching 'seniority' and should EITHER of us experience something unfortunate, critical information COULD become inaccessible. Neither she nor myself, rummages through the other's desk or papers, purse/wallet etc. NO ONE needs feel they're 'getting over' upon the other. We each hold the other's "durable power of attorney" for both medical and financial issues.
IF you AREN'T prepared to FULLY commit to 'partnership' you're just "playing house" and leaving your options open, if someone you perceive as 'better' comes along!
In a committed relationship, NO ONE should be able to say or tell anything to YOUR face, that they'd be unable to PROVE in the presence of BOTH of you! WHAT would be THEIR motives? WHOM are YOU 'saving it' for?
I would mind a little. But its not about protecting me but protecting other people.
I mean what if someone is sharing something very personal and secretive to me? Like about depression or suicide. I don't think my partner should be able to read messages that someone is sending me about their private life that they told me in confidence. Or what if I am planning a surprise party or even an engagement surprise with a few friends who are trying to help pull it off?
Aside from those types of situations I got nothing to hide.
If he ever offered to give me his phone's screen code number, Is would look at anything at all. Because when I did look in his phone I was repulsed at what a pervert he is! I went into total shock! It wasn't like he was looking at beautiful women, I would be ok with that. But the type of porn he is into made me realize what a sicko he is! I am still not over it, and can't believe I actually fell in love with this guy. I didn't know, he hid the porn and several dating sites, so I thought he was this really nice guy. Never again will I look in a guys phone because what I might see will change everything between us. He's a fricken 🐖.
I can see it being convenient in a long term relationship where people are truly comfortable with each other and have been for a while? I’ve never had a romantic relationship where I’ve shared my screen lock but I have with dear friends. They mostly know what I do online and anywhere really, so it doesn’t matter. So I think there is a barrier of trust that needs to be crossed. I also understand if people don’t want to share them. Some people have diaries and things on their phone that they want to keep to themselves.
No when I'm in a relationship I don't want my girlfriend's screen pass code I don't want any of her passwords that's her private information if I don't trust somebody I'm not going to be with them if I don't believe in that person I'm not going to be with you if there's any doubt in my mind I'm not going to be with that person I mean even if my significant other are my girlfriend wanted to give me the password I would forget about it I wouldn't even remember what it was cuz I don't really care all I know is that her like diary and I don't need to know that
Absolutely not. If people choose to do that, no problem (just a really dumb choice), but for that to be an obligatory condition is completely ridiculous. The whole idea of individual freedom, of emancipation, that quirky concept on which your right to vote is based, depends on the notion of individual privacy, along with responsibility--as in culpability. Anyone who thinks that is a good idea should just never leave home. That craziness is right up there with the notion that couples have to agree on everything, and that bullcrap only ever happens in relationships where one person does all the talking and makes all the decisions. It's must the biggest relationship red flag that can happen and, unfortunately, does happen, and it screams for attention, along the lines of grab your phone and RUN! NOW!
To me some relationships shouldn't if your partner is the type to snoop or has a history of it. Because it opens the door for them to break your trust all because they have an insecure feeling that you might be breaking theirs.
My girl now has my screencode. But she never asked for it and after 6 months I wanted her to check something on my phone for me and she had my complete trust at that point.
That said she has no right to my phone. She has access as a privilege. And that's really what it is at the end of the day.
This would depend on the intention. If it is out of suspicion of your partner being shady, then that pretty much sums up the quality of the relationship.
A lot of people here are about privacy, yet I have never had an issue sharing my code with my significant other because I have nothing to hide. My girlfriend also shared het code with me willingly. We don't have each other's codes to snoop around & read each other's text messages, but rather for the convenience of being able to access 2 phones instead of 1 (examples: when you want to do a quick Google search or call someone). I somtimes use her phone to call myself to see where I lost my phone in the bedsheets lol.
If my girlfriend would deny me access to her phone, then that's a red flag of possibly something shady. In the end, if you got nothing to hide, then you wouldn't have an issue sharing your code.
I don’t see the need to go through your partner’s phone nor do I care if he goes through mine (my friends know my passcode and I don’t rlly care when I see them going through my photos and shit on my phone). I don’t feel much need or want to look through an SO’s phone. But I do think that your passcodes shouldn’t be a secret to each other, not that you have to give each other your passcode but that you guys just don’t mind opening your phones while the other person is watching so you just end up naturally knowing.
Yes as that certainly is a sign of one who can be trusted. And if she asked to get a Contact out of my phone... then have at it. Why wouldn't you unless there's something to hide. What do you think is going to happen living together, engaged, or married? Without volunteering it, one is basically saying, "I value technology over you, my freedom is more important than establishing your trust in my judgment and general integrity" etc... Do you really think a guy, who does not volunteer access without Hints, is going to run household financials or have a joint operating account? Really now !!!
I didn't read all of the other opinions but most of them I read did seem to agree with what I first thought - which is no, HE shouldn't ask and, if he did, YOU shouldn't give it. I would think that if a guy asked me that, it'd be like him telling me he doesn't trust me. If that's the case, well, OK, bye! Why would I want to date a guy who does not trust me? I know I'm young, but it seems pretty straight forward to me.
It all depends on the relationship and people involved. Personally I have no problem sharing my lock code with my partner. I have nothing to hide, buy some people have a problem with privacy and they have nothing to hide either. Some people are just private even with those they love most. So honestly it's not right or wrong
I think its wrong to have their passcode/password. I wouldn't want him going through my phone even tho I dont do anything wrong. Its just I want privacy of personal texts between me and my sister lol. Not only that but I just feel there's no trust if they do look through. I wouldn't care looking through his
If couples want to exchange passwords, that is their prerogative, but neither is entitled to it. Even in a relationship, a person has a right to a reasonable amount of privacy.
Someone requiring their partner's password would be a sign, or indication, of trust issues, particularly when there has been no reason to be suspicious of their partner.
I don't think it's necessary. If both are comfortable with it why not? But there could be some messages about something that were told to me in confidence and I wouldn't want someone else to read them or if you've a job with some confidential information which you keep on your phone.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Yeah, there shouldn't be any problem. Those making excuses about privacy aren't really ready for a relationship. They're just goats afraid to stay alone. Relationship means, unification and you're one not two separate individuals. If you want privacy, freedom, individual whims then be single cowards. Don't drag a person to entertain you.
Absolutely NO! There's thing called "personal space" and it should be respected! I hate gossipping (forcing your partner to tell you the lockscreen password is a form of gossipping) and I'd never ask them for their lockscreen code. I also expect the same courtesy from my partner. If he/she can't accept that, we won't have any future together for much longer.
I don't really have any issue with her having my code but she can't have it. Due to my job I have access to sensitive information that I have to protect from prying eyes and that includes her. If at any point she wanted to check my phone out I'd allow it under supervision, but I have never given anyone any need to have to check my phone. Relationships are built on trust and if that trust fails then the relationship has failed too.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
"Should" - no. Can you? Yes. Depending on the couple and relationship, if the other person is comfortable with it, fine, but they also have a right to privacy. Doesn't "mean" they are necessarily hiding anything, just basic privacy (just like say if you didn't want a family member seeing your phone, doesn't mean you're "hiding" anything, it's just your basic privacy). Being a couple doesn't change that fact.
@Subarugirl I guess it would depend. Personally there's nothing on my phone anyone would need access to for anything. But I know some use it for everything also so? I don't trust the security of it so there's nothing on my phone that is of any use to anyone lol.
My phone has a very simple password and I couldn't care who has been on it or not, i rarely use it myself. My laptop she would know because she would want to use it tbf she would be able to create her own account so then she wouldn't need to know but I don't mind her using my account to do things on.
I find it odd that a lot of people are making this into a trust exercise in which they trust their partner to have some private information. What about trusting your partner enough to share? I do agree that this decision is up to the couple on what will lead to harmony and happiness, but for me, if I don't feel like I have to keep something private from my partner, I have no issue giving the key to my private world.
I never use lock screen code. Like everyone is entitled to their privacy of course, but I don't see why a couple for example couldn't access each other phones if they wanted to. I could easily offer my phone to any partner I been with if I was together with them of course.
This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves and one of the biggest red flags. I have private conversations with rape victims about their trauma and many other things of a deeply intimate and private nature..
A phone is like a super diary for yourself as well. Weren't we all taught that people trying to read your diary are fucking nosy dicks?
My husband knows mine, he doesn't have one on his. Neither of us care. We don't go through each other's stuff.
However, when you start demanding to know it and digging for SOMETHING then there's a problem. That starts creating the paranoia dynamic that always works out great for everyone involved.
I have a code because my phone was stolen once, and I feel the need to keep it secure. i don’t care if my girlfriend uses my phone or looks through it, etc. I have nothing to hide , However, no , she doesn’t have my code. she has no interest, and I have no interest knowing hers
If I think that I need access to your ducking phone then I don’t trust you and we shouldn’t be together… if I ever don’t trust you your first priority should be to prove your trust worthy was… if you feel offended by that then we will not get along.
So I shouldn’t want access and you should want to prove your trust.
I asked he why, cause it thought it was odd, and he replied, "I have nothing to hide, so I have no reason to be so secretive with my phone. You might see pron and messages from female friends, but that's about it."
Yes, but that's my opinion. I have my boyfriend's password and he has mine. It's about trust and love. He's my best friend and I trust him like no one else in the world. For me to trust you I have to trust you and build a relationship around that with love and loyalty.
But we don't go snooping through our phones, again there have to be trusted. I'm not that type of girl neither is he. I completely trust my man and he trusts me. (It depend on you and how you are in your relationship and the steps you take and how comfortable you are)
I believe that everyone has the right to their privacy, even if they are in a relationship. I don't want his code, nor do I want him to have mine. I also can't imagine him looking in my purse or me in his pocket. either you trust someone or you don't
Yap. My boyfriend doesn’t even have a passcode. I do, tho. My parents are nosey af, so I have to hide my stuff…lol If he wanted the passcode, I am down to give it to him. I have nothing to hide. 🤷🏾♀️
What about deeply intimate and private conversations with your friends where they detail horrific trauma that they do not want anyone but you to know about?
@Juxtapose My friends already know I tell my boyfriend everything. Somethings I do keep things to myself. The only reason I do that, is because I feel like it isn’t something they would like me to discuss with him… But if it is stuff about their boyfriend, and school, I am tell him. 😂
My friend didn't have the passcode to his wife's phone, but she had her iphone linked to the mac so all her texts would go to the computer while she was on it. Well she forgot to disconnect her phone from the computer one day and started texting her friend about how she fucked 3 if the neighbors.
Yes of course you don’t know whenever y’all need the phone or you forget your phone by accident and she goes to the bathroom and it’s sitting right next to you and you have to make a phone call that’s probably a lack of trust as well I never lock my phone anyway
Lol. I only would give it my husband and not to a boyfriend. Who knows what he will do. What if he downloads programs that help him to track you? I dont trust a boyfriend
No but with fingerprints lock, it's not really a problem to keep it locked and the pin safe. They have their own phone so they don't need access to mine.
I think it's okay, not necessary. Me and my girlfriend actually set up face unlock to eachothers phones (mainly because she can't remember my pin 🤣🤣)
But that still doesn't mean I'll go sniffing around her phone.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
No, but then again most guys don't lock their phones, unless their phones are provided by their work.
But with women, Show me a woman that can leave her phone around her man unlocked because there’s nothing in there she’s hiding. -- Go ahead, I’ll wait --
I had it and regreted it. It will make you paranoid. Leave this idea before it ruins your relationship. It won't give any solution. If you have no trust , believe me the phone checking won't make it better... it will make it worst.
There's no need to know their credentials or passwords for anything, but I wouldn't mind sharing it either if I trusted them and we exchanged the same transparency.
No. That is just freaky and controlling. You should not be in a relationship you are not 100% certain in to begin with. Hence I laugh at males snx females who try and justify their privacy invasions.
A situation will always arise where you're driving or busy, and you need someone to unlock your phone for you. It's weird if you won't give it to me at least.
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