I missed the chance to ever find the love of my life. I’m 25, turning 26 in June. I have had very bad luck finding a partner. How can I cope?

[BabyBritty]

Everyone is always saying love happens when you least expect it and things like that but it’s never happened to me no matter how great or bad my life is going. I’m never really actively “looking” either.
I’ve had to get comfortable being single. Ever since high school I was never really a first choice. I am very attractive and kind and have a lot going for myself. But I know I missed the chance to partner up because everyone around me is in a relationship or at least gets past the first or second date or gets hit on regularly.
I feel like it’s not meant for me at all even when I’m happy and content with my life. So should I just accept that I missed the boat?

[WonderBell99]

You are 25, not 40. Please do not fret. 25 isn’t old at all. Don’t date because others are pressurizing you, date because you want to find a partner you can SHARE your life with, and most importantly, only if you’re ready.

There are good men out there, who would be willing to date you and give you the world. You CANNOT fall in love with someone unless you make an effort to go out and socialize with people. You should go out there and try dating, honestly. Don't give up.

- Don't be afraid to make the first move. Contrary to popular belief, *most* men LOVE it when a woman makes the first move. Don't hint at him, be straightforward. Men are terrible at taking hints... Well, NOT all, but at least, many are. If you find someone intriguing or attractive, strike up a conversation with them, and say “hey, I’d like to get to know you a bit more over a cup of coffee. Do you maybe want to go out with me sometime?”

- Use dating as an excuse to try out something new. When will you ever get the chance to spontaneously explore San Francisco at midnight, or eat your first oyster ever? Dates are the time to try everything you’ve always wanted to, and those you’ve never thought you would. There’s no better way to make a date fun than trying something unexpected and new.

- it's ok to take up relationship advice from someone you trust. Dating is hard in this day and age, but there are people out there who just want to be loved by someone.. just like you. You just need to find the person you click with. What are your hobbies? If you like animals, go to an animal shelter and volunteer. You may meet someone there. Or just go to your local supermarket and talk to someone there.

- “Ever since high school I was never really the first choice.” Why is that? You need to have better standards. Don’t chase after men who are emotionally unavailable or treat you like a rebound.

- If you are looking for a long term partner, then you should start by making an effort. Dating is not all about luck. You either click with someone or you don't. You might have to date 100 guys before finding someone worth settling down with, while your best friend ends up finding “the one” after only dating one guy. And that’s OK. It’s not about finding and securing a boyfriend/fiancé ASAP because everyone around you is doing so; it’s whether or not you find someone the meshes well with you. And that could happen 5 years from now, or even tomorrow.

- It's OK to take a break. Dating can be exhausting. From the slew of options when it comes to dating apps and websites, to the emotional ups and downs of good and bad dates, sometimes you just need to step back to regroup. Start again when you’re ready

- Be completely open. Some of the best conversations you'll have maybe on your date! It’s when you’re honest with each other that you reach a level of closeness you never thought you’d have. Talk about what you want and what your boundaries are from the start. Those who are worth it will respect that, and for those who don’t, kick them to the curb.

Lastly, don't give up.

[WonderBell99]

... and even if you WERE 40, its okay.

[BabyBritty]

Well I’d love to date and I’m ready to but I don’t want to use apps. And I get approached in person sometimes but I’m also really shy.
On the other hand, this is hard to admit but I don’t believe love actually exists at least romantically. I feel like I also do make an effort but in those times my feelings are never reciprocated. And men who approach make effort at first but then pull away. Also I think if I were to be with someone I’d be abused in some way and would have to just deal with it. I envision myself getting married just to say I have been and then getting divorced like 3 months later because I couldn’t take it anymore.

[WonderBell99]

Why don’t you want to use apps? There are some genuinely good people on there even though many just want hookups. You have to make it very clear that you are only interested in a long term relationship and not a fling or a casual friends with benefits. There is no harm in trying.. right?

[WonderBell99]

Love does exist, BUT it can only sustain if both the parties are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work. Of course relationships are hard. All relationships, regardless of whether platonic or romantic are difficult.

Why do you think you would be abused? Is it because of some sort of past trauma?

[BabyBritty]

No one was interested from the dating apps. I know I sound down on myself but I’ve just tried so many things. It’s just not meant for everyone, I’ve learned. And the guys I really want who are on my level apparently have so many “options” so why even try I guess. I won’t settle for less.
Overall I think it’s stupid and a waste of time. So many people are married or in a relationship who don’t even deserve it and never worked on themselves at all.

[WonderBell99]

I went through the comments, and you seem to be interested in a guy. Why not give it a shot?

[BabyBritty]

I’d be abused because no men are actually deeply romantically interested in me. They’d be with me for the wrong reasons. I know I’m a lovable person but I am not lovable in a romantic sense.
I’ve put myself out there, I walk tall and confidently, I have great things going for myself, and still it’s not meant to be.

[BabyBritty]

Also men think a lot with their dicks. While I am attractive physically and know it, I could not possibly keep a guy sexually attracted to me for long, I don’t think I even give any guys boners LOL.

[WonderBell99]

Why do you think so? Honestly, this fear is what keeping you from finding someone you can build a life with.

[BabyBritty]

It’s not a fear. It’s the truth - they don’t see my value even though I’m gorgeous and have so much to offer in a relationship. They just aren’t into it.

[WonderBell99]

You are going after the wrong men. You need to find someone who would respect and accept you for who you are.

[BabyBritty]

It’s every single guy out there. Again, I know that I am loved but it’s not possible for a guy to see me in a romantic way.

[WonderBell99]

That’s a vague generalization. You seem to have a negative view about dating and romantic relationships, in general. I can only give you assurance that not every single guy out there is an asshole. Can’t do anything more than that.

[Sweetener_]

Preach sis @WonderBell99

[SecretsofKB]

Hey! Don't get discouraged!!!

So I'll be turning 26 about 2 months after you and just last year did I find the one I'm going to marry! And here's the kicker, they are 27 and will be 28 in a few months!

They had been in and out of relationships for awhile and were getting worried that they would not find anyone. Well, low and behold, we met and have been dating for just over 7 months.

You really haven't missed out on finding your person!!!

I was like you too. I had gotten used to being single. I had been single for about a year and a half at that point. I got focused work and wasn't actively looking. Just one day, bam, there she was and I've found the one for me!!

Just keep your head up and take it as it comes!!! You'll find your person!!!

[BabyBritty]

@SecretsofKB thank you for this. That is amazing! Unfortunately I don’t think it’s in the cards for me. But I’m happy for others who have it going for them, that’s great they found someone who loves them :)

[SecretsofKB]

Well, just don't be surprised if someone you think is the one crosses your path soon!!!

[BabyBritty]

There’s a guy I really like but I don’t see him a lot but I’ve had a good feeling about him. I could be wrong but he might be the one. We haven’t actually talked yet but I think about him all the time but I think he gave up because he didn’t think I was interested. It’s weird but every time I see him I feel so happy.

[SecretsofKB]

That's a great sign!!! Give it a shot!!!

[BabyBritty]

I haven’t been seeing him much though so he probably moved on and probably lost his attraction/interest in me. I’m used to it though.

[BabyBritty]

Guys give up so easily with me because they don’t want me enough.

[slatyb]

I met mine at 40. Keep looking. Participate in activities that attract single men. Outdoor activity groups are good, co-rec sports, even some geeky meetups could work.

[Dragonstarterplus]

Hmmm this is tough you may to actually *gasp* TRY for once instead of just sitting around waiting for the world to come to you

[SlothySlob]

Either become more proactive and take the first step, or lower your standards. I really don't know what else you could do.

[jahaims]

Luck doesn't exist. You are either undesirable or are bad at finding a partner

[Anonymous]

This question has been out for only 5 hours and the question asker already deactivated.
Don't bother.

[robinmarlar]

No... The story is not over yet..

[BabyBritty]

I mean what’s wrong with never having romance in your life? I think I might just have to accept it the way it is.

[blueazure]

You can try again or just focus on yourself.

[grega239]

Find something to do

[BabyBritty]

I do a ton of things. Way more than the average person. Lmao.