Relationships

He's left it up to me to decide the course of this relationship & I don't know what to take from that?

The simplest way to explain us is we are friends with benefits who act like a couple most days for the past 9 months. He is a few years older travels for work & has his general shit for the most part together. I on the other hand just graduated college & I'm trying to figure everything out & really dotn have my life together at all. So sometime back I brought up how we had gradually become a bit distant & I half jokingly inquired about his love life, curious to know where his head was at. & his response was that until I tell him that I want nothing to do with him, he won't leave me & there will be no change in the way he feels about me. I've pondered on it since then & I still don't know how to take that response. I like him & I'm not the type to just like anyone..& I can see a future together but I am also bit self sabatoging as well & almost half hope one of these days when I ask he will say yes he's moving on... which would tear me to pieces but it's almost better than trying & failing like I am afraid of falling into this relationship given the circumstances, even though I want it too. I guess really I don't understand why he's still here.. even though he says he wants more... but thats not where im at & why I have to be the one to have say.
He's left it up to me to decide the course of this relationship & I don't know what to take from that?
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