My boyfriend wants a year of fun after marriage but I want a baby at once. How do I convince him to tow my line?

[Gloree]

Instant babies after marriage

We are discussing marriage. He said he wants a year of rest and fun as children can come between the fun. I don't want this at all. I want instant babies.

This is what my friend and her husband did. They wanted fun and now that they are ready, they can't have children and had to adopt. I don't want to experience what they are going through.

We've been arguing about it and it is getting serious. I have agreed to his decision but I have a silent plan to seduce him into getting me pregnant once we are married. (Any tips?)

Will this be wrong or how do I convince him to tow my line?

Updates

+1 y

His major reason is that "women get married to the babies." And he has seen it happen around him. So he wants to "enjoy the attention and companionship while it lasts"

[crossdressingrihno]

Deliberately planning a unwanted pregnancy is in my opinion almost bad as rape here's why

#1 your taking away a man's freedom because he's now he's stuck either paying child support or raising a kid he didn't even want (oh yeah and he WILL be bitter twords you and rightfully so)

#2 you brought a child into this world despite knowing this child would be stuck between a manipulative mother and bitter father (your manipulative because your baby scheme and the father will be bitter because you disrespected him and stole a part of his life away from him)


I know many will disagree with my assessment but the fact is you're not ruining one life here if you do this you're ruining too maybe even three

This action is almost guaranteed to lead to a divorce and depending on where you live a lawsuit as well
But then your husband is going to be stuck with a child and he won't even be married
And again you're going to have a child that might only be loved by one parent and even if the child is loved by both he still going to be stuck between two divorced parents who are going to be incredibly mad at each other because naturally even though it's your fault you'll still probably get mad and the reason I'd say it'd be your fault is because you literally concocted the scheme that would have destroyed your marriage

And it might even ruin your life too cuz now you're a single mother and depending on how you feel about that you might hate it a lot you might like it but you'll probably hate it and then only that but again you're going to lose out on a marriage and a long happy life because you were impatient which is one hell of a way to go



By this point you've already exposed yourself if I'm being honest this is conniving and manipulative you know it is you might not like to admit it most people don't like to admit when they do something bad but it's conniving and manipulative

If you legitimately love your husband and aren't just looking for a glorified sperm donor then your best bet is to either tell him what you're planning on doing and tell him that you realized it was bad and that you don't want to do it now and then don't do it or you keep your mouth shut but still don't do it

Look it's only a year right he just wants a year that's fine you can do fun stuff within a year you can even spend the time planning out everything before you have a child if you want to besides it's honestly irresponsible to get married and then immediately want to pop out a baby we're not in the 1800s here you have time and you don't exactly need an air to the throne anytime soon

[crossdressingrihno]

I don't want to call you a bad person and guilt trip you because for all I know maybe you just didn't think this through very well but to me it doesn't really sound like you didn't think it through very well you just didn't think of the consequences very well because you're too self-absorbed right now

I don't want to say mean things about people but if I'm being honest if you want to save your marriage right now what you need is a swift kick in the ass and a push in the right direction the swift kick in the ass is to remind you oh hey this is a bad idea you're ruining your marriage and several people's lives and the push in the right direction to show you oh hey there is a way to go about this that isn't morally bankrupt and absolutely bonkers

[crossdressingrihno]

Anyway I gave you your swift kick in the ass so now I shall give you your push in the right direction

[crossdressingrihno]

By going with his idea you have time to plan out for the child extra time

[crossdressingrihno]

And it's quality time with him which is also nice ain't it?
I mean if you love someone quality time with them should be a good thing huh?
Think of it as a way to get comfortable with your situation before you do anything drastic like the calm before the storm the way to get prepared.

[crossdressingrihno]

And of course there's the fun plenty of fun and fun is good

[crossdressingrihno]

He's not saying he doesn't want to have a child he's saying he wants to have a year-long break before he does and a year isn't very long you might think it's long but the average human these days has about 80 of them

[crossdressingrihno]

You're not going to become an old lady in a year and you're not going to lose the likelihood of having a childhood in a year and if it's really that big of a deal right you can actually preserve some of your eggs and some of his sperm for insemination and then more or less act like your own surrogate mother later down the line when you're ready which also would lead to an even better chance of success anyways and it gives you that time he wants and you'll still be ready when the time comes even if somewhere down that line you become infertile for whatever reason

[crossdressingrihno]

There are so many ways around your fears and you should honestly be spending time looking your ways around them up

[crossdressingrihno]

I'm sure your husband wouldn't be opposed to making such a preparation ahead of time just in case something happens with your fertility or is it's a good failsafe and if nothing else it again will lead to a higher chance of a successful insemination

[crossdressingrihno]

That's all I'm going to say do with this information is you wish I did what I could to help

[KennethNoisewater]

You should definitely follow his lead on this one. The only reason I say this is because you can have fun for a couple years and then have a kid. if you do your plan first, by the time the kid turns 18 (if you were to have the child in the next year) you will be 54 years old. It makes sense to have the fun while you got a few more years where that is appealing.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you have agreed to his position but secretly have a plan to work around it, then that means you don't respect him and, as soon as he learns what you have done, he won't trust you. . . and why should he? Is this your idea of establishing a good foundation for a marriage?

[Apple1996]

If your really 34 then you might want to consider having a baby now. Waiting longer is just gonna make things more difficult. Trust me took me a while to conceive my last baby and it was literal hell on earth. I don't recommend anyone ever waiting for the right time to have a baby cause there isn't ever a right time.
If it was me I'd tell him to give me a baby now or ill find someone else to do it. Maybe I'm just harsh but you gotta be that way if your serious about having a baby.

[RobT312]

Haha well I’m with u.
im getting married this yr and want babies... I’m not getting any younger.
we delayed getting married due to Covid , so we had prolonged fun... I really have the urge to have a kid around!
you can still have your fun with kids... maybe compromise

[Gloree]

I feel you. Lolz. Congrats in advance and thanks for your opinion.

[RobT312]

👍👍 you too!

[sage2021]

I agree with 1/2 year of fun with just you and your new hubby if he will go for that. It would be your first and important compromise in your young marriage.
But your age, 34, is right on the cusp of age 35 when chances are higher for a baby with birth defects or down syndrome. You should research what I just said, as it may be your defense you can show to your husband. Just don't do anything behind his back to get pregnant without his concent or your relationship will be forever changed and he will resent you and maybe even the baby. Don't walk on a wire without a net.

[Pyrofox]

Just ask him for baby names and where he wants to have a family and maybe he will start getting the idea that you got the major like need a baby now vibes. Also since your 34 you could also bring up the fact about your running close to the age where it could be complicated to have a baby you could tell him you. Would like to have a baby while you still can with him NOT anyone else with him.

And like then kiss him XD. Just go full like seductive mode before he can get a but in XD. Sometimes it just takes the full brunt force of what it was like at the start of the relationship to get a guy to realize what they have.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Pyrofox ,
That is called manipulation. That is such poor advice.

[Pyrofox]

@MysteriousDarkness my last relationship not even marriage lasted 15 years. Manipulation is bad when someone wants money or clout. If it's purely just cause love I see no issue.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Pyrofox
Manipulation under any circumstance is not okay.

[TheBootyChest]

You should find a compromise. But start by sharing why you want babies right away, and ask him why "1 year" is his target time frame. Maybe you guys can agree to wait 6 months instead. That way it's not a year of you waiting, and he still has time to do the things he wants.

What do you think about this? Let's talk more.

[Gloree]

Thanks. Nice idea. Will give it a try.

[TheBootyChest]

Has he said what kind of "fun" things he wants to do?

[Gloree]

Spending time together, travelling for vacations. Just us together before babies start coming. To my disagreement he was like "do you want to enjoy me?" I said "yes." Then he said "give us that year of love fun."

[Gloree]

#"love and fun"

[TheBootyChest]

So he doesn't expect you to enjoy him after that year?

[Gloree]

When I asked he said women somehow get married to the babies. He has seen it happen around him, hence his decision to enjoy the attention and companionship while it lasts.

[TheBootyChest]

Do you think you will do what he fears?

[Gloree]

I've told him I won't be like that but he is not convinced.

[TheBootyChest]

He doesn't sound like he is the kind of guy who will be happy to be married.

[Gloree]

But he craves the marriage thing. I've been the one on the delaying end till my mind finally got made up.

[TheBootyChest]

It just seems unusual. He wants to enjoy marriage for one year because he things "she" will be married to someone else after that year is up. Like the marriage isn't a team effort and she is solely focused on the baby and he doesn't exist anymore.

I mean I have heard it before too. But still.

[Gloree]

I get your point, although he is very committed. I deeply appreciate your contribution. thanks.

[TheBootyChest]

You're welcome. And I am here if you need someone to talk to.

[Gloree]

Thank you. thst is great to know.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Your friend and husband were infertile long before they found out. 1 year will not make a difference in your Fertility.

I have seen it happen too. I agree with him.

The only salvation I see is if you can get him to use condoms in the last months of the year so it is easy to reset the body. If you can avoid birth control completely, and use condoms... better... they say it doesn't cause infertility but I know that's a temporary lie... it may take time for the body to reset.

But remember, infertility won't change drastically in one year.

[mobiusforniner]

Having kids of my own and having started right after marriage... I agree with your boyfriend... wait. Kids are fun, but they SUCK the passion out of a relationship. Once kids are in the picture, life revolves around them. Your priorities are no longer each other.

Otherwise, if your idea of a beautiful marriage with your boyfriend means getting less than 5hrs total sleep a night for at least 4 years; dragging car seats through airplane isles, yelling at each other over screaming children, watching the same disney cartoon for weeks in a row; listening to the same songs in the car, eating nothing but KRAFT mac and cheese or McDonalds french fries; staying up late cleaning the house from marker stains on carpets, and food on floors; working longer hours to make up for the massive spending... then, well, I guess, go for it. LOL

[Nata2496]

It's not right to try and manipulate things, it shows a lack of trust and respect. But at the same time, at your age, waiting may not be wise. Try and talk to him explaining this, and consider his reasons. Have you had all your fun before marriage? How long have you been together, have you lived together? If it hasn't been long he may be making the point that you haven't had enough time just the two of you. If you have been together a long time then tell him you've already had a good time together and that now you want to take a step forward as a family.

[its_amelia_c]

Your plan is absolutely wrong. It’s deceitful and going to cause a huge rift between you!


No matter if you try now for a baby or you try later, if you can’t conceive you can’t conceive.


If that is your concern then see a doctor and both of you have the necessary test to see if that will be an issue or if waiting a year, two years etc. will be an issue.


You are getting married, you are in a union of two, it’s now about two people, not one. You cannot be selfish, you cannot think about your needs only. It’s about compromise, it’s about talking things through, understanding each other’s thoughts feelings and why each of you feel the way you do.


Then and only then can you make decisions, together as a team. One you both agree on.

[God_of_Thunder]

No offense, but that sounds like a powder keg just waiting to blow up in your face.

You're not even married, yet, and you're already disregarding each other's wishes, and you're making plans to trick/seduce him into getting your way? That sounds like a fast track to a short marriage, if you ask me. You both need to try and be more flexible if you're going to make this work.

I think your best bet is to communicate with each other, and compromise, lest this marriage is doomed before it even begins. He wants a year, and you want instant kids, so why not try and compromise? Try suggesting 6 months, instead, and see what he thinks.

If you're unwilling to try and compromise, for his sake, and he's unwilling to at least consider it, for your sake, then I would seriously question the wisdom of you two even getting married, at all. I wouldn't try to trick/seduce him into getting your way, either.

[Anonymous]

If you wanted a baby so badly then why'd you wait till 34 to have one? Babies should always be the too priority if you want kids. You know what I'd do if you did that to me? See you in court because I'd file for divorce. A relationship isn't all about you, it's a out compromise. If you can't compromise on kids then don't marry a guy who's not ready. And if you want kids as a woman you'd be better served popping your last by , 30-32. Another example or women thinking they can just juggle career and family. I loathed my mother for it. To this day we don't talk.

[KrisPW]

I think you need that year to figure out what it means to be married, and to enjoy each other before you change the dynamic drastically. 1 Yr is not an extreme ask. And you certainly shouldn't agree and then go behind his back with your scheme, that's just awful.

[sheikalana]

Why do you want to have babies immediately after getting married? I think having the first year for just the two of you is the best option. Me and my husband have been married for almost a year and we’re having the best time of our lives. We really want to have babies soon but the fact that we had the time to enjoy each other’s company and do everything we always wanted to made our relationship even stronger and we had so much fun. Once we have a baby we know moments like this won’t happen anytime soon. Think about it. If your partner is nit yet ready to have a baby I think is wrong of you to force him.

[Apulu_Imback]

From your update it seems like he fears to be ignored after the child. Just give him and the kids both equal attention. You should discuss it rather than making a silent plan because it says you don't respect his decisions and this is not how you make a strong foundation of relationship. But yes due to your age it is understandable. Just try your best to ensure him you won't change after being mother. That's the best option.

[AviatorTom]

You're 34, so waiting is not recommended, but he also has a good point. Why not compromise and wait 6 months for fun before trying to have children? Don't try to seduce him when you're fertile... he may never forgive you.

[exitseven]

I like that idea;

[Gloree]

Thanks.

[Losalt]

Honestly I'm with him on this one.
Once you're pregnant both of your lives will change essentially forever.
And it might indeed challenge the foundation nof your relationship.
Asking for a year together first really isn't that much to ask and won't make a huge difference either way.
If you're worried about running out of egg cells get some saved for later for artificial insemination, that way you can use your eggs more efficiently increasing your chances.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Christ, don't have kids with this guy if you're gonna try to rush him into it.

Also, don't think your fertility is like your friend's. Get tested - both of you - and talk to a fertility doctor if you're so impatient.

If you get the ok that you're likely to conceive after a year, consider it. But also talk to them about your dangers since pregnancy becomes much more dangerous for mother and child at and after 35yo.

But for fucksake don't rush your husband or lie to him, and don't let other people be your motivation for popping a living human into this Earth.

My sister in Christ, why would you betray your husband before you've even had a chance to have a child with him? Didn't you choose to date him? Don't you want him to be happy?

[exitseven]

When I got married we had babies right away. It was a big adjustment and we were not financially prepared for it. We had 3 kids in 3 years and 3 months so for a while it was one big wild ride. It took a lot of work but now that my kids are all grown up my wife and I are still relatively young and plan to have our fun now if covid ever goes away.

[eblehe]

He's not asking for a lot tho. It's totally understandable, he wants the marriage to be about you two for a year. That's a big difference in opinion and you should talk about that with him not GAG. Feel bad for the guy that you're here asking for tips to trick him into impregnating you.