My boyfriend wants a year of fun after marriage but I want a baby at once. How do I convince him to tow my line?

Question

We are discussing marriage. He said he wants a year of rest and fun as children can come between the fun. I don't want this at all. I want instant babies. This is what my friend and her husband did. They wanted fun and now that they are ready, they can't have children and had to adopt. I don't want to experience what they are going through. We've been arguing about it and it is getting serious. I have agreed to his decision but I have a silent plan to seduce him into getting me pregnant once we are married. (Any tips?) Will this be wrong or how do I convince him to tow my line?

crossdressingrihno · Accepted Answer

Deliberately planning a unwanted pregnancy is in my opinion almost bad as rape here's why

#1 your taking away a man's freedom because he's now he's stuck either paying child support or raising a kid he didn't even want (oh yeah and he WILL be bitter twords you and rightfully so)

#2 you brought a child into this world despite knowing this child would be stuck between a manipulative mother and bitter father (your manipulative because your baby scheme and the father will be bitter because you disrespected him and stole a part of his life away from him)

I know many will disagree with my assessment but the fact is you're not ruining one life here if you do this you're ruining too maybe even three

This action is almost guaranteed to lead to a divorce and depending on where you live a lawsuit as well
But then your husband is going to be stuck with a child and he won't even be married
And again you're going to have a child that might only be loved by one parent and even if the child is loved by both he still going to be stuck between two divorced parents who are going to be incredibly mad at each other because naturally even though it's your fault you'll still probably get mad and the reason I'd say it'd be your fault is because you literally concocted the scheme that would have destroyed your marriage

And it might even ruin your life too cuz now you're a single mother and depending on how you feel about that you might hate it a lot you might like it but you'll probably hate it and then only that but again you're going to lose out on a marriage and a long happy life because you were impatient which is one hell of a way to go

By this point you've already exposed yourself if I'm being honest this is conniving and manipulative you know it is you might not like to admit it most people don't like to admit when they do something bad but it's conniving and manipulative

If you legitimately love your husband and aren't just looking for a glorified sperm donor then your best bet is to either tell him what you're planning on doing and tell him that you realized it was bad and that you don't want to do it now and then don't do it or you keep your mouth shut but still don't do it

Look it's only a year right he just wants a year that's fine you can do fun stuff within a year you can even spend the time planning out everything before you have a child if you want to besides it's honestly irresponsible to get married and then immediately want to pop out a baby we're not in the 1800s here you have time and you don't exactly need an air to the throne anytime soon

KennethNoisewater · Accepted Answer

You should definitely follow his lead on this one. The only reason I say this is because you can have fun for a couple years and then have a kid. if you do your plan first, by the time the kid turns 18 (if you were to have the child in the next year) you will be 54 years old. It makes sense to have the fun while you got a few more years where that is appealing.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If you have agreed to his position but secretly have a plan to work around it, then that means you don't respect him and, as soon as he learns what you have done, he won't trust you. . . and why should he? Is this your idea of establishing a good foundation for a marriage?

Apple1996 · Answer

If your really 34 then you might want to consider having a baby now. Waiting longer is just gonna make things more difficult. Trust me took me a while to conceive my last baby and it was literal hell on earth. I don't recommend anyone ever waiting for the right time to have a baby cause there isn't ever a right time.
If it was me I'd tell him to give me a baby now or ill find someone else to do it. Maybe I'm just harsh but you gotta be that way if your serious about having a baby.

RobT312 · Answer

Haha well I’m with u.
im getting married this yr and want babies... I’m not getting any younger.
we delayed getting married due to Covid , so we had prolonged fun... I really have the urge to have a kid around!
you can still have your fun with kids... maybe compromise

sage2021 · Answer

I agree with 1/2 year of fun with just you and your new hubby if he will go for that. It would be your first and important compromise in your young marriage.
But your age, 34, is right on the cusp of age 35 when chances are higher for a baby with birth defects or down syndrome. You should research what I just said, as it may be your defense you can show to your husband. Just don't do anything behind his back to get pregnant without his concent or your relationship will be forever changed and he will resent you and maybe even the baby. Don't walk on a wire without a net.

Pyrofox · Answer

Just ask him for baby names and where he wants to have a family and maybe he will start getting the idea that you got the major like need a baby now vibes. Also since your 34 you could also bring up the fact about your running close to the age where it could be complicated to have a baby you could tell him you. Would like to have a baby while you still can with him NOT anyone else with him.

And like then kiss him XD. Just go full like seductive mode before he can get a but in XD. Sometimes it just takes the full brunt force of what it was like at the start of the relationship to get a guy to realize what they have.

TheBootyChest · Answer

You should find a compromise. But start by sharing why you want babies right away, and ask him why "1 year" is his target time frame. Maybe you guys can agree to wait 6 months instead. That way it's not a year of you waiting, and he still has time to do the things he wants.

What do you think about this? Let's talk more.

LovingLoverReturned · Answer

Your friend and husband were infertile long before they found out. 1 year will not make a difference in your Fertility.

I have seen it happen too. I agree with him.

The only salvation I see is if you can get him to use condoms in the last months of the year so it is easy to reset the body. If you can avoid birth control completely, and use condoms... better... they say it doesn't cause infertility but I know that's a temporary lie... it may take time for the body to reset.

But remember, infertility won't change drastically in one year.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Having kids of my own and having started right after marriage... I agree with your boyfriend... wait. Kids are fun, but they SUCK the passion out of a relationship. Once kids are in the picture, life revolves around them. Your priorities are no longer each other.

Otherwise, if your idea of a beautiful marriage with your boyfriend means getting less than 5hrs total sleep a night for at least 4 years; dragging car seats through airplane isles, yelling at each other over screaming children, watching the same disney cartoon for weeks in a row; listening to the same songs in the car, eating nothing but KRAFT mac and cheese or McDonalds french fries; staying up late cleaning the house from marker stains on carpets, and food on floors; working longer hours to make up for the massive spending... then, well, I guess, go for it. LOL

Nata2496 · Answer

It's not right to try and manipulate things, it shows a lack of trust and respect. But at the same time, at your age, waiting may not be wise. Try and talk to him explaining this, and consider his reasons. Have you had all your fun before marriage? How long have you been together, have you lived together? If it hasn't been long he may be making the point that you haven't had enough time just the two of you. If you have been together a long time then tell him you've already had a good time together and that now you want to take a step forward as a family.

its_amelia_c · Answer

Your plan is absolutely wrong. It’s deceitful and going to cause a huge rift between you!

No matter if you try now for a baby or you try later, if you can’t conceive you can’t conceive.

If that is your concern then see a doctor and both of you have the necessary test to see if that will be an issue or if waiting a year, two years etc. will be an issue.

You are getting married, you are in a union of two, it’s now about two people, not one. You cannot be selfish, you cannot think about your needs only. It’s about compromise, it’s about talking things through, understanding each other’s thoughts feelings and why each of you feel the way you do.

Then and only then can you make decisions, together as a team. One you both agree on.

God_of_Thunder · Answer

No offense, but that sounds like a powder keg just waiting to blow up in your face.

You're not even married, yet, and you're already disregarding each other's wishes, and you're making plans to trick/seduce him into getting your way? That sounds like a fast track to a short marriage, if you ask me. You both need to try and be more flexible if you're going to make this work.

I think your best bet is to communicate with each other, and compromise, lest this marriage is doomed before it even begins. He wants a year, and you want instant kids, so why not try and compromise? Try suggesting 6 months, instead, and see what he thinks.

If you're unwilling to try and compromise, for his sake, and he's unwilling to at least consider it, for your sake, then I would seriously question the wisdom of you two even getting married, at all. I wouldn't try to trick/seduce him into getting your way, either.

Anonymous · Answer

If you wanted a baby so badly then why'd you wait till 34 to have one? Babies should always be the too priority if you want kids. You know what I'd do if you did that to me? See you in court because I'd file for divorce. A relationship isn't all about you, it's a out compromise. If you can't compromise on kids then don't marry a guy who's not ready. And if you want kids as a woman you'd be better served popping your last by , 30-32. Another example or women thinking they can just juggle career and family. I loathed my mother for it. To this day we don't talk.

KrisPW · Answer

I think you need that year to figure out what it means to be married, and to enjoy each other before you change the dynamic drastically. 1 Yr is not an extreme ask. And you certainly shouldn't agree and then go behind his back with your scheme, that's just awful.

sheikalana · Answer

Why do you want to have babies immediately after getting married? I think having the first year for just the two of you is the best option. Me and my husband have been married for almost a year and we’re having the best time of our lives. We really want to have babies soon but the fact that we had the time to enjoy each other’s company and do everything we always wanted to made our relationship even stronger and we had so much fun. Once we have a baby we know moments like this won’t happen anytime soon. Think about it. If your partner is nit yet ready to have a baby I think is wrong of you to force him.

Apulu_Imback · Answer

From your update it seems like he fears to be ignored after the child. Just give him and the kids both equal attention. You should discuss it rather than making a silent plan because it says you don't respect his decisions and this is not how you make a strong foundation of relationship. But yes due to your age it is understandable. Just try your best to ensure him you won't change after being mother. That's the best option.

AviatorTom · Answer

You're 34, so waiting is not recommended, but he also has a good point. Why not compromise and wait 6 months for fun before trying to have children? Don't try to seduce him when you're fertile... he may never forgive you.

Losalt · Answer

Honestly I'm with him on this one.
Once you're pregnant both of your lives will change essentially forever.
And it might indeed challenge the foundation nof your relationship.
Asking for a year together first really isn't that much to ask and won't make a huge difference either way.
If you're worried about running out of egg cells get some saved for later for artificial insemination, that way you can use your eggs more efficiently increasing your chances.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Christ, don't have kids with this guy if you're gonna try to rush him into it.

Also, don't think your fertility is like your friend's. Get tested - both of you - and talk to a fertility doctor if you're so impatient.

If you get the ok that you're likely to conceive after a year, consider it. But also talk to them about your dangers since pregnancy becomes much more dangerous for mother and child at and after 35yo.

But for fucksake don't rush your husband or lie to him, and don't let other people be your motivation for popping a living human into this Earth.

My sister in Christ, why would you betray your husband before you've even had a chance to have a child with him? Didn't you choose to date him? Don't you want him to be happy?

exitseven · Answer

When I got married we had babies right away. It was a big adjustment and we were not financially prepared for it. We had 3 kids in 3 years and 3 months so for a while it was one big wild ride. It took a lot of work but now that my kids are all grown up my wife and I are still relatively young and plan to have our fun now if covid ever goes away.

eblehe · Answer

He's not asking for a lot tho. It's totally understandable, he wants the marriage to be about you two for a year. That's a big difference in opinion and you should talk about that with him not GAG. Feel bad for the guy that you're here asking for tips to trick him into impregnating you.

Desi22 · Answer

I believe it's better to wait that year. Otherwise you might end up in a situation where only you are taking care of the baby because your partner didn't consent to have it in the first place. I would see it as a problem if he said he doesn't want babies at all (then you're not the right people for each other) but I see nothing wrong with him wanting to wait a bit.

RationalMale · Answer

Your plan is a great way to end up a divorced single mom.

You want to go from relatively low stress dating, add the stressful change of marriage, and immediately add the enormous stress of a baby? You're going to be single again within 2 years.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Do you really want to start your marriage based on treachery?

You can go to the doctor and get health checkups to check if everything is in place.

Based on the result you both can make the decision.

When it comes to child birth you people don't allow men to have a choice be it giving birth or aborting and really that's not fair as a couple.

And if you somehow manipulate him and get preganent and he comes to know of the manipulation and resent the baby what would you do?

And if he feels so disgusted of being used and wants to leave would be open to be a single mother?

Daniela1982 · Answer

I think you should wait and see if the marriage will even last the first year. Also, don't have a kid unless you are financially able to. You may not be able to work after a baby is born, and sometimes not in the last couple months of pregnancy. You will have to learn to survive on just his salary. Financial problems are probably the most common marriage killer. Think and consider all options before you have a kid.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Yikes i’ve been there. We argued about it as well because he wanted a year or two of just us and after a waste of 2 years dating (with him claiming to propose thhe following month), he backed out altogether and i ended up single with no marriage nor kid. I still wouldn't change my mind. I know what i want and when i want it. He was the type who remained indecisive and couldnt keep his word. I dont wanna date that type again

Ghen30 · Answer

Although I've never wanted children, I can say that once you have them, you won't have the freedom to do whatever you want anymore. Plus, you'll have to take on another job, spend less time with your hubby and more time on your child. I think him suggesting a year of fun before kids is a great idea. Get used to your married life first, have fun. Do all the things you want to do before any bigger responsibilities.

shaysh87 · Answer

i would question having a baby with a man like that. he doesn't seem to care about you or your priorities. I think you're gonna be single again in a few years. You need a man who sees you as a priority. But I've seen many women successfully have children all the way up until 40.

Emiliamazing · Answer

Your first step might be to determine how fertile you are and how his sperm count is. My husband and I waited a while, but we did get married in our 20s. We did have to have some fertility assistance (both of us had issues) with our second child, but we were financially prepared and wouldn’t change a thing on our timing. You really should enjoy each other’s company and welcome children into a happy home.

Guy__ · Answer

It sounds scary, why would you get infertile just a year after marriage? Pay attention to your health, if you're so unhealthy that you're not sure whether you can get pregnant then your baby won't grow strong anyway.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

You can cuckold him. If you weigh under 130 lbs and willing to fly to me, id be glad to help.

Paul09 · Answer

Why? It's a 2 person life changing disicion. I dont get Breeders, why they must have kids, and right away. Why? Selfish reasons? Me, me, me? You are bringing life into this horrible world. Not buying a product at a store lol. You probably watch too many Disney movies lol

Anonymous · Answer

You can't and shouldn't want to (and won't be able to) convince him to tow the line. Don't get married if you cannot understand this basic thing.

Andres77 · Answer

I agree with him. And your intent to make him comply with your demands is an indicator of what a rotten choice of a partner you already are. I pity him and your kids already. He should run

HawkPerception · Answer

Why are you in a rush to have kids? You should enjoy your life with him without the responsibilities of kids while you can.

slatyb · Answer

Yes, that would be wrong. If you can't agree on this, perhaps you shouldn't marry. Are you sure he wants children?

Anonymous · Answer

Don't you dare trick him into getting you pregnant. That's disgusting. It's no different from a guy taking off his condom and cumming in her without her knowing.

One year is very reasonable and you should respect his wishes.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Once you have the kid, kiss fun goodbye!! Take it while you can get it! You've waited this long to pound out a unit, another year can't hurt..

WhitneySnow · Answer

Give his idea a chance. One year of fun won’t kill you. Then you can settle down and have kids.

JSmuve · Answer

Seems like you're making a case for why guys shouldn't marry women over 30 who want kids.

Anonymous · Answer

Just tell him you're getting past your baby making years and you don't have much time left to have kids before your eggs dry up

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Why would you even TALK of marriage when you are SO incompatible?

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

You two need to try to come to some form of compromise before you get married. If you don't your marriage will start off on the negative.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Try a compromise, and make it HALF a year?

StrawberryShake · Answer

Damn girl, you're lucky he at least wants kids at some point. Seriously what's the rush if you're both young? A year really is not that long... Just chill out.

joeldalton · Answer

your fiance is correct. Have some time as a couple before introducing children.

Iron_Man · Answer

Compromise check of vacation and you can get pregnant on the vacation problem sold then come back and deliver the baby nine months later

spartan55 · Answer

Wow, hopefully that guy will wise up and break off the engagement.

Juxtapose · Answer

Well.. he's right lol. It makes me wonder why he wants a kid at all?

Fion3il · Answer

Talk it out with him don't make him make you preggo

myabe123 · Answer

Why can't you just wait? You have your whole life to raise kids, plus teenagers are a handful.

OddBeMe · Answer

I wouldn’t do that. Why do you think 50% of marriages end in divorce? Forcing him to “tow the line” will just cause resentment even if you get what you want.

MrTaboo · Answer

So the marriage is all about you? Why don't you talk to him and find a compromise

itsalyssaagain · Answer

I don’t see the harm in waiting a year. You’ll still get your baby.

TheFlak38 · Answer

The post-wall 34 year old is still discussing marriage lol

dolemite89 · Answer

don’t force him to have an oops baby or he’ll resent u forever

Anonymous · Answer

You don't, it's his choice weather or not he gets you pregnant, his body his choice.

michol1 · Answer

You can start trying for a baby, you won’t get pregnant right away, and you can still do a lot of fun stuff far into the pregnancy except drink

Mick6529 · Answer

You sound very controlling, I hope he comes to his senses and ends the engagement before he's trapped

Felinegirl · Answer

Offer him 9 months of fun? :P

jimmy2 · Answer

Well let him do it that way you might be surprised on how fast you get pregnant

My boyfriend wants a year of fun after marriage but I want a baby at once. How do I convince him to tow my line?

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