See a therapist that has a speciality in men's issues.
It sounds like you're compartmentalizing, which is a very common strategy men do; however there is a right way to do it and a wrong way, a therapist can definitely guide and teach you (and your soon to be wife if she wants to sit in on a few sessions) how to communicate with each other effectively.
As lady about to become a wife, it took me by a huge surprise how he deals with his emotions. I felt how he handles it was 100% wrong and just so ass backwards, but it turns out we were both being intolerant of how different we are from each other. Men truly have different worries, fears, goals, etc that never crossed my mind as a woman or simply didn't seem like a big deal. So while I'm telling him the correct way to handle this and that, he may feel confused and a little irritated because how he handled it has been working for a majority of his life.
I'm not saying your lady is doing a bad thing, because her feelings are coming from a place a absolute love; what I'm saying is you two are at that stage where you have to learn and accept how different men and women think, behave, and perceive problems, emotions, and life in general with each other own twist as individuals.
It's good that you're looking to find a way to be more open about your emotions!
As someone who's had the same issue (though not as tuned up) here are a few things I did:
- Talked with my s/o at the time about emotional stuff to work on opening-up
- Worked on venting to friends and allowed them to vent to me in return for work on being able to accept other people's vulnerability
- Journaling!! I know people talk about it a lot but if it works for you, it's great
- Screaming into a pillow when you're alone!
- Dancing or singing along with a song! I know it sounds weird but it's a way of expression and just feel freer!
- 🌈 Complimenting my friends more often! When I was working on being more vulnerable, I wrote little letters to each of my close friends telling them what I liked about them and thanking them for being my friends. This one totally helped me the most and I still occasionally do it because I liked the emotional freedom it gave me and complimenting my friends makes me feel better about myself and the strength of my friendships.
I did a voice recording since I feel like the answer might help a bit more in voice:
https://voca.ro/1owDOatOEux1
Feelings? Are those the things the dentist puts in your mouth?
Opinion
5Opinion
What I find is that acknowledging their emotions is more effective then expressing your own.
It's great you two are communicating so openly and intentionally. That's a big step towards it.
I would encourage you to consider finding a psychologist. Emotional regulation is a life skill many of us have had to teach ourselves, and a therapist can help unpack some of the reasons and blocks you may have in being expressive.
If you have friends who are emotionally available and open, see if you can work up to being emotionally expressive with them.
You may also find roleplaying games like DnD or Blades in the Dark helpful. Sometimes "playing" a different person - a character - can help you get comfortable with expressiveness in a controlled and less risky environment.
Good on you for putting in this work! That's really great of you, and I'm sure your girlfriend will really appreciate being able to more easily connect with you and your emotions.
I don't really encourage staying in a negative emotional state all the time
BUT
However if you are suppressing those emotions in order to not come off as vulnerable or something... then that's a little unhealthy
Think of the thoughts and emotions you wish to convey... listen to music, watch a movie, read a book, make some art... that convey the same emotion you are trying to feel
Then close your eyes, feel that emotion and let that emotion tell you which thoughts it originated from...
Once the emotions formulate into proper thoughts you can express those thoughts to your girlfriends and she will feel the emotions behind the thoughts as well
All in all without sounding too angsty
As someone who hasn't much emotions, I've learned how to fake them as child already. I never exaggerate if I fake emotions and I think I'm good in it because most people close to me think I'm very kind.
Maybe you focus too much to find your emotions instead of copy emotions of you partner. They want mostly your emotional affirmation anyway.
I have trouble even telling them apart and identifying them, let alone express them. How to express something you have no idea what is?
I am clueless on that. I wish I could help but it would be like the blind leading the blind.
maybe try to break this habit of yours? a good way to start may be to write it all down in a letter to her. When i was undergoing trauma, this helped me a lot.
Wow. This is scary. I can see why your girlfriend will be worried
Maybe try counting for 3 seconds then remembers she’s someone you love
Possibly having more close conversations like this will bring it out naturally?
I've been there. I found it helpful for the person to ask more specific questions to get things started
As someone thats cursed with good expressions, I'll say this. Look into cognitive functions, and find the smallest and biggest circle. Weaken the big, strengthen the small.
Write them down?
I always say whatever is on my mind
Watch k-drama
