Boyfriend feels embarrassed/insecure, what do I do?

[Sophxoxo]

Occasionally my boyfriend falls asleep on the couch, so I sometimes pick him up and carry him to bed, he woke up whilst I was doing last time though. He freaked out a little bit and explained he didn’t like the fact he’d been “humiliated” (his words not mine) by someone so much smaller than him in frame. I’ve done this before, but I guess he wasn’t aware of it. It just doesn’t make sense to me since I’ve never done it with anyone else around and I don’t get why he’s so embarrassed, and I thought what I was doing was good for him since he often falls off the couch when he sleeps on it. I’ve tried to ask him to elaborate but he’s not very good at talking about his feelings, and I don’t want to press. I can tell it’s still weighing on his mind. How should I address it with him so it can be relieved from his mind?

Updates

1 y

I should note, I promised I wouldn’t do it anymore, as I can see it made him feel uncomfortable, yet he still feels affected by it.

[Lionman95]

Maybe think of stop carrying him to the bed but instead give him a blanket when you see him lying on the couch because to be honest there is close to no way that would make you carrying him to the bed look good or make him comfortable in a way.
There are two reasons for that:
1. The outer-perspective: Like you being stronger than him makes him look physical weak, it could lead to people be disrespectful to him because they don´t take him seriously because he´s weakener than you. Though society is changing it´s still looking bad if a guy is weakener than his woman.
2. The inner-perspective: Because of the fact that guys are on regular basis physically stronger than women, many of us guys prefer the role of a provider and protecter in a relationship. You carrying him around with not much effort completely destroys that. That way he questions himself and his role in the relationship because the "usual" way would be a guy carrying a woman.
It may make him feel belittled or bemothered by you because he thinks to himself that he´s no man but a boy to you.
I´d rather recommend to rather let him sleep on the couch, give him a blanket and a pillow instead because that´s nothing that could be talked about probably because it´s connected to a fundamental fear that you could have lost respect for him and see him as a little brother.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Omfg that's so cute.

Sounds like your boyfriend has a sore spot that his girlfriend is strong enough to bridal carry him. Personally, I think that's amazing, and none of my previous partners have ever done anything like that.

Most men have a (in my opinion kinda silly) inferiority complex if their girlfriends are strong physically. He's probably trying to process the fact his girlfriend is strong enough to pick him up. And it's triggering something in him he's probably not fully conscious of - not necessarily in a bad way, but he's probably never thought of himself as "light enough to be lifted".

It concerns me he has trouble talking about his feelings with you. Partners should be able to talk about this sort of thing, and it isn't something many people can learn while in a relationship and still preserve that relationship. It takes lots of effort and work on his part, and if he's avoidant it will only get worse.

Consider talking to a couple's therapist and having him go to solo therapy regulalry until he's better able to express himself. Clear communication is vital for a healthy and happy relationship.

A couples therapist could also help you two better understand what's making him so uncomfortable.

This all said, it is a bit jarring as an adult to wake up in a different place than you started sleeping. So maybe he just isn't comfy with that idea and would rather be left on the couch.

Either way, it's a good idea for him to seek the help he needs to be better able to handle and communicate about his feelings. That's a lifeskill every adult needs.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what you can say really. If a woman I was dating could pick me up I'd be impressed. I think he's overreacting. But I wouldn't tell him that because it'd probably make him more mad. I just wouldn't do it again. Sleeping on a couch isn't going to kill him.

[Anonymous]

wow you really messed up you really fucked up his ego and masculinity. guys are suppose to be the stronger of the two sexes and the provider and supporter and care and provide protection to the woman and by you lifting him up made him feel weaker and inferior to you. you just crushed and destroyed his manhood

[Opinion Owner]

and the fact you want him to talk about his feelings makes it even worse. you're acting like he's a woman when guys don't talk about their feelings especially after what you did to him picking him up making him feel inferior and weaker then him it's humiliating to him which is why he doesn't want to talk about it

[Sophxoxo]

It’s not inherently “manly” for him to hide his feelings from me, a healthy couple needs to communicate in order to function properly.

[caring__1]

This is something that's done with children, not adults. He probably doesn't want to be treated as a child. Just nudge him and say "Time for bed."

[boggboss]

By not doing it again lol and letting him know u won't

[Sophxoxo]

I told him that, hasn’t made him feel any better strangely.

[TacosRAwesome]

Don't pick him up and carry him. Try waking him up. If that doesn't work, leave him where he is.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Communicating is the best thing to do, to solve this matter between you too

[007kingifrit]

well just don't do it anymore, he probably doesn't like that a girl can pick him up, he must be a little guy

[baserunner611]

Wrong, something is wrong if you take care of him. He doesn't like

[Sorbay]

I dream of giant women taking control of me some guys have all the luck

[Anonymous]

Sorry not sorry. Tell your boyfriend to locate his balls and not to lose them.
You did nothing wrong. It's cute if anything. He has issues.

[Ironmunkee]

This is absolutely adorable, lmao.

[jimmy2]

Shoot leave him on the couch

[Bigjake1019]

Because you can pick him up

[Wise4myage]

You pick him up?