The girl best friend doesn't like me. How do I stop her from ruining a possible relationship?

[Anonymous]

The title sounds bad, I know. But please hear me out.

This guy is my best friends brother. I really like him and everyone around us (including my best friend) are very supportive and thinks he likes me back. But I don't think his friend (a girl) is. (They also dated for like 3 weeks when they were 16 but that was around 3 years ago now. They have also known eachother longer than I have)

I'm not a jealous person, and I don't even know her but I know she has it in for the girlfriends of her friends. For example, another close mutual friend of the boy I like and her recently has a new girlfriend. I've met her once, and she seems really nice. But the girl best friend according to the boy I like and his mum she spoke horribly about the girlfriend and mutal friend. I'm really worried that this will happen to me. And this might be me overthinking, but when I looked on her fb and insta page a little while ago (not out of spite, curiosity) she no pictures of the boy I like or the other boy with the girlfriend she spoke horribly about. And when she did, she posted them with a private audiance on facebook.

Just a few weeks ago, she posted lots of them with captions like "happy bday _ I love you ❤❤"
I don't want to fight her, and the people I have spoken to say she's not a threat. I don't want to think of her as a threat. I'm worried she'll damage the possible relationship me and this boy can have. He's been a great friend to me of 4 or five years. And now we're getting older, it's getting a bit petty thinking of fighting over him. Is there anything I can do to calm my nerves or preventing this from happening?

[Anonymous]

You have to work on shifting your mentality, because it’s up to him to not let her ruin a possibly good thing, not her. You probably haven’t been in a relationship where there’s a problematic girl best friend involved, but coming from someone who has, this may not be the sort of relationship you wanna sign up for dealing with. Already you are worried about her position in his life and how much influence she has or could have, when you and him haven’t gotten together or even really started. How do you think their friendship is going to affect you while you’re actually in a relationship, should it even get there? You should be able to approach that situation confident and comfortable, but clearly there is a closeness between them that is troublesome to you, and if it is now then it will be later. Because 9/10 he wouldn’t drop her unless you push for that and you don’t wanna be a dictator over his life. Circling back to what I initially said about it being up to him — it’s him who’ll need to set some healthy boundaries with her (I. E shifting their interactions to reflecting him being in a relationship now vs single before).

[Asker]

Thank you so much. I know its up to him, and I know for a fact that he wouldn't go back with her, she has done so many problematic and hurtful things to their friendship group and to his mum. But unfortunately like you said he probably won't drop her unless I push for it. I know that he wouldn't stand for her talking bad about me but he'd let her talk bad about him, which will be effecting us. Thank you for replying, I'll definitely take your words into consideration and I'll screenshot it to remind me in the future :)

[Opinion Owner]

It’s less about them getting back together and more about just the impact she has over his choices. The hope is that he thinks and acts on his own without letting her get into his head with drama or influence his decision making. If she has that position in his life then honestly you are better off without him, because a proper boyfriend would never let her opinions influence such important personal ones. However if she’s not very involved with him, or isn’t being negative (unwarranted of course) about you then that is far more comfortable. Also no worries! Glad I can help a bit.

[Asker]

Yeah, I completely agree. But I am lucky that she's moved down south so they don't see eachother as much. That sounds terrible, I know. Thank you so much though, I really appreciate it :)

[Opinion Owner]

Doesn’t sound terrible at all lol and no worries, good luck with that🙏

[Pyrofox]

I mean just ask him out and if he says yes then commit right then and there. Nothing better than beating someone to the punch.

[Asker]

I'm getting there :)

[Pyrofox]

Ya got only one shot lol take it XD. LOL better than regretting it later.

[JohnK123]

I didn’t know Facebook had a private section…
also that sucks I would just tell him the truth how you feel

[Asker]

Yeah, with the posts you can let only specific people see them. I would speak to him. But we aren't really in a committed relationship yet. Maybe if we were together for 6 months or whatever, but I can't really do it now. Thanks tho :)

[JohnK123]

Oh ya that’s similar to Instagram then. Anyways oh I see well then u can’t really do that sorry

[JohnK123]

Thanks for mho

[Anonymous]

I guess explain your concerns with your boy. If he's serious about you, he'll perhaps bear it in mind.

[Guy13]

Is sounds not good to me

[In_Trance]

Talk to him directly