What Can I Do To Stop Feeling Like A Burden In My Relationship?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 9 months, and we've had our ups and downs. However, I always have a constant feeling that he is going to hurt me, or do something that will ruin the relationship. I've mentioned to him that if we ever decided to leave each other, that I wouldn't look for anyone else. He is my last try at love. I feel like with everything that has happened to me in the past, has shaped me to become an unbearable person. My constant mood swings, and paranoia, i don't think ill ever fully love him like I want too. I believe this will hurt the relationship in the future because of me. Any opinions or suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking your time to read my question <3

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel, I also get very insecure in a relationship to the point I end up just sabotaging it out of fear of getting hurt. I’m currently still working on it but what I learned is that you need to take charge against your overthinking or paranoia.

When that happens, you can just write down whatever it is that you’re scared of then lists some evidence that support it and also evidence against it. Hope it helps!

[Anonymous]

If he makes you feel insecure i am sorry to say maybe he is not the one for you... sometimes you have to just let things flow

[Asker]

Thanks for the comment. He hasn't done anything to make me feel insecure. However, I was stating past situations (not including him) has shaped me to have that sort of mindset.

[Opinion Owner]

Don't let past ruin your future...

[Asker]

I will try and not allow my past situations dictate my present one.

[Weldpro]

I guess this can be normal, there is a point in the relationship where things stand still or things explode into a fight... It's the make it or break it point... If it breaks I'm sure someone will come by and show you how to spread your wings. But communication is the biggest thing. Guys like a calm conversation, we don't like to be blamed for something we didn't know we were doing.

[Asker]

Thank you for your comment. I do tend to have a hard time communicating how I'm feeling, and keep things to myself. However, I will be more open with him.

[Weldpro]

Communication is the number 1 thing I'm worst at... Haven't flirted in 8 years and had sex in 3... I kinda got scared of those two things since it's been so long

[Asker]

That's understandable. I've only been in three relationships my whole life, two of which I regret heavily. However, I do believe that relationships can take a heavy toll on you. So, don't beat yourself up because your not really out there like you want to be.

[Anonymous]

You constantly bothering him about the related ending is probably going to start pissing him off and he's going to leave because he won't be able to take your negative attitude. Stop being a pussy and believe in yourself and your relationship. You're trying not to fail instead of trying to succeed.

[Asker]

Thank you for the comment. I will try to have a more positive mindset.

[JazzGirl27]

You will get over it. Sounds like you just need to work on your mind. Change the narrative you keep telling yourself

[Asker]

Thanks for your comment. Yes, I’m realizing that I tend to hold on to negative ideas for far too long.

[Texasgal95]

Talk with him

[Asker]

Thanks for your comment. I’m going to work on being more communicative with my problems.

[Texasgal95]

It’s hard sometimes but things won’t change if you don’t talk to him. He might think everything is good. I don’t like confrontation but I’m learning how to deal with it cause you can’t always avoid it

[Danny_dan92]

Break up

[Asker]

Is it really that bad? By the way, thank you for the comment.

[Danny_dan92]

In my experience when I felt this way in a relationship or if my ex’s felt this way, it was only a matter of time before the relationship ended.

[Asker]

Oh, Im sorry to hear that. I will keep this in mind.

[Danny_dan92]

What’s done is done.