I miss being happy. all I am these days is depressed and I hate it?

[Anonymous]

hey everyone. im 30 years old and i’m nowhere i want to be in my life. i barely do anything with my life bc all i do is overthink everything. i don’t hangout with my friends anymore, i dont do anything fun anymore, i don’t work full time anymore. i use to be fun and a really nice person to be around. now i’m not so much. i let peoples perspective about me ruin my day and mood. my current boyfriend likes girls bikini and booty pictures all the time and it makes me so sad. it makes me feel like i’m not sexy enough or pretty enough for him bc he’s liking all these pictures. i’m also very insecure with myself and it’s getting to me real bad. when my boyfriend is drunk and we argue he says some horrible shit that stays with me and i can’t stop thinking about it. for example, he has told me that he likes girls pictures bc our sex life sucks and he once told me that i’m not sexy enough for him. i later on asked him if those things were true and he says no and he apologizes for what he said but i can’t stop thinking about it. and i’m just really sad about the way things are.

[Losalt]

Hum.
I live in Norway.
In some parts of Norway we have midnight sun in the summer and polar night in the winter.
Look up those words on YouTube, there's a beautiful video about how to live with midnight sun and polar night made by a swedish girl there.
Anyway, when it comes to your depression remember that even if it might feel like nothing is good and life never will improve right now for you, just like it feels like that polar night will never end, the spring *does* arrive eventually.
In the meantime just try to enjoy the little bits of light there is.
The northern lights, the light festivals we create ourselves to make the winter bearable, etc.
And try to manage day by day, one step at a time.
Write down the good moments to remember them.
And things *will* get better.

As for what your boyfriend is saying...
Remember that how you feels matters.
When you're happy and smile with smiles that reach your eyes you look better, most girls do.
When you are enjoyable to spend time with your boyfriend will enjoy spending time with you and will love you more, and that in turn will make you more beautiful to him.
And the sex better for both of you (there's also techniques you can learn to improve things).
But yeah, your sex life will get better as you feel better.
And you *will* feel better.

And yeah, you're probably overthinking things.
Looking for and finding patterns that's just not there.
That's just human nature.
That's why it looks like houses with two windows on the second floor and a door has a face with two eyes.
And why people with insecurities look at themselves in the mirror and it keeps looking worse and worse and worse despite them not changing at all physically.
You have to *learn* to sense the world, to see, hear, feel etc.
The actual *signals* that the brain receive is just chaos and you have to learn to experience that as anything more just like you have to learn to bike or read or drive a car.
And sometimes you do it wrong.

[NamerOfStars]

Well, that sucks. Have you thought about how you might improve things? It probably seems like an overwhelming task, but if you sit down and try to come up with a list of a few small things you can do to make life more bearable- not great sweeping changes, but just some tweaks to make things more enjoyable- you'd probably find some. Life usually doesn't awful all at once, but by gradual incremental changes; it can get better that way, too.

[Rania05]

Cheer up, miss.
Things do get better when you look at the mirror and encourage yourselve externally even if you feel nervous and insecure. Repeat it 'I'm not a failure, I'm beautiful, smart and kind, I deserve better in everything and I'll keep working for this 'better' and I'm going to kick the a** of anyone who'd disagree.'

[Anonymous]

Something is eating at your confidence and self image. Could be your boyfriend. Could be something else. Doesn't sound like he's helping anyway. You get to choose what you full your life with.

[samet7777]

try to workouts at gym

[h3ll02u]

ditto, girl