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My boyfriend (28) cannot stop lying to me (22). We have been together nearly 2 years, and I love him dearly. What should I do? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(18-24) 
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Based on what's in your post, you're not upset because he lies... you're upset because of his sexual past... that he's embarrassed about so he lies about it. Try to learn to put that behind you (he can't change the past) and maybe he'll lie less. If you really care for him (you say you do), stop talking about his past and talk only about the present and the future. You'll both be better off for that.
You are literally me 8 years ago ! He's providing for you and that itself will make you think you need him and won't survive alone without him.. if he's a serial lier hun you've got an issue.. I can't tell you what you should do but I can tell you it won't get better or change any time soon I stayed for nearly 9 years !! Boy do I regret it! Please don't be me ! Life's to short... I get it tho honestly I had an abusive family also I ran to the first one that promised me the world and more...
Wow this answer really moved me. In my head I keep going back and forth about whether leaving was the right decision and since I have no family or good females in my life I really don't know who to turn to to make sense of my thoughts. Would it be alright if I messaged you privately?
Yes ! I'm in the same boat.. isolated with no family ! But if its a choice between being isolated and alone and being the same but with abuse on top I'd rather be totally alone xx
Just sent you a follow request!
OK one sec hun x
I haven't got a request hun xand I can't request you as your anonymous x
Trust is really big in a relationship. Like really big. I can’t be in a relationship with someone I don’t trust otherwise it will eat me alive. That’s all I’m gonna say. What you do is up to you there’s no right or wrong answer. Your should follow your gut.
Nobody's perfect as you said and there are no perfect relationships but damn lying over and over again about the same topic I would loose my mind too. You both could try couples therapy as well and you should not depend on anyone. Staying with someone just because they provide for everything isn't the best option.
from one abusive household to the next. stop thinking that people treating you like this is normal because it's NOT. stop allowing this behavior, from everyone. your family and your now ex. this is not okay. stop all contact with him, get yourself tested for any std's (you never know), and go to therapy yourself and start healing.
leave. love is good and all but without trust, you can't have a good relationship. i don't know how long you wanna wait to be sure he won't stop lying. i think 2 years is already too much. generally good advice in my opinion: take yourpartner for what they are. never expect change. if they are not who you want them to be today, they're never gonna be.
This is why women should always work and have their own money. It comes in handy when you are in a relationship/marriage and when you’re not. Lying is not a good sign for the future of a relationship. You need to look into him getting help. I’m sorry you were abused by your family. If he isn’t willing to change, pick yourself up, get a job and your own place. And find a man who won’t lie and make you needlessly sad. That’s awful.
You should build some independence. Display that if he doesn't change his behaviors you will leave because you do not need him to provide. Either he won't change and you'll have set yourself up for independence and can grow and deal with that hurt in the short term or he'll see that you have an out and will be more forthwith and not lie out of fear of losing you. Honestly tho the latter is less likely
Why you put yourself through this crap? Leave him. How many times he need to hurt you?
„My dear, when people show you who they are, why don't you believe them? Why must you be shown 29 times before you can see who they really are? Why can't you get it the first time?“ Oprah Winfrey
RUN DONT SLOW DOWN DO NOT PASS GO OR COLLECT 200 DOLLARS. PACK YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT... WAIT REWORDING THAT PACK YOUR THINGS AND LEAVE THE PIECE OF SHIT SITTING. SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE THANK GOODNESS I LEFT. SHE DID THERAPY AND ALL OF THAT BUT THE DUDE SHE ENDED UP WITH WENT THROUGH HELL WITH HER LIES. RUN SND STOP BACK IN A YEAR AND THANK MY FOR THE ADVIVE. GOOD LUCK
Are we having the same ex? My ex been lying to me about the reason of him being in jails or the last time he has seen prostitute or smoke or drink habits!!! The only things to deal with this is find someone better
Wow that is a really similar story. I guess that it is the best solution, but it really hurts to have to leave someone that you love despite their flaws. Maybe they are used to lying all their life to defend themselves
@Darine123 Jail? Why would you date someone who went to jail unless there's an exception?
I didn’t know he’s in house arrest till I talked to him for a while then he decided to tell me he’s in house arrest cuz he got it house arrest but he actually got in house arrest cuz he stalked one girl for over 10 years so she scared that he will hurt her so he’s in jails
@Darine123 ...
I'm going to be honest - he seems like a major douche canoe. You should try to destroy that relationship and move on. Only better things could come to you. Lying, honesty rather, affects so many things and really I think is groundwork to a relationship. I'm sorry for the fact you are stuck in that rut
Run away. This will only continue. You're only torturing yourself that way. Don't go back to your family. But don't stay with him.
My question is why pry into things before you were together? Sounds like self sabotage, to me... Everyone has skeletons in their closet. If you're looking for someone without them, I got bad news... You're going to be very disappointed and lonely.
Girl, get tf out
It's only gonna get worse if you keep going. Two years if enough already, but if you don't leave, two will turn into three, then four, then ten, thirty, etc. You get the point.
Uh question y are u still with him, it's clearly taking a lot out of u, just let him go, it'll hurt but u'll get better eventually with time.
what is a relationship if there isn’t trust “ other than you can trust him to lie”.
it’s a horrible foundation. and no difference than your abusive family. constant gas lighting is emotional abuse
You should get therapy too, and make plans to be self-supporting.
Has he lied to you about anything he has done since you met him?
Well to my knowledge he hasn't been unfaithful, but has basically lied about everything in his past. He did also lie by omission about sharing a room with the female colleague and of course the person who he tried to get with whilst we were involved - but he maintains he never met her.
Those are dumb lies and a reasonable person would usually conclude that these are not the only ones. You have to decide whether he has damaged your trust to the extent that you can't trust him because if you can't, you can't be in a relationship with you.
You're completely right. If someone has lied about things so stupid what else could they be hiding? I'm definitely going to take your advice into account
Either drop him like a bad habit (OBVIOUSLY, he can't be trusted!!) or every time he lies to you, WHACK his pee-pee!!