I lied on my boyfriend and said that he was emotionally and physically abusive and now he wants nothing to do with me?

[Anonymous]

It isn't as bad as lying about rape but I know it was still wrong. I feel terrible about it but I have just been going through things and I guess I was craving sympathy and attention. I did come clean but he's still upset and said that some people still think I was being truthful and that I only took it back out of fear. He wants nothing to do with me. He's a good guy and I want him to be in my life even if its just as a friend. Do you think we could heal from this and that he will someday forgive me? Any idea on how to make it up to him?

[D_Bone_Steak]

No fixing it... you effectively destroyed that relationship. I've had that sort of manipulation done to me and it is literally on the same level as cheating. Just for sympathy and attention huh? Healing from it and forgiving you is one thing, but you've exposed that you're the worst of the worst and I don't think that will ever be forgotten.

I would suggest you cut your losses and learn your lesson from these actions. Every person that knows will never trust you or want to be alone with you... so new relationships is your best bet, and don't shit on those relationships for sympathy and attention.

[Phoenix98]

As someone who’s has had to deal with actual abuse related incidents in the past and legitimate victims of real physical and emotional abuse what you did was pretty sickening.

i don’t think you understand the damage you’re caused or that what you did to him can’t be erased. Even though you came clean people are always gonna few him an a emotional and physical abuser if not outright then in the back of their minds. And that can affect him negatively in a lot of ways. People have actually been beaten half to death, killed and committed suicide over false allegations like this.

he's got every right to walk away and never turn back.

if you want my advice do everything you can to clear his name and keep your distance from him if you wanna help him then that’s what’s best for him.

[ChicanaChick]

I can be outspoken and too direct sometimes (ex: if someone asked me if they're a bit overweight, I'm honest and will say what it is... if you didn't like the answer then don't ask) but you make me look like a saint in comparing to what you just did.

You can literally ruin a man's life by making a false allegation like that. This is part of the reason why dating has suddenly become difficult for the genders. If a girl ever did that to my brother and start believing he was a woman beater, I would personally search for her and we would be going rounds.

Just leave him alone and consider the relationship dead. He doesn't even want someone like that as a friend either. Lastly, seek therapy.

[LazerBean]

Last year in the next town over, some little bitch did exactly this and her crackhead mom and brother killed the guy. He just graduated highschool. I hope what you did gets out and I hope your community shuns you for it.

[ChicanaChick]

Wow that's so sad. If that were to happen to my brother because of some bitch lying about being abused or raped... I'm not a violent person but I would want to beat the hell out of that bitch. I would do that for my brother.

[LazerBean]

Absolutely, there should be a federal registry and punishment for people who falsely accuse others of rape.

[HighValue]

What you did is more common that many people realize. That is one of the reasons men don't trust women. And by "common," I mean I have experienced it multiple times (worse though), and so have multiple men that I have personally known IRL.

[ChicanaChick]

What the OP did also ruins it for the rest of us too to the point the dating market and relationships disintegrates. Then as a result some of us decide to take a break from dating and do some solo traveling.

[ChicanaChick]

Hopefully things between the genders get better when I come back from my travels.

[FilmGuy93]

You make a public statement to everyone who heard your lies saying that you lied and then you leave the ball in your ex's court for him to do with it what he pleases. You didn't accuse him of rape, but you got damn close.

Having been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment from my ex girlfriend, I can tell you that I would need a SERIOUS heart-felt appology before I would even remotely consider having someone like you in my life ever again.

[Anonymous]

You have seriously damaged his reputation and likely permanently altered his choices in life. I have no respect or sympathy for women who do what you did. Women who falsely accuse men of abuse are every bit as bad as men who actually abuse women, and they should suffer the same consequences.

[Staximus]

That's character assassination and it's actually illegal. It's called defamation of character, slander, libel, or something like that. It's one of the worst things you can do to somebody. He will never trust you again and he shouldn't. You've made your bed and now you have to lay in it. Learn from your mistakes and the next time you decide to be a piece of shit, try being a good person instead. Go see a psychologist.

[Staximus]

He can actually sue you for this in court

[Staximus]

You just hung a good guy out to dry, you must want a piece of shit guy instead. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

"it wasn't as bad as lying about rape"... People don't take men beating women lightly. It doesn't seem like you fully understand how much damage can come from a lie.

How could you expect him to trust you after that? Leave the poor guy alone.

[Asker]

I do understand and I never said men beating women is taken lightly. Your twisting my words. I know what I did was wrong and I want to make it to him

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not twisting your words. You're trying to downplay what you did and make it seem as if it wasn't a big deal.

"it isn't AS bad"...

You don't get to decide that for him. He was falsely accused of something horrible and betrayed by someone he thought that he could trust. He's allowed to feel everything that he's feeling.

You said that people still believe that he was abusive, and you seem to care more about him taking you back than you do about clearing his name.

[Asker]

I do care about clearing his name but I can't make people believe him. I never said he can't be upset I just asked for advice and already said I was wrong. I asked for advice and instead I'm being attacked. I get that your a guy and so of course you feel strongly about this but you don't need to talk to me like I'm a child and put words in my mouth

[Opinion Owner]

... Right. You're somehow the victim in all of this.

[Shamalien]

You’d better make a public announcement that you lied and make sure everyone knows the guy is good. Honestly your behaviour is wack because it can ruin a man’s life.

clear his name

[Asker]

I did that I told the truth. It isn't my fault that they don't believe me. I don't know what else to do

[Shamalien]

Make them believe you

[Asker]

How?

[Shamalien]

If you want it bad enough you’ll find a way

[notyour_baby]

it IS your fault they don’t believe you! you can’t lie on someone, and then take it back and expect people to believe you? that’s so wild lmao

[bean2k21]

[slatyb]

"I want him to be in my life" -- That's over. You are completely untrustworthy.

[Gangactivities911]

I’d rather a girl beat me up than spread lies like that. If he has a professional life he could lose his job over this sort of thing. U don’t seem to understand how serious this is.

[Light909090]

Be submissive as humanly possible he will Forgive you

[Light909090]

You just gotta Have Faith

[Anonymous]

I can only hope the shame you feel hurts as deeply and lasts as long as the pain you have caused him will.

[Apologies456]

That’s gonna be pretty hard to heal from. You saying that in todays day and age is the equivalent of calling him a rapist. Doing that can really tarnish a guys image.

[MikeInHawaii]

He would be an absolute moron to get back with you. Actions have consequences.

[es20490446e]

If I was the guy I will most likely not return, as there's proof I can't really trust you.

[Dingsbums]

Lol no sounds fucked up. Just don’t do it again ur next relationship

[Anonymous]

Broken trust is something someone can’t heal from.

[Anonymous]

Nope you blew it. He may forgive you in the future but the damage is done and permanent

[JohnK123]

Lmao good on him