Is it time to split up, if so how?

[notsosimplelife3030]

Me (M20) and my girlfriend (F19) have been together now for a little over 4 years. We are high school sweethearts and the first serious relationship for the both of us. Her family loves me and mine likes her. We have had our highs/lows like any relationship, but I have done some trust breaking things that have definitely hurt the relationship overall (no cheating, but lying about drug use and social media accounts). I have been clean on drugs since and I am transparent when it comes to social media use.

We both love and care for each other, that is apparent, but the past couple years I feel there has been a lack of intimacy and will to keep going from my partner. It has slowly gotten worse over time to where I feel like I need to reach out like this for opinions. It is tough to have a girlfriend who doesn't want sexual intimacy or even want to kiss you most the time. My girlfriend doesn't handle stress of serious situations well, being in college with the workload she has in her degree has really taken a toll on her mental state and drive, which I am sure is part of the reason for why she gives me such a cold shoulder these days. I have tried to talk to her about my concerns but she'll get defensive and angry asking why I do not just break up with her then.

I love her and if things could get to how they used to be I'd feel better. But if things don't get better I don't know, people been asking about us and marriage but the more I'm with her I don't know if we could last forever, we have different views on how to raise a family along with different religious beliefs that would make marriage difficult. I don't wanna break up but we are both still young and if it won't last like I fear I do not want to waste our time. In the same breath if we break up I do not want to end it all, we still get along great as friends, could downgrading our relationship to boyfriend/girlfriend to friends even work? I just want the girl I knew back, the one where I felt the love.

[watercolor_lions]

I'll give my opinion as a married adult who tried my hardest in every failing relationship I was in, until I found the one.

A marriage is a complex thing: it is the most selfless/selfish decision you'll ever make.

Selfless because you want to find someone you'd be willing to give up your life for.

Selfish, because you want them to EQUALLY give up their life for you (I'm talking quadriplegic kind of love).

Everyone may be curious as to whether you're getting married or not, but there really is no "time limit" on when you two have to get married. I'd just say, "We'll see. We're still young and have a lot of life to live", and let it go. It really isn't anybody's business but yours. If she has an issue with it, it might be a good time to talk about where your relationship is going.

It sounds like dealing with stress is not her strong suit: this is who she is, and how she always will be. So anytime you two encounter stress, you'll have to be able and handle both her and the stress (marriage counseling helps).

Is this stressor worth your entire relationship? Are there other stressors that add-on and make the balance tip? Is she insecure? Does she have passive aggressive behaviors? Is she worth the stress she's adding to your life?

You can date through her college years and decide to get married after you're sure you can handle it. Marriage doesn't have to be tomorrow. But you don't also have to throw her away. Unless you're truly unhappy and think it isn't worth it anymore. Be honest and think both short and long term.

Hope some of this helps.

[SueShe]

Drug issues are most of the time a deal breaker and I am honestly surprised that your girlfriend is still with you. But this is besides the entire problem as you describe it.

The essence of a relation is in communication and if communication fails or is not present, relations end sooner or later.

Since talking to your girlfriend does not bring the expected results, I would recommend that you prepare a list of issues that you see within your relation and to each issue, you bring up a solution to the problem. Ask your girlfriend to do a similar list, independent from yours. Thereafter, you sit together and go over both lists trying to find a consensus that is acceptable to both parties. The important thing is not to be angry or accusing because that would not only falsify the outcome but make things only worse. Good luck.

[Guy13]

If Christian:equally yoked number one. Drugs and Intimacy issues do not make it easier as you do not know who/what you are dealing with until Clean. There’s a whole Personality that reveal itself when clean. Many mask with drugs. I knew a guy, high positioned, who worked Trump US Open course smoked weed to keep his Bipolar in check…so he could work.

Lots on your plate‼️

[Avicenna]

try to fix things first. I think you might be able to

[Iron_Man]

It’s been a long time don’t give up take it to family counseling