Why my boyfriend doesn't want a space after argument?

[Anonymous]

Everytime we had argument I asked him to not talking for 2 weeks because I was so upset but he doesn't want to, he said "we will miss each other" but I don't wanna fight with him

[caring__1]

You may not want the fight to continue, while he may want reassurance you'll continue to be in his life. Both of your wants are legitimate. The object is to be considerate of the other and not just insist on what works for you.

It's amazing how many people claim they don't like arguing, yet they assume they already possess all the communication knowledge they'll ever need. If you don't educate yourself, you'll spend the rest of your life reliving the same pattern... Groundhog Day all over again. Communication isn't difficult if you know what you're doing. Find a therapist who specializes in communication and then learn how to communicate effectively. It is impossible to communicate and argue at the same time. It's your choice which path you choose to take. Just wishing it will change, without changes patterns, will never lead to anything but frustration and disappointment.

[CallmeTheKnight]

You're too old to be acting that way. He wants reassurance and you're choosing to be dramatic. It's clear as day and plus don't use the excuse that you're upset... no, you wanting to go two weeks without talking means you're broken up. This man is putting in the effort to make sure the both of you are still OK. You have to respect him for that, because it's clear you're used to distance and someone not trying to mend the damage..

[Asker]

I see, thank you for the answer

[Ukrainianbuddafly]

Like someone else said, he may need reassurance. Not communicating doesn't mean the underlying issue will go away and to be honest... setting a pre-defined length of time to "not talk" really sounds like bs because how do you know if you'll feel better in two days, a week or a month. You grabbed two weeks out of the thin blue sky and to someone who is a fixer not a runner that truly can come off as convenient. Also, people are different. Some like to resolve an issue and fix what matters and others... don't. clearly that can create an issue and send a potentially wrong message. Talk to the man.

[Asker]

Yes you are absolutely right, we always communicated and solve the problems but sometimes I need time alone after argument bcs I feel like we are over communication.. I just can't keep talking and then fighting again.. I need time.. So everytime I told him that I need time or "do you think we need a space?" he always said "no, I don't want to, we would miss each other babe" I needed 2 weeks bcs we had a big argument and it was too much, I can't handle it

[Ukrainianbuddafly]

Ah ok I think I understand. You try to resolve things together which ends up making the argument worse so as a result it takes you longer to bounce back from that. I can understand. I'd really explain to him he hurt you and you need time to process what just happened. Being apart is good sometimes whether it's because you are mad or not and he may have attachment issues. If he cannot respect your needs as you do his then that might not be the right situation for you.

[Guy13]

I’m sorry to hear that. I get like that too and I’m not trying to be mean. I need at least 3 days away just to process it all without the other person in my space. I find fighting to be terrible. I know couples who thrive in it and the drama. I’m with you…give me space and grow up. Sometimes, people like this burn out their boy/girlfriend and wonder why. Good luck 🍀 with it all. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[FilmGuy93]

Because he doesn’t feel like he needs the space. Just insist that he gives you the space you need for a week or whatever.

[Waldoe]

he can "forgive and forget" more easily than you, try to learn from him...

[noohair]

Sounds like a bad match. He does not respect your wants or desires.

[Jenny-Marie]

Not talking won't resolve an argument, it will entrench and enforce the debate.

[berxodan]

You're right about that.