Am I being soft ghosted?

[Anonymous]

So i have been talking with a girl that was a college friend for a while now we have been texting each other i was planning to meet her in the coming weeks when i take a break from work she lives in a entirely different state now so its not easy to plan a meet up.

We had our share of ups and downs with this friendship but i really enjoyed our friendship.

Lately i feel like things have been turning its like she flipped a switch last couple of weeks, she started being cold, dismissive and not very enthusiastic. I saw her online status change to busy almost the same time i turned it on.

She still responds me when i ask something or start the conversation but it takes a lot of time for a reply like an hour or so when she's on and it soon ends because she gives half hearted responses.

I'm getting uncomfortable now its like i'm talking to a total stranger sometimes or being annoying so i stopped talking to her. The last time we talked which was 4 days ago without asking or anything before saying goodnight to each other she told me "its something females cycle" i was a bit surprised she shared that so i just said i understand and said goodnight to her as usual.

But here is the thing we have mutual friends that we also talk regularly and when i asked them how she was doing lately or if she was feeling sad or something out of the ordinary they said she was fine nothing unusual and they were talking and hanging out normally with her. So the thing that i don't understand is why she's being normal with other friends and she acts with apathy or like she hates me very specifically.

As a guy i don't understand what goes in a girls mind during their Period so if a girl can help me understand what's going on and educate me in the process i would appreciate it.

I have no idea if she's actually telling the truth or trying to dismiss me i would also like to know if its normal for girls to share their period with guys they aren't in a relationship yet like that?

[SteveSmith1985]

This is not a 'period thing'. That's for sure. I get the impression that this has been going on for more than a day or two.

I can't tell you what going on here exactly. But I can tell you what you ought to do.

This is someone who you were/are friends with. As you say, you've had your ups and downs. As such, I think it's important (and appropriate) for you to be up-front with your friend about how she has been making you feel lately.

Honestly (honestly!) what you just wrote here, is perfect. I mean it's PERFECT. What you wrote here, is simply your honest feelings of hurt and confusion as you try to understand this night-and-day change in how she relates to you.

THAT is precisely what you need to do. You need to be 'straight-up' with her. You need to be open and honest about how she's been making you feel. Explain ALL of this to her (I'm not even kidding... you can even copy and paste what you wrote here... just don't take anything out!).

The point is, that it's entirely fair and reasonable that you ask her to explain herself. Friends don't (or shouldn't) randomly just start acting completely differently for no reason. Now there might very-well be a reason. It could be that you said something that she took the wrong way (this is actually quite likely. You'd have no idea... unless she tells you).

It could be that, for whatever reason she has decided to distance herself from you. But regardless, if you explain to her how this situation seem to you (an open and honest talk about how she's making you feel), she WILL be straight-up with you about her reasons.

If they're reasons that can be fixed (you said something she took offence to) then it'll come-out at that point, and you can clear the air and fix whatever needs fixing.

If there are reasons that CAN'T be fixed (for whatever reason she doesn't want to continue a friendship in the way it's been in the past) then THAT will come-out too.

If you corner somebody with straight-up honest feelings, and ask for an explanation of their behavior towards you: You WILL get an honest answer. From anybody. Just be aware that the answer might potentially be a painful one. Still, "open and honest talks" and "putting your cards on the table" are the way to go. For sure.

[SteveSmith1985]

oh yea, it is ABSOLUTELY normal for girls to talk about their periods with guys they aren't in a relationship with. Generally though, it's a sign that she feel close to you, and trust you enough to share 'private details' about herself. Overall, it's a sign of closeness, but not at all necessarily 'romantic' closeness.

Now, if that's something that makes you uncomfortable to hear about, then my advice is to gently let her know, and I'm sure she'll respect that. 🙂

[MiamiMadness]

I don't know if “soft” is the right word