Is it because they're just settling with that girl until a better one comes along, or do they actually love them? I feel like I wouldn't want to be caught dead in a relationship that lasted more than 3-5 years. I'd assume he didn't take me all that seriously if I stayed that long.
marrying is a huge commitment with a lot of negative drawbacks for men should it fail and end in divorce. the only benefits for men is the possibility of passing on his genes and that's only determined by the woman who gets the vast majority of all the other benefits that come with marriage.
a man's role in a marriage is and has always been static i. e. the traditional masculine role e. g. doing the heavy lifting, providing physical and financial security/protection etc.
a woman's role in a marriage these days is negotiable. she doesn't have to cook, clean, do laundry or look after the kids if she doesn't want to. if the woman doesn't do any of these, it becomes absolutely compulsory for the man to do so otherwise the family suffers.
regardless of who is responsible for a divorce, the statistics of divorces vastly favor women more than they favor men, this includes paying lifetime alimony, losing custody of kids, possibly paying up to 18 years of child support, accusations of abuse and domestic violence etc. some of which can result in an ugly court battle that may last for many years and if paternity fraud is committed where a father is unknowingly raising a kid that's not his, there can be even more problems down the road. also prenups can and do get thrown out and disregarded.
because of these facts, it's becoming increasingly more important for men to pick the right partner and take a huge leap of faith and trust that everything will go right but in this day and age of pop culture, social media, politics, peer pressure etc. the battle to maintain a marriage, let alone a family is already difficult even for the above average couples.
take tom brady for example. he's tall, handsome, athletic and wealthy, a near perfect man but even he is getting dragging through an ugly divorce. if he's going through this, what chance does the average man who's not tall, handsome, athletic or wealthy stand in a divorce court?
often the reasons for divorce are masked under the disguise of personality problems but in reality, they are often the result of superficial factors i. e. someone loses their looks, loses their job, loses money etc. chances are, if you've been with someone long enough you'll everything about their personality there is to know, all the good and the bad.
in your case specifically, I'd say your boyfriend is looking at this as a logical cost-benefit analysis and whether marriage with you is worth it or not. maybe he does or doesn't see a long term future with you. you wouldn't be wrong in your assertion that he could be waiting for someone better to come along especially if you've said or done something in the past he isn't very fond of. unless you're a virgin, he could very well be staying with you because you're giving him what he wants short-term i. e. sex.
maybe you've lost your virginity to him, maybe you've lost it to someone else before him. either way, you've lost all leverage for any negotiation because like it or not, while women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of relationships.
I'm not religious by any means but I understand why the idea of sex after marriage is a thing. for a man to get sex from a woman, he first had to show her love, commitment and whatever superficial factors that meet the criteria above all else. once that virginity is gone, leverage goes out the window too. lying about purity can help but lying can only go so far in life before it catches up to you.
I'm not condemning or justifying anything. that's just how I see it unfortunately.
Most people have been traumatized by the insensitivity of an early breakup. We all deal with trauma in different ways. Commonly, guys are more comfortable in a familiar rut than starting over. Though they may be quick to enter a sexual relationship, they tend to be more cautious when it comes to entering an emotional relationship. Though they may seen signs that interest them in the beginning, they are slow to invest, as they remember how painful it was when they lost their investment in the past. Due to the slow progression of emotions, once they realize the relationship isn't ideal for them, they already see themselves in a rut... choosing to maintain that over facing the challenge of starting over. Males are much more likely to settle than females, so they stick with familiarity. They can comfortably eat the same sandwich for lunch every day for the rest of their life. How many women can say the same thing? When they find themselves in this rut, they see taking the step to marriage is just as frightening as starting over, so they choose to just maintain what is known to them and not address or change anything. So, when the relationship began, they probably saw potential for a meaningful commitment. The more they learn about the person, the more that desire for marriage may dissipate.
@VIVANT You're an odd one for a female. Life is so much easier and more enjoyable when we make the most of what we have rather than always expecting more. Luckily, we have choice in our life. If we like it, let's enjoy it. If we don't, let's find other alternatives. People are not lumps of clay, eager to be molded by others.
@AmandaYVR the secret to happiness is definitely being appreciative of the little things, and being happy with what you have, but people who pay too much attention to what society or government or other purveyors of propaganda want them to believe are the cause of so much of their own misery. @VIVANT should be teaching classes on a mountain top in Tibet
Opinion
67Opinion
Wants the benefits of marriage without being married. If the two agreed they don't want to get married then that could be the reason why they've stayed unmarried for so long. I have coworker who's engaged but it's pretty obvious she doesn't want to get married, her fiance seems to be alright with it as well.
Well. Marriage is important. So you both HAVE to be ready. Thatâs the way it is. If there is problems that need to be worked through. Maybe not the best time. There could be reasons.
There is women like this too. Who yeah settle for someone they donât really want. Until a better option comes around.
There can be many reasons. Also I need to be deeply in love and have a deep bond with someone Iâm going to marry.
Sometkmes it takes years to get to a point where youâre ready to marry someone. Other times not so much.
It depends
More likely they want a permanent relationship but donât want the negatives associated with divorce
@SarahS98 you might have morals and ethics, but horror stories abound where women capitalize on gaming the system to destroy manâs lives and especially in the modern culture of disposable men and goddess women, it just comes down to a cost benefit risk analysis. You have to understand that from the male perspective, entering into a contract with someone who has nothing to gain by keeping it and the world to gain for breaking it isnât particularly appealing. Perhaps if women were to forfeit the heavily skewed legal financial emotional and child custody advantages they get just for existing, perhaps more men would be interested in gambling everything theyâve spent their entire adult life working for on a woman.
@Sixgunsound: Excellent and accurate explanation
@Sixgunsound
I've heard of horror stories about bad women too. Personally, I don't think anyone deserves any monetary incentive after a divorce unless they've been legitimate abused or cheated on.
@SarahS98 "He can still have one foot out of the door"... hell yes he can, and this is the beauty of not getting married! đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
@KrakenAttackin
Yes and I'm not part of that deal. I'm getting what I want... which is marriage, then sex and kids. You can go preach other men to avoid marriage meanwhile I'm proceeding with my wedding on March 20th.
@SarahS98 No, marriages end for "no fault" when the wife gets bored, finds a new guy, or otherwise thinks the grass is greener. No woman is worth the risk on this day in age.
@KrakenAttackin
Bye Felicia
@SarahS98 Until you divorce him.
@SarahS98 "don't think anyone deserves any monetary incentive after a divorce unless they've been legitimate abused or cheated on."
This day in age just telling a woman "no" is considered "abusive". Also, every woman says she doesn't care about money... until the divorce, than she wants what "she is entitled too".
@KrakenAttackin
I really don't know what's up with you. If you had a terrible experience, sorry for that but don't put us all in one bag. I'm all for life commitment in the traditional manner, the way things should be.
same with me, until he decided to end the marriage.
You never know what life ahead till you get there. We think we know that person and promise to live till death due us apart.
That goes for both males and females. Anyone can run away from a marriage/relationship.
No fault divorce came from the court (society).
Many hurt, we will never know their stories, their pain. Many regain their strength and keep going ahead.
Many fall apart and never able to recover.
Just be ready to face the unknown and appreciate each day ahead.
Good luck to you.
@midnightmoon05 here is how we can fix this: when women say they demand a contract as a symbol of trust, men can then say, if you trust me, you donât need a contract, and we go from there. I am all for the sanctity of religious or social marriage, but when the costs associated with it via state involvement cannot ever possibly advantage the man, I can understand why men are opting out. Get the state out of the marriage industry, get the courts out of the divorce industry, and maybe then youâll see marriage rates increase again.
One thing I've learned is that women were born desirable - not just physically but also socially - when a girl tries too hard to make guys like her - all she does is replace her god given beauty with a fake image which is never as good as the real thing.
Marriage isn't always the best answer in a relationship. I know several couples who have great relationships, live together, and never got married.
@AviatorTom
Maybe things just never got bad for them. They were just lucky
But the real reason why people avoid marriage is they fear it.
Because if you loved someone enough, you wouldn't be able to wait to marry them.
Marriage brings two people closer.
Don't listen to the BS about how marriage makes no difference in the relationship.
Marriage makes a huge difference. Living together as roommates IS NOT MARRIAGE.
If you think marriage is just simply roommating with someone you are in love with, then you're don't understand what marriage is.
When you're married, you are legally , financially , emotionally, physically, spiritually to your spouse. Its way more than just a "roomating " experience.
@shaysh87 if you expect a man to trust you enough to sign a contract that only you will ever benefit from, why donât you trust him enough not to need one in the first place? Why does the state or the court system need to be invited into your marriage? Unless inviting the state and the court system into your relationship is the point of getting married for you?
@Sixgunsound
if you're already legally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, bound to someone already, then why not just sign the paper and marry them?
If you already have taken all these responsibilities, why not just officially finish everything off and sign the marriage certificate? You're doing the job of a husband , without the title of a husband. why would you do all this work but yet , not take the title of a husband?
she can't call you as "husband" unless you sign the marriage certificate.
People who are in love take great pride in calling the love of their lives "husband". It gives them a lot of joy to be able to call their significant other "husband". It has a lot of significance to it. Wouldn't it make you feel better to call the love of your life "my wife" rather than "just a girlfriend"?
what is so harmful about marriage that you just never want to get married? what do you really have to lose in getting married to someone? there's nothing but benefits. there are no disadvantages to marriage.
Its not hard to get married. You don't even need a wedding. You can just go to the court house without a wedding dress and just sign the marriage certificate.
Many married people say that their wedding day was the happiest day of their lives. So for you to say that the wedding day makes no difference, it shows how cheap your commitment really is.
It makes it seem like you're just settling for something less , never get married so you can reap the benefits of marriage while you can have the option to easily ditch when you don't want to be with her any more.
When your married, your husband's debt becomes your debt. If your husband has medical debt, you will likely have to take on an additional job to help your husband pay it off.
Any money that you make, you must share it with your wife even if she didn't work for it. You and your wife are both financially intertwined. But you never have to give any money to your girlfriend.
If your wife is sick , the husband is OBLIGATED to take care of her regardless of the burden it has on him. A boyfriend does not have the obligation to do this.
A husband can represent his wife. But a boyfriend cannot represent his girlfriend, as they are separate entities.
If you wanted to dump all your savings into starting a business, your business is not successful. You have no money. Your wife has the obligation to financially support you. A girlfriend does not need to support you.
If you broke your leg and can't walk forever, your girlfriend does not have to take care of you. But your wife has the obligation to take care of you forever.
If your wife wants you to sell the house and move to florida. But you do not. Your wife cannot just run down to florida and completely forget about you. Both husband and wife move together. They can't just pursue their own interests while abandoning each other.
This is the difference between dating and marriage.
Its fact that he's not willing to make the ultimate commitment which is why I wouldn't trust a man , regardless of how much he shows he is willing to commit to me. Talk is nothing. I want to see the action of you signing the paper of cultimate commitment.
The truth is, the people who stay together for a long time but never marry tend to have a secret fear of marriage. They the option to quickly ditch when things go wrong. They don't want to be fighting over assets.
Because truth is, there's nothing bad about marriage. what do you really have to lose by signing the marriage certificate? marriage just brings two people closer together.
@shaysh87 mostly because until thereâs a contract, you arenât legally obligated. Can you please answer the question why men are expected to trust women enough to sign a contract that the best they can hope for is their ex to graciously allow them to know who their children are or at least keep the clothes on their back to walk out of court with, or to be allowed to walk out under their own power to a destination of their choosing in the first place. Why donât men get to say if you trust me enough to give this a shot Why do you need a contract? Religious. Is there any form of marriage such as religious or public proclaimed, commitment and exclusivity, which does not involve the state or the court system that would ever be satisfactory to you? Because if there is not, I think I have the answer to my question.
If love and commitment donât require a contract, why does marriage which is allegedly based on love and commitment?
@Sixgunsound
[Why donât men get to say if you trust me enough to give this a shot Why do you need a contract? Religious. Is there any form of marriage such as religious or public proclaimed, commitment and exclusivity, which does not involve the state or the court system?]
that is something that couples like to say in order to cover up their dirty little fear that they know they have no faith in their relationship. Its something they say to make them feel better about how they view their relationship. they want an easy separation when things go wrong. thats why they never marry
truth is... if you truly wanted to commit, you would easily sign the marriage certificate. Its not hard.
the problem is... you're all talk but you no action.
the best way for a man to prove his commitment to a woman is by signing a marriage contract. there is no bigger proof of commitment than marriage.
you can claim you are commiited all you want. but if you refuse to sign the marriage contact, it shows your true colors.
talking is not the same as doing.
@shaysh87 I donât claim anything Iâm simply asking for a logical answer to a legal question from someone whose position of power and privilege in the situation under discussion has clearly skewed their beliefs towards maintaining those priviliged. All Iâm looking for is and admission that there is a power and privilege disparity, which you seem reluctant to do for some reason. Could the truth of your advantage here be too inconvenient?
@Sixgunsound
you never acknowledged my point that a man who refuses to marry a woman simply means he is NOT WILLING TO COMMIT. Its as simple as that. If you are ALL TALK but NO ACTION. Then you're afraid of forever commitment.
You can talk about how committed you are to your girlfriend all you want, but it means nothing unless you're willing to sign the marriage contract. Talk is nothing. Doing is everything
Secondly there is not power and privilege disparity.
why?
1. kids tend to prefer their mothers over fathers. mothers also tend to be more attached to their children than fathers. mothers are natural nurturers so they tend ot make better parents. Upon divorce, the kids cannot be shared. They either have to go with one parent or the other parent. The kids can't have both parents at the same time.
2. Men lose half their hard-earned assets to their ex wives because they tend to marry poorer women without assets. If your wife never held a job after marriage and contributed nothing to the family's assets, she WILL TAKE HALF of your hard earned assets (that she never worked for). If you want to avoid this, go for a career woman with assets. It was YOUR MISTAKE of marrying a poor woman.
3. Data has proven that divorce negatively affects a woman more than a man. Why? because women tend to earn less than men. Not only this, but she also now has to pay for babysitting.
Statistics show that a man makes more money after divorce. why? because he no longer has to split his time between taking care of children and working a job.
@Sixgunsound
you have a lot of fear because of the bad decisions you made in the past.
âFathers are not as attached to their children as their mothers areâ thank you for demonstrating with other finality, how worthless and ignorant of a person you are, and that there is no reason for me to continue to waste my time on you. Goodbye.
@Sixgunsound
it might sound offensive but its the truth.
when you hold a baby inside you for 9 months, feeling its every jab, kick, turn, movement against the inside of your body (which is extremely personal), you have an indescribable attachment to your baby.
Fathers ARE LESS ATTACHED. Its offensive but its the truth.
@Sixgunsound
Not only did she carry the baby for an uncomfortable 9 months. She also went through hell to push out the baby. This is why mothers tend to be attached to their kids compared to fathers.
It is a free ride. Sex, love, sharing, no real commitment, and no Cost involved besides maybe a free car for her... Why would anyone get married with the Significant Other model. Free and Clear anytime with minor damages.
u Some guys can't give up the opporunity to have sex on a regular basis.
I see it as a âmission completeâ
You donât serve into their life goals anymore
Itâs for both women and men.
There is this idea that only men do this they stay for years and donât get married at the end..
But.. ugh It will be hard to type it because I really do not want to sound as an asshole I donât wish you get hurt as a women but come on. Be smart. Set deadlines. When you date a guy and IF MARRIAGE is your end goal set a fucking deadline. For example stay with him for 6 months to 1 year and also let him KNOW you want marriage. If during that deadline you realize he ainât mentioning it to get married than are you stupid? Are you an invalid? Are you mentally ill? Are you a sociopath? Are you hoping for a change? Are you wishing for a magic to happen? LEAVE donât stay.
Same goes for men if you want to to get married but when you mention marriage and this women isnât reacting here is your answers.. she doesnât want you as her husband.
Oh and I have noticed this dilemma happens only in the US. Iâm from Europe ( Balkans) and how relationships and marriage work there it is exactly how I described it. You basically let the guy know and if you see he ainât reacting much to it then you R U N
R U N
whatâs so hard to understand ?
Donât make life so complicated it isnât
itâs you whoâs making it hard and blaming others
Donât waste your life even a minute is SO precious tomorrow isnât even guaranteed you will be alive donât waste it away for a genital that isnât â sure â about you
Life is a bitch so be a bitch help yourself
Totally agree. For me Iâd wait around 12 months to see if a marriage is possible, and then if it is possible plan to get married soon. If after 12 months or so, you are both still not sure, itâs just wasting both of your time and you should either try and get a firm commitment or move on to other people.
Marriage isnât that much different to a long term relationship, itâs just extra security and commitment compared to not being married. Not an ironclad guarantee of a happily ever after, but at least a 50% chance of something to be proud of.
I mean in Sweden it's not uncommon for couples to get married for their 20th anniversary of dating. But I don't think they get special economic benefits from marriage.
But I think there is at some level a fear of how things may change in the future. Falling out of love with each other and being "stuck".
That's kinda how it was with my parents. My mom fell out of love with my dad. They were together for several years and I saw my mom get agitated and my dad get depressed. So when my mom finally left, both their moods improved drastically. My mom has dated a couple great guys since. My dad remarried within a couple years to a woman who he seems more compatible with.
And then there's my grandparents. They had 6 kids. My grandpa went to Korea and came back with PTSD, OCD, manic depression, and BPD, and had to be institutionalized, being sort of "out of it" the rest of his life. Then they had 7 more kids. They grew to kinda despise one another rarely talking. She would stick to crafts. He would watch TV. If she brought anything up, it was already too stressful and he'd have to leave. By the time she died, he said "Can I move her stuff now? It's taking a lot of space."
But they were devout Catholics and didn't believe in divorce. So they were just kinda stuck.
So with that, combined with the fact that I'd probably lose my house in a divorce AND pay alimony, I'd probably get cold feet if it got to that point.
its quite sad how you encourage couples to break up once they encounter any issue. if this was the case, marriage should never exist. there would be no family. all of us would just live in broken families with step moms and step dads. there should be more to marriage than just mere "fun". Marriage is a life long duty to take care and serve each other. Marriage should not be something that is temporary.
Some guys like to string girls around for fun, some donât want to be alone but donât want commitment and others are just trying to get their finances in order to actually settle down. There are various reasons why guys could date without giving commitment, with another even being withholding the marriage proposal out of spite/resentment.
I think it depends on a case by case basis, but Iâd wager a lot of it would be that the guy found a girl but did so before getting financially stable. Thatâs why itâs usually best to be stable before looking for serious relationships. On the other hand people have needs and want to feel loved so that leads them to wanting to be with someone regardless of their financial situation. What the world really needs is a more stable job market and lower priced entry accomodation. Then when people were ready they would be more able to settle down, like in the not too distant past (pre 1970s) when the unemployment rates were around 1-2% and housing was cheap as (at least in Australia).
Let me try to translate this. 🧐
âWhy do guys go to baseball games for years/ tradition, if theyâre not gonna buy the ballpark hotdogs [every time].â
My response:
err uhh⌠lol itâs because they went to the park for a different reason, and if theyâre not a fan of the hot dog, they ainât gonna buy it, and if theyâre not a âmajor fan,â they couldnât be expected to eat the same dog, from the same vendor, every single time they went.
Marriage can sometimes be elusive to men, I mean they see visual; physical; the tangible. Marriage and government licenses donât mean much by the in-depth definition, and it would take some effort for them to realize and understand what sentimental value or assurance it gives to a woman/ their woman.
Marriage is understood at face value and itâs terminology or basic principle, and itâs just yeah, itâs just complicated lol
I still think my baseball analogy/ translation fits, though.
Letâs throw in the sticker: not-all-men-are-the-same-and-not-all-women-are-the-same-and-there-are-exceptions-to-every-rule-and-common-thread/ line 📈
(damn.. that was a long sticker) âď¸🥲
It's convenient for them after all. They have no real responsibility nor commitment. Only having a verbal agreement (where has a foot out the door anytime) of being exclusive isn't the same as actually signing your vows, sharing assets and being included on each other's health insurance policies.
Smart women actually wait till marriage. That's what I did and that's how I got my now fiance. I'm not giving it up till after my wedding. Afterwards he can have sex all he wants to but the most.
Women need to stop thinking that moving in with a man is a step towards marriage. It isn't. It's just moving in and enjoying your moment. She's giving all her good years for lust.
Yes waiting till marriage gets you more closer to getting proposed and married during your good years than just being a ''live-in girlfriend'' doing the so called modern dating thing, which is in reality just lust replacing commitment. Those men that keep their girlfriend with false hopes of marriage (ex: ''Oh one day we'll have kids, one day, don't worry) I wouldn't call them bfs. They sound more like friends with benefits under the title of boyfriend.
I feel sorry for the poor women that stay in those positions and really consider their ''bfs'' as a family member, as the man of her dreams, as the future father of her kids, really think he has done everything for them and that they'll have a figure. Oh yes he did everything for you except the most important thing, put the damn ring in your finger for crying out loud.
That's like clients coming to your stores and only getting the worthless free coupons but not buying your product... then you're not earning nothing out of it.
You are both on the right track for sexual policy before marriage. If it has worked for thousands of years, what is gained by change for the sake of change?
@Sixgunsound
Thank you. I tend to sometimes analyze things and see the benefits vs risks. It's like for me, logic has always taken over emotions. I can love but I apply too much logic into things sometimes. I'm also great with math. I'm already calculating that if I my wedding is on March 20 (I'll still be 24 since my b-day is on April 7th), then I'll have my 1st child at age 25-26. The 2nd child maybe at age 28 and 3rd likely in my 30's. But by then I've already used my fertile years to my advantage and gained.
If I were to apply too much emotions and ''butterflies in my stomach'' logic like those women that live together for years with a boyfriend do, there is nothing to gain. Sometimes I feel as if my brain is wired differently, too much on the logical and ''risk vs benefits'' side than purely base on just emotions.
We think alike in this way. I was 24 and already had college and the Navy behind me when I started dating my future wife for the purpose of marriage. She was 22 when I turned 25, pretty ideal for fertility and energy level and financial stability.
@Sixgunsound
Exactly. That's the how ideally it should be. I don't understand the incels trying to convince us to waste our time with the living together and sacrifice our best years for just feelings and lust.
Men will rise to the level women demand them to, no further, in their pursuit of sexual access. You need to find a way to convince your sisters worldwide of the merit of your position. In the west the church used to be that unifying message that young women got from birth through adulthood, but feminism and liberalism have largely succeeded in destroying the church as a power player in the life of the average young western woman, so a replacement social agent is now necessary.
After three to five years with someone the feeling have to be strong for one another. But also being together for that long you are already married even if you haven't had the ceremony and paperwork done.
Also I have seen where two people were very happy together for years and when they did get married things changed and it wasn't long before they divorced. It is like what happens sometimes when friends start to go together and it doesn't work out, it ruins the friendship also...
Personally, I believe in marriage and think it should be done within the first and second year of being together. By the end of the first year together both should know if the other is the one for them. After one year both should already have plans financially to have each others bills at a point of being close to paid off if not paid off. Finances are the responsibility of both and they should have a good game plan of getting rid of each others debt before getting married. There will be plenty of new bills after marriage...
They are not ready to commit due to some reasons (financial, past experiences, too young) which is fine if both of them agree with it. The issue I have is when they give false hope to their partner but end up not marrying them after so many years of waiting. This is very unfair especially for women because if she plans to have children, her time would be wasted and she has to bear the consequense of not being able to conceive a child. I would never get involved with a man like this. My limit is 5 years. If he doesnât propose or plan to marry me, that selfish prick needs to get lost.
m it is very simple...
not everyone goes into dating with the idea of marrying the one they are dating, not all women nor all men
not everyone thinks that the first time you date someone, it has to end in marriage
not everyone thinks that every person you date has to be one you eventually marry
not everyone wants to marry or have kids in the first place, men or women alike...
it is only some people who see marriage as their only goal and the one that ultimately define if they're happy or not or if "they've made it" or not... but many other, they want to happy IN the moment, and want their lives defined by the satisfaction of those happy relationships as long as they last, both are valid approaches, as long as that is what you genuinely want... of course
It varies from man to man in my experience:
- The relationship could be a placeholder. Someone fun to get along with and they are attracted to, but isn't "the one." They know it deep down that she isn't the one, but this relationship adds benefit to their life for the time being,
- They do think she's the one they want to be with for the rest of their lives, but they don't want to get married in general because things could get messy. Some people (me included) dread the thought of getting divorced if things were to go awry. Or they don't think marriage is necessary.
- They do want to get married in life, but they're just waiting longer to be completely certain she's the one. Marriage to a person isn't a decision to be taken lightly, so a lot of thought should go into it.
My best friend has been with his girlfriend for about 4 years now?
He feels like he isn't where he wants to be and wants to wait until he's financially stable before marrying. Right now he moved to live with his girlfriend and her parents.
Most men today are scared of marriage because of all the nonsense they hear about what happens if they get divorced and how they get screwed over if the girl decides she doesnât love him anymore or she gets bored and ends up cheating on him , there is so much negativity about relationships these days and the number one source that is causing this nonsense is social media , They say most divorces today are initiated by women , so for a girl to really want a guy to fully commit and trust her she is going to have to really prove it to him that she only has eyes for him , and treats him like a king or he isnât going to propose
Marriage doesn't mean the same thing to a man.
"Honey, you know I love you and I plan to stay with you forever, right?"
"Yes, and so do I."
"Well I think this thing we have together is great, we should celebrate it"
"Wonderful idea love."
"And invite our friends and family to celebrate it too."
"OK sure."
"And let's get the government and some lawyers involved. And the church."
"What?"
"And let's put some life changing financial penalties in place if anything ever changes. Like, I fuck your best friend or have another mans child and tell you it's yours. Or I just stop having sex with you and put on 150lbs."
"Penalties for both of us?"
"No! No, silly. Just you."
"How about no."
"You bastard!! Dont you love me?"
Only dumb dudes are marrying anymore. Go on and get you one of those! Ell oh ell!
Too much to lose and too little to gain for men to marry in western society. Itâs unrealistic to expect that to change in my lifetime, or even yours.
Thereâs this interesting hypocrisy built into the expectation of marriage. The one who wants to marry is frustrated, maybe rightfully, that their partner doesnât trust them to not destroy them through divorce. Meanwhile, that same person expects to get married because they donât trust their partner to not leave them with nothing.
Ell oh ell!
I don't want to be married. I want to find a LTR and by with here forever but not to marry her. I will of course make sure to make this clear to any girl that is interested.
Now when it comes to the "Is it because they're just settling with that girl until a better one comes along", then I would only do that as a friends with benefits situation with a girl that meets my standards to be friends with benefits but doesn't meet my standards to be a relationship with. But again, I would make sure to make it clear.
The most important thing is to make clear what your intentions are to the other person.
I agree with you 💯. The only reason to be in a long term relationship is to wait and make sure you really know them. Go through all the seasons with them and make sure youâre able to get over any red flags along the way. It shouldnât take that long to know if youâre going to marry someone or notâŚ..
now at the same time Iâm a firm believer that when youâre just starting to date as a younger adult that full on relationships are a waste of time. Itâs much better to have a friends with benefits that you care about and trust to be in a relationship with, but where youâre free to still discover who you are and change while you become more experienced. This allows you to keep from hurting someone who might have marriage expectations but yet you are able to still be close and enjoy each others company.
(friends with benefits is abused by so many people who donât understand how to be true friends with benefits)
Let me answer your question with a question - how many "marriage minded men " did you meet at the ages of 23 -25, then 26-27, or 28-29? The average age for a man to marry in the USA is 30.5 years. Yet, I have no information as to how many men enter a relationship at say, 27 years, and think "I only want to date a girl I might marry in 3 years". I sincerely believe most men don't think that way, or plan to find a marrying mate the same way a woman does. I believe it comes as sort of a "surprise" to most men that they realize "I can see myself marrying this girl". Because of that, they think nothing about being with a girl for years and ending it because they didn't think they wanted to marry her, even after years together.
I will tile you know with a question.
What canât we do as a long term couple we canât do as a married couple?
I have asked myself this question and found out not a lot in some countries for sure you might get a tax break or something to help legal wise but there is not any huge major legal/ cultural reasons to get married in this day and age so it provides most of us with no insensitive to get married asap I find.
With that in mind maybe some people donât want to marry out of choice or past reasons also.
If you want to get married and they donât you may have to talk it over and cross that bridge and both decide where you go from there.
The only reason I can think of is if the guy is holding resentment for something she either did or he came to find out about her.
For example, a lot of guys talk this big game about how they won't ever get with a girl who has had many sex partners.
But regardless if they figured this before or actually knew before they started getting some good recurring sex, or even if it came to find out weeks, or month or 2 after. They'll start in. As times goes on though, resentment builds and builds.
he may love her and is try to make it work out but for most guys, its unfixable.
The risk outweight the benefits.
You can thank other women and the justice system for that.
This isn't to say that men shouldn't get married, but you want to know why.
Investing time and energy in a man who has stated that marriage is his goal.
Men who have been burned or who have friend that were burned and much less likely to get married, got to get them young, or prove yourself to them.
Every guy is different, but they need to verify that their trust in you is valid.
Some guys believe you don't need to be married to be in a loving relationship and other guys who did at some point in those years think to himself I do want to marry her but you end up doing something the kind of kills that thought of his and he's just trying to get it back. I can tell you for certain there is no way a guy is going to be dating any female for years just for some mediocre pussy, he can get that pretty much anywhere, he has to be invested in some way to stay that long. Ask him why he has no intentions of marriage.
The type you're speaking of are the ones who either:
1.) Aren't ready to settle down
2.) Haven't met the woman they truly want so they settle for what's in front of them
3.) The woman isn't challenging him to go to the next level
4.) She might not be ready either
donât know but this is why women need to have a time limit for how long theyâll date someone before they expect marriage. men will string you along and play with you if you allow them to. because of that, my limit is four years. if they donât propose to me within four years, iâm done. and never will i give a man children or buy a home with them unless thereâs a ring on my finger first.
One key component is that men can gather children late in life. Many men want to be well established before they start a family. This might mean that he will not be ready until he is 35-40, and if his girlfriend is the same age as him, she will be beyond her child bearing years (or require fertility treatments that may not work).
if a woman wants children, she needs to start looking for a husband early (twenties). It might not be a bad idea to date older men.
When I did it, it was because it did a lot for my ego. I always felt so good with pretty woman on my arm going out to eat, to a football or baseball game, etc.
It was never about them. It was about me. I was wrong. I was a horrible person and I hurt a lot of people. I am not excusing what I did. I am just explaining what goes through the minds of certain men.
Have never been married and don't have human children. I don't want to be married nor do I want to live with anyone. I enjoy my lifestyle and my routines. I have no problem adding a significant other to my life but I don't want them in my private space 24/7 and I don't want to be in there's either.
When I first started dating my future wife I just knew she was beautiful, exciting and had a kind spirit. I didn't know if she was wife material or not because that is a much higher level than being a girlfriend. Getting a ring is like winning an Olympic gold medal for a woman. I see no reason why it should be easy or fast unless we have a time machine and can go back to 1950 or 1940 to find a spouse.
Point is that it may seem like the guy has 'no intention' when really it's that if she shows herself to be wife material then she will get a ring. A lot of women today don't show it or it takes time to be shown. Plus the guy has reasons not to rush into anything given all the laws that make him PAY out of the azzzz if something goes wrong. Feminist wanted those laws so now all women have to deal with the consequences. Same for how hookup culture was created by women & now it means a guy has to be way, way more careful about which woman he takes seriously.
Marriage is a big life and financial commitment. Thereâs complacency too (habit of being in a relationship). Itâs hard to say someone has no intention for marriage or not
Well you have to ask yourself. What does a man gain by being married and what does he lose. Some people never get married and are happy in the relationship with no legal ties to a person. There's no stress there. Women think because a man doesn't marry you in YOUR ideal amount of time that we don't care but if we marry a woman and didn't read the fine print well... The rest is just statistics.
I have a friend in a long term relationship who hasn't got married for tax and benefit reasons. It's still a committed, loving relationship just without that piece of paper.
I think this is a western phenomenon and the cause of this is mistrust because the divorce rate is high up and it has its expenses.
Also, because people in the west are more open when it comes to sex and this leaves little space for commitment.
This only my point of view as someone who isnât from there nor have I been there.
First of all, not everyone has marriage as goal while dating. Secondly, these things need to discussed during mid stages of dating. If you have marriage in mind and other person doesn't... I'd say look elsewhere, they're not ideal for you. And if you're not dead set on marriage as end goal, well continue then. And if they aren't sure... Ehh.
Don't try to fucking change people's minds. They're not gonna, trust me. The only way you can change a man's belief system is if he's in diapers, attracted to toy cars, you get the idea.
Marriage is nothing but a trap for men. We gain nothing from it, but should it go wrong we lose everything. It is better to simply stay together without the marriage being legally binding. There are MANY couples who go their entire lives together but never get married in court.
I would say it boils down to the guy, his age and his current lifestyle.
Some men do that because they either want that down the road but they learn that lifestyle scares them so they decide to postpone the evolution of the relationship for an exchange of comfort or they never had that intention from the beginning and is just looking for a âfun timeâ.
Why do women do the same?
1. In Divorces women get half if not more.
2. Some women change, they get fat and don't do what they were doing when they were engaged
3. Some women are impatient
4. Some women are too controlling
5. Some women cheat
Usually people get into situations like that because the relationship isn't great, but it isn't horrible either, so the years just kinda tick away. It's not fair to women because the biological clock is ticking, but most injustices in life happen due to apathy more than intention.
I don't know. To me as long as your showing you care and are fully invested then a 3 year relationship I don't see an issue with. Like there isn't a set line I don't think I guess it depends on how fast the relationship progresses. They may wish to marry but it be to soon to their mind or something.
I was with a girlfriend that didn't want to get married. Was with her for 4 years. After 3, I tried. I proposed and was turned down but she wanted to wear the ring. Kind of funny how she married someone 10 months after we split. Someone she swore she was not sleeping with.
Personally, I believe Men that do this enjoy the Security of having a Woman but don't want to commit to a Life Long Relationship with that Person.
Honestly I believe it's Rude to keep a Girl Hanging like that and would Never do that to anyone!
pretty much they think by putting in the effort the s/o would change their thinking but with that not being the case the truth to the matter would just break it off because life is too short to be at an impasse. sucks but you know what you want and the one thing you can't get back is time. just saying
Because they are getting their needs met and they are not in love.
it can be for m/f.
just be smart about what/who you want in your life.
I can say "I want to marry you" as much as I want, and say it with 100% honesty. Women seem to think that is some sort of guarantee. Uh... no.
Because they can. Most men like to receive all the benefits of a wife while they are looking for an actual wife, and so many women allow themselves to be that placeholder and reward that bad behavior.
i have an uncle the exact same way, he is too busy trying to stay young, he thinks if he gets married, he will become ancient or something... or he just doesn't want to be in a commitment
My parents were together for 23 years without marrying. It's a piece of paper, have nothing to do with love.
u Not everyone seeks marriage. I would love to spend the rest of my life with my partner, but neither of us have any intention of getting married.
Where in the rule book does it say you have to get married in the first places?
We are talking about two different rule books here.
Hoes Before Broâs Rule Book Version 1.2 Article M Paragraph 3
Just whip out your tits and tell him to jerk off (which might only take 1-10mins) then leave as you need some alone time. I had a girlfriend who was like this when I was horny and she was busy or on her period.
Because marriage has nothing to do with love. If you think it's selfish for men not to get married because that's what you think the reason is, then I can ask you what your selfish reason is why you need marriage.
Because in all likelihood those guys are getting all of the benefits of marriage with none of the legal obligations. It really is usually that simple.
I donât think itâs intention ânotâ to marry. We just get nervous about that shit. If we stay with you, have sex with you, spend all our time with you, itâs love. Weâre just bad at emotions and donât like talking weddings.
Itâs because you allow them to. First, Girls donât set up time limit. Secondly, guys need sex from females and girls tend to give in and provide that too easily these days. Thatâs the reason, guys delay for marriages.
Why do women do the same thing, that is an unfair question you're making assumptions you don't know for sure that they have no intention of marriage if you speak for experience one guy does not make up the entire group
They want easy sex. They found a slut that is available.
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