Can a single heartbreak make you lose the ability to fall in love?

[Anonymous]

It's not that you refuse or are bitter. It's the opposite of that.

You're happy in your new healthy relationship but you simply can't fall in love. Many months can pass by or even a year and nope, you don't ever develop infatuation for them. Your brain simply not produce those hormones to fall in love anymore. You lost the ability to ever be infatutated. They can be the greatest person ever but you just can't ever fall in love again.

You fell in love once and it was the biggest deception in your life. The person was literally cruel and sadistic (someone that really lacks empathy); a lot more than just a player.

Updates

1 y

Even if they're a decent person and you're happy to be with them, you enjoy their company and they already gained your respect (you look up to them), you don't ever feel passionate love for them.

[abc3643]

Yes, absolutely.
I speak from almost 31 years of experience.

[Asker]

I'm sorry to hear you've also experienced that. The only man I've ever fallen in love with was both a narcissist and a sociopath in the end. I've shared too much information about myself with him, gave in too much (both physically, emotionally and psychologically) to the point I don't think I'm capable of falling in love with another man ever again.
I'm happy with my boyfriend of 11 months not in love with him. I'm happy to continue the relationship and do imagine him being a great father in the near future. If the relationship progress towards the next step, I really don't mind marrying him even if I'm not in love with him. I guess trusting and respecting them is good enough too.

[loveslongnails]

The "ability to" - NO. If you allow it, that can be an excuse to never want it again, but that's a choice.

[Asker]

I guess. I heard you can love too but not be in love. The falling in love stage is more like chemicals in your brain and it happens without you having control over it. The loving part (without infautation) is when we decide to care for the person.

[loveslongnails]

In my humble opinion --- "falling in love" is a silly misnomer for lusting after someone so badly you "think" you have no control over it. How EASY is it to say, "you can't help who you fall in love with"? It's just lust. I can "fall in love" several times a day, depending on who I see or meet. LOL

[Asker]

True. While I'm not lusting over my current boyfriend, I feel happy and finally at least to have a healthy relationship. I like how things are going and there is no drama nor arguments. I like that we have similar goals and both of our parents liked us. I think that's more than good enough for me than ''oh the moon and the stars, I love so much, your body, etc'' worthless thing.

[loveslongnails]

Those are all important things, and hopefully it will spill over into some sort of physical attraction. Otherwise, you'll wake up one day and want to have sex with someone who turns you on intensely!

[Luckycharms12]

You are afraid because you can get hurt. Good things are better then the hurt and worth risking

[Asker]

Yeah I don't open up too much about my childhood years nor personal life. I see no point in telling my current boyfriend about the years I got bullied in middle school or how my ex boyfriend scammed me with me nor that my parents have a loveless marriage, no point.

[Luckycharms12]

That's part of your journey. It hasn't broken you and you made you stronger and wiser.

[Asker]

True. Unlike my ex boyfriend (whom my parents hated), they like my current boyfriend. They told me I've chosen right this time.
It makes sense by now. I ain't falling for the same mistake, tripping on the same rock twice. Once is enough for me to learn.

[Luckycharms12]

There you go just try to let down that Wall

[Nahid1707]

Date when you’re ready too

[Asker]

The thing is you're already date. You're not sad nor suffering anymore. You've moved on but you just can't ever form an infatuation stage for anyone. You brain itself can't produce those hormones that make you fall in love anymore.
However, you do care for your partner, you respect them, trust them, share similar goals in common, you're very happy to be in the relationship with them... you're just don't feel passionate love for them. The type of love you feel for them is compassionate love.

[Nahid1707]

I understand and I’m sorry if that’s how you feel

[Asker]

I would like think to think it's also related to your age and what your goals are in life. I'm not at the same stage nor have the same goals as when I was in my early 20's. Maybe age is a factor too I guess.

[Nahid1707]

That is true

[Blackcupcake]

maybe

[Asker]

I'm thinking if it also has to do with age