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I've personally known this guy for 5 months. I initiated conversation first and followed him first. We began texting each other and I ended up asking him out. Even though he agreed, he canceled on me twice. Despite him eventually telling me that he wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to be friends, we still would text each other, a few times for hours til the early morning. He did admit to liking me and being attracted to me. One of the last things he texted me was, "although I was supposed to go to bed, know I'm thinking about you and I care about you".
A week later in person, I asked him, "How would you feel if you were to never see me again? How would you feel if we never spoke again?" His response was, "To be honest, I don't know how I would feel. I don't know". I just nodded my head and moved on. But what does this mean when a guy says this?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
I think it's a matter of him not being able, or willing to properly articulate how he would feel.
I think, generally, you're better not to read too much into this. THe other things you're taking as signs of affection, or signs of being pushed away are all more important things to consider than how he non-answered this.
It depends on what kind of guy he is. If he's a guy who is comfortable expressing his feelings, being vulnerable and whatnot, then perhaps you would get an actual answer.
I don't know if you're fully appreciating just how... i donno 'intimate' a question you asked him. Especially if he's got feelings for you, but hasn't quite settled on the nature of those feelings (friendship or more).
To give you an answer, would require him to be quite vulnerable. You basically asked him: "tell me how important I am to you, how much you care about me, and how much you'd miss me if I were gone".
Now, that's a pretty difficult thing for a lot of guys (who may not be great at expressing their feelings or showing vulnerability) to just answer truthfully on-the-spot.
So if he's not all-of-a-sudden going to be as vulnerable as you're asking him to be in that moment, he has two choices: First, he can try and pretend that he wouldn't care. He knows that's a lie, plus he doesn't want you to think that anyway. So, his ONLY other option, is to basically say "I don't know".
I'm not suggesting there was anything wrong with you asking this. But, you do have to realize that it's actually a much more intimate, revealing 'ask' then it appears at first. That's especially true in a case like this (where you're in a pre-relationship "what are we" phase).
So, I think you're best to indeed just move on. This tells you nothing really. Keep reading the other signs and signals. They are more important. 🙂
Thsnk you for responding. I also appreciate your opinion and statement. I understand how intimate this question is and how it can make a person think a certain way. Of course, it may not be easy for some to just give an answer to a question like this, especially if that person has had some kind of liking or connection to the person who asked them this question.
He started opening up to me gradually, but he's still vague about what he means when I ask him what he means.
Yes, there were (are) times I do question "where we are", although he did say friends, because of how much time we spend messaging each other, and how sort of intimate we would come across. Such as messaging me early in the morning about how he was thinking of me and that he cares about me. Yes, I was the first one to open up to him and text him I love him. Let me note that we only spoke and hung out like a few times before in person. Majority of it is via messaging. Last month, he also did ask me to go rock climbing with him, which I did. I also initiated a kiss with him 2 months back. That was my first kiss I had, especially with him. My only kiss with him.
Well I'll be honest, it sounds like you're in a weird position. He's explicitly said he just wants to be friends, yet is acting in a way that certainly suggests he wants more (especially knowing you like him already).
That's an inherently confusing position to be in. All you can really do is to "believe him" when he says he just wants to be friends, while responding to his signs and signals of interest apropriately.
In other words, you can't overtly push the romantic angle since the last thing he TOLD you was that he didn't want that. At the same time, if he's talking about 'thinking of you' then go ahead and respond back in the same (obviously) romantically charged way. Basically, what you're doing is waiting for him to TELL you he wants more (if indeed he does) by showing that you're open to it. But only when he "takes the lead' in saying something 'more than friendly' first. But you can't really push it at all, so you've got to wait for him to tell you his feelings have changed when it comes to wanting more.
I am in a weird position, although as far as I know, he just wants to be friends. I did tell him months back that I don't want to push him into getting into a relationship he isn't sure he wants or is ready for. But at the same time, he could've been honest with me from the start, when I had asked him out. It would've been much easier to get over him and move on. But he wasn't really clear until a couple of months later, after I already started catching feelings for him.
His ex did hurt him in the past. But he could've been honest from the start. I'm starting to get over him, although I still have some sort of feelings. That night he texted me that he was thinking of me, I sent him a mirror selfie of myself, out in town. He texted me later that night asking how I was and what did I do etc. Although I was out with a friend, I told him I had a date, which technically, it was a date with a friend of mine. I told him I had a good time and he said that I deserved it and that I agreed with him. I probably shouldn't have told him that it was a date, but I wanted to show him that I was moving on, or at least trying to. That's when he told me he was considering joining the army. An hour later after ending the conversation, he surprisingly texted me saying, "I know I'm supposed to be sleep, but know that I am thinking about you". That got me confused. After saying that he cares about me and that I cared about him, he said, "Love you, have a good day", at 4 in the morning. I in turn told him that I loved him.
But there were a few times, like 1-3 months ago, when he would message me early in the morning to "come over" and "he misses me". Of course, this will confuse anyone, especially if they told you that they wanted to just be friends. I told him to not message me anymore, early in the morning about coming over and he said ok. But he did it again, once more. I also asked him why he did such a thing. Was he lonely? Did he need someone to talk to? He was very vague. All he said was that he wasn't thinking straight. I asked him again, but he just shook his head. But he's not the only one to blame. I'm partially to blame to keep engaging with him.
You're absolutely right about the fact that he should have been honest from the start. To be quite honest, in the long-term, if you're able to... trying to get over this guy and moving on is for sure your best bet. I have no doubt of that. When all is said and done (whenever that is), I predict that you'll agree with me. But I also understand that you don't see it that way right now.
This guy is jerking you around. Quite possibly not on purpose. But still, he's putting you through a lot of bullshit because he doesn't seem to know what he wants. THat being said, nothing you've told me about him makes me think he's a "bad" guy.
But it is a bit painful to hear about all you've gone through emotionally... to get... nowhere really.
I think you deserve better than this, and I wish your affections ended up directed at a guy who was more sure of what he wants. But, again, I realize that you can't control that. It just sucks for you, and it's a shame you're having to deal with all of this.
I think that it's always a bad idea to do the whole "try and make someone jelous" thing. Personally, I just think it's more apt to backfire than to get you what you want. So I agree that you shouldn't have said you were on a date.
But basically, all you can do, is what I wrote about in my last reply. Wait it out, and respond to interest he shows. Wait for him to decide he DOES want a relationship with you (if he should ever come around to figuring that out). And that IS a weird/shitty position to be in.
I did tell him that he could've told me that in the beginning when I asked him out, but he said that he liked me. I can tell that he wasn't really sure about what he wanted to do. But it would've been a little more easier to get over him and crush on someone else and be more accepting of just being his friend.
I don't think he's a bad person (guy) either. Like I
said, throughout his life growing up and what he went through with his ex, messed him up and his perceptions about relationships and what love is... I told him that I loved him and that I'm here for him. But I did tell him a while back that he did hurt me. He apologized and told me he didn't mean to, which let's me know that he doesn't do stuff like that intentionally. He even told me.
Yah, I knew that telling him that I was on a date maybe would backfire, but I was hoping that that would give him the idea that I'm moving on and that it would help me to move on. Kind of like making him realizing my worthiness and mine. I hope he's OK now though. But thank you for replying. Many would've said that ny question is inappropriate and what ki d of answer would I expect. Yes, I did put him on the spot, but I just wanted to know how he felt about me, especially if he were to go off in the army.
No, I don't think your question was inappropriate. I just didn't want you to read too much into his non-answer.
You seem like a very sweet girl with a lot of love to give. I hope this guy comes around to making a move to take things to the next level. But even if he doesn't, I think you can still be confident that you're important to him. You have gotten many signs of that. Those are more important than is non-answer to the question you posed here. I hope he doesn't go and join the army. And I hope things work-out for you 🙂
Thank you for replying!
You're most welcome. Good luck! 🙂
Hit the wrong one. He don’t give a shit about you. That’s classic girl gotcha question and he flunked.