So it only takes one trait to disqualify you, doesn't that sucks?

[Anonymous]

I thought I finally found him. It was a hard search and I got turned down for just being an atheist.

I had everything he was looking for (even the virgin part) except the religion thing. I would've respected his beliefs as long as he didn't push me into god nor religion. I'm open-minded to people's religion.

Doesn't that suck? I got dumped for that, for being an atheist? Disqualified.

Updates

1 y

He couldn't understand why I would want commitment if I'm atheist and felt that was a huge contradiction.

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1 y

Meanwhile I feel you can have commitment without the need to believe in a super being watching over you. I'm would be committed my partner, not some imaginary thing I can't see.

[KostasKouvalis]

I had something similar happened. When I was 18, there was this girl. By some miracle she was one of the only girls I've ever liked, who liked me back and actually wanted to date me. We were both Christians, but she was a Protestant with views leaning closer to Masianic Judaism, and I was Catholic. I guess I wasn't Christian enough for her and she was TOO Christian for me. She was one of those Christians who believed God played a role in EVERYTHING and she couldn't have one conversation without mentioning Jesus. It got to the point where it just became so annoying that I told her how I truly feel.

Her friend from Church messaged me a few days later and said, "I hope you didn't say anything mean to her, she is a very sensitive girl. Then he went on about how she dated a non-Christian once and it was hell for her, because they argued constantly, and he ended up cheating on her."

I told him, "I'm not a non-Christian, I'm Catholic."

But apparently in the eyes of Protestants, Catholics aren't real Christians. The whole relationship lasted only two weeks, and after our little fall out, she started dating one of her church buddies, and we gradually eased out of talking to each other, and I haven't heard from her since.

I was irritated, because aside from her religious views, I felt we were a good match for each other, and she was the closest thing I had to a legit girlfriend.

[Asker]

You actually dodged a bullet. I can see how that's too much to handle. I'm sure we'll both find a better match.
Just like you, that's the closest I got to find a man dating to get married. I couldn't compromise changing to Christianity because that's not me. It would've felt like giving up my identity, what real self.

[Asker]

@Pregnant_Man
I won't change to a Christian nor any other religion because that's not who I am. If I change it would be like lying to myself. I can't change in what I don't believe.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Have to be the one to break it down to you, but you weren't what he was looking for after all. You have your reasons for being a virgin and atheist, but to him, you weren't it.
Just deal with it. Being a Virgin is ok, but it shouldn't be the sole purpose you use it to go for certain men.

To be open minded and willing to commit is one thing, but he's religious and he wants to make his commitment and vows by his religion. His background, culture, and beliefs are just as important to him as yours are to your identity. However, you're not qualified to be a wife of a religious or spiritual man and that's something you'll have to accept.

Although it wouldn't be a problem initially, but it would pose a problem to that of even of spiritual beliefs. From my experience, atheist will eventually feel they have to prove something or disprove something once.

Take your L and move on. It's a part of life

[Asker]

yeah I'm moving on. Sadly he was the only thing closest to finding a marriage-minded man. Fewer men are into marriage nowadays. So close and I got denied. Now I'll have harder finding him.
He had the perfect combination, a virgin like me and marriage-minded; a rare man.

[CallmeTheKnight]

The best is yet to come for you

[Aerissa_Jade]

Marriages where people are different religions can be very tough to make work, especially if the religion has special religious ceremonies that spouses are suppose to attend together.

That would eliminate you right there, in many of them. No idea what religion he is, but if he religion had things like that, then it would mean he couldn't truly practice it.

Politics is another, if you have opposite opinions on matters, could be very problematic.

Beliefs are more important than many other traits, which is why I find it ironic that some people are so vain and only want or care about how someone else looks.

Looks are on the lower end, simply because if you do get together, they fade over time. No one will look the same in 10 years as today or 20. If they got together for looks, they'll break up cause of them too.

Obviously need to have an attraction, but not based purely on looks.

It only does take one major thing, there is always little things that aren't a big deal.

For me, I'd never marry a slob, someone I have to clean up after all the time... but your right, it is hard to find someone who is a good match, too many people try for perfect.

They can have good, better, best, perfect... and they only want perfect. They let perfection get in the way of best, when best is someone that meets most things and is open to compromise and working out the other things, or making sure they don't become an issue.

Perfection is like winning the lottery, only people have better odds of winning the lottery.

Sorry to hear this didn't work out for you, best of luck in the future.

[Asker]

A marriage doesn't have to be done at church. It can also be informal at a courthouse and only main guests invited, not a ceremony.

[Aerissa_Jade]

True, but some religions to be a member in good standing, you need to get married in their church or their temple.

[Asker]

yeah I wouldn't be able to compromise on something I'm not. He was Christian and wanted a girl with his same belief. Oh well.
Hopefully I find my match soon.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Yes, you will be able to find someone even better than him and you'll be glad things didn't work out with him.

[jennifer_bloom]

Being a religious person is not a singular trait - it involves thousands if not millions of other traits. Just like Africa is not a one person continent but has billions of people living on it. Religion takes time to acquire and cannot be gained quickly or easily or bestowed by the will of another.

[Catarine]

It's sad that even when you think you have found your soulmate only one dealbraker can be all it takes for it to crumble. It really suck that his strong religious beliefs couldn't let your ateism go. But like you said you didn't want to change your religion either. I know from experience that it's really hard to let something that really bothers you go and if it couldn't be talked about or come to an agreement there was really nothing you could do about it. To answer your question it really really sucks, I know

[Asker]

Yes it was sad that he let me go and wasn't willing to compromise. Even sadder is that's the closest I've come to finding a marriage-minded, virgin man. Fewer men are into marriage nowadays and just when I found the one that was into it, he denied me.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

I’m really sorry that happened to you, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling at the moment. I don’t know what religion your boyfriend was a part of, so I can only offer the perspective of a Christian. The Bible doesn’t offer much in regards to who we should date or what kind of person to marry, only that believers should not marry unbelievers. But we’re also told if we do marry an unbeliever, we should not divorce them. Most see this as the guiding point, and if their convictions are strong enough, it’s number one priority in choosing a spouse.

Another reason Christians tend to not marry non-Christians is that both usually have opposite worldviews, which can lead to contention within the home.

[Asker]

He wasn't my boyfriend yet. He dumped him after 3 weeks of dating where I thought we were getting to know each other better and really thought there was a connection. Nope.
He was a Christian virgin man and wanted the same thing in a woman; a Christian virgin woman.

[Asker]

Yes this sucks because that's the closest I ever got to finding both a virgin man and a man that dates to get married. So close and nope.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

To most Christians, those things are top priority. A lot of us want people who share the same principles. It certainly doesn’t make dating easier, but it is important. I hope you find someone truly wonderful.

[Asker]

I hope so. Fewer men are into marriage nowadays. My dating pool is basically reduced, limited.

[NotTacocaT6969]

You dodged a bullet.


He’s a cultist and would have made your life miserable.

[Asker]

yeah but that's the closest I got to finding a man dating to get married since fewer men are into that nowadays.
Oh well. Hopefully I'll find my match soon.

[Kyyroz]

Athiests have no moral ground to stand on. Your morality is your whim. So you may feel loyal to him now, but that could change through evolutionary ethics for example, which normalises polygamy. He avoided a bullet in my opinion. Not discounting your loyalty, but just like I wouldn't take a lottery with odds against me, I think he did the right thing. Good on you for staying virgin though. Hope you find someone.

[Asker]

So you need to be religious and believe in a fictious being in order to be a family-oriented person that wants commitment? I don't think so.
I'm virgin out of free will, not because I must obey god or someone else.

[Kyyroz]

Well many Philosophers would blanket disagree with you that God is "fictitious". That's just your opinion, and you are free to hold that view. But yes, you need to believe in a higher moral authority to have a base for morals. Also, you seem very conflictive, him being religious, if you took this energy to him, he would also have a hard time living with you.

[Berethor]

He is likely a fanatic, I don't see how can he turn down a virgin, an virgin girls are best.

[Asker]

He wanted a Christian virgin girl. He dumped me because I'm an atheist.

[Berethor]

I know but virgin girls are hard to find nowadays, so dumping one is not an easy choice.

[Asker]

I know and but he couldn't let go of his strong religious beliefs. He had the two qualities I liked in him; a virgin too and marriage-minded. I found him but he denied my atheism. Wow.
Now just like he'l have a harder time finding another virgin girl (but a Christian like him), I'll also have a hard time finding another marriage-minded man (virgin would be a plus for me too) that respects my atheism.

[Berethor]

True, did you saw the videos from that DarkMatter2525 has made, like that one? :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I225Vcs3X0g

[BJP21]

Religion can be a big deterrent on a relationship. From experience on a former girlfriend who was an atheist. It made things like Christmas and other holidays hard to do. It deterred me from wanting to do anything special for her. A wedding? Forget it. Her view was just signing papers and not having a ceremony which meant a lot to someone like me. To me it meant excluding people and I am not that kind of person. Ill agree it really does suck.

[LiamJHayden]

That's life.

[LiamJHayden]

and yes, it is unfortunate, but we all probably have some one issue disqualification.

[Asker]

He didn't understand why I would want commitment if I don't even believe in god nor religion. For me one has nothing to do with the other.
I want to marry the man, not some ficitious being I can't see.

[Berethor]

Marriage is a religious ceremony, that's why he don't understand why it important to you.

[LiamJHayden]

Considering the subject of his faith "fictitious" should be enough to let you know that it could never work out.