Do you really love her or just the"version" of her you have in your head?

[Gent207-2]

Excluding toxic, abusive a$$holes

If you truly love her, then you will see how all of her imperfections form the mosaic that is the real her. You will accept this reality and seek to learn how to love her better.

You'll learn how to resolve conflicts through compromise because you love something bigger than "getting your way". You love her and "us". The version of you that can only exist with her by your side.

If all this is mutually shared then they will love the real you too. If things are not this way then: RUN

P. S No hate for myLGBT+ peeps🌈

[DaveJord]

Do you really love her or just the "version" of her you have in your head?

I think almost every relationship starts out on this level. You meet someone you go through the initial phased of dating and getting to know her... and yeah you get a version of her in your head. But if you're a mature and well-grounded person that has been through his process before, you know that its only in your head. That chances are she will not live up to everything, and above all else you learn not to put those expectations on her.

Honestly, if you do not love the version of her you have in your head after the first few weeks the relationship does not last. So, I think you have to create that "version" of her first and then commit to really doing the work the find out if she is anything close to that type of person for you, and more importantly if you are that type of person for her.

But you are correct it all comes down to how well you resolve conflict and working through things together, and you never really know how good things are going or could be until you hit that first speed bump on the love highway at 100 mph.

[hahahmm]

QUOTE: You'll learn how to resolve conflicts through compromise because you love something bigger than "getting your way".

Nonsense. In male-female relationships the guy is almost always held responsible for his choices, regardless of how influenced he was by her. It doesn't cost her anything to give him opinions or to influence what he does but it could cost him a lot... ranging from her respect for him to say, whether he gets stabbed/shot by some other guy. So it's smart for a guy to be able to make decisions and be a leader. If she doesn't like that she should go find a weak guy who isn't capable of leading.

Does compromise happen sometimes, of course. But it's not a litmus test for so-called love. To me the litmus test is whether the guy is willing to take a bullet for her or not. BUT not many women would take a bullet for a guy so they can't be considered equals when it comes to this type of question.

[NathanDavis]

I did learn about this at a very young age...

aged 12 to 14 when I had a crush on my middle-school friend... she did ask me when we talked about it one day, do you really know me? or do you idealize me? did you really ask me? or just assumed that I am all that?

have we really spent time together and getting to know one another? or did you just fall in love with the idea of me, from the distance...

and then, I've never had a crush on anybody again, well not without actually to get to know someone and dedicate time and effort to really know them as who they are, and to me that does not necessarily means to look for "flaws" but to actually find more about what makes them really great as people

[mobiusforniner]

Love is seeing. Its seeing the person for who they are trying to be, accepting their shortcomings and helping them achieve their fullest potential, even when it is difficult or it hurts.

I've dated women who, by all recommendations, were terrible bitches yet genuinely fell in love with them because i could see their heart.

[exitseven]

No, itis really love. She just checked all the boxes. I already know what it is like when you love an idea of somebody. This is not that.

[LiamJHayden]

To me infatuation is usually the idealized version thing. Again to me, love is a commitment and should be based upon a knowledge of the real person.

[FilmGuy93]

At this point, I'm definitely in love with the real her.

[Twalli]

I love the real her because we didn't try to get the other person to like us. We were ourselves and hoped the other person would like that.