Why won't my boyfriend talk about his ex?

[Anonymous]

We've been together almost a year, and he will not tell me about his ex - her name, how long they were together, why they broke up, he has NO pictures of her on his FB and no posts (he said he deleted them all after the break up).

I want to know about his past and his refusal to tell me about her just makes me want to know more, I've tried asking his Mum but she said I would have to ask him, and his friends tell me they've been told not to tell anyone, it's really pissing me off, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

While I might choose to tell about an ex, I don't think I would give much in the way of details.. and certainly not for a long time. I think it would have to be serious for me to really talk about an ex. The only way that the "new" girlfriend would have any business knowing about my exes would be if, say, an ex became my boss somehow... or I had just finished a divorce with them... maybe if we had kids... or it was recent. Not that it's a secret, but sometimes it brings up bad feelings. Sometimes you can be over someone, but not what they did. Sometimes it's better just not to rehash those things or keep processing. Maybe, if he dated someone who was awful before dating you, and if he told her about them, maybe he learned his lesson not to talk about exes quickly. Or not. Maybe these girls were awful to the point where it feels like a guy who's coming back from war. Some guys just don't talk about that stuff. Some do. Who knows why? I guess if it's serious enough, he'll talk when he's ready.

[Guy13]

Wow, you are the only woman I know that wants to hear about her boyfriend's Ex. More often it is, "why won't he stop talking about his Ex... doesn't he know that it makes me feel insecure?" What is it you have to know?

[XHopelessRomanticX]

It’s very possible that something traumatic happened with his ex, hence why he avoids the subject, his friends avoid the subject, and he removed all photos and posts related to her. Don’t let it bother you and just be respectful of his boundaries. Don’t force the conversation either, if he’s willing to talk he’ll do so in his own time.

[Jessica405]

It could have been a traumatic time for him. A time he would rather forget.

Take him as he is. Accept there is a good reason for him not wanting to talk about it. The more you push him, the more tight lipped he will be. Let it go, and in time, he might well tell you everything.

[Kinkyhubby]

Because sometime once a a relationship is over for a guy, it is over. I told my wofe about my ex wife, I don't have pictures or letters from her. Once you do me wrong I get rid of everything. It might have be a traumatic breakup for him. I would leave it alone, before you annoy him. One day he may tell you.

[soe11]

To be honest it is good for you, he is truly great character personality.

He never will talk about you to his friends or others.

[admles]

She's in his past, and it's obvious that she caused some sort of problems for him.

Leave it alone.

[dinojames22]

To most people the past is the past. Also it's common to want to avoid such topics with new lovers to avoid the dredded jealousy or comparison conversations

[Anonymous]

It’s in the past. She’s history. Leave it alone.

[Wise4myage]

Why should he?

[Jltakk]

its in the past.