He's under a lot of stress but he forgot Valentines what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm in a 2.5 yr relationship. He's under extreme stress due to business issues for a long time and every day at his business he's fighting lawyers, contractors that are scamming, law suits, drama, you name it.

Valentines I made plans and he was well aware of it. As usual I went out of my way to make things nice. So we meet at a restaurant bar and he doesn't say happy Valentines, not a flower, nothing. But he's sitting there with me and lots of girls have roses. He noticed my aloofness so I say you didn't even say happy Valentines day to me. Not all day. And every man I know sent me at least a text. He apologized profusely saying his mind is just in another world. Said he'd make it up to me. He's done this twice before on other occasions. Then other times he goes out of his way to ensure my holiday or whatever is nice.

I read this is narcissistic behavior. Can any of you guys tell me is this normal for sime guys or is it his way of having control. Or is it semi abusive.

[Guy13]

The term Narcissistic originates from Greek mythology and Narcissus who refused advances from others because he had so fallen in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Original source is Bible, Lucifer, God, and removal from heaven in Genesis.

Narcissistic behavioral evidences are well documented but Prince Charming version is a rare one. Many Narcissist are quiet and some are seemingly honorable in position. Most are good under pressure and have a calmness about themselves but not all. The core signs are Controlling nature. both in its passivity and aggressiveness, in attempts to receive Attention.

The attention is paramount and whether it is "good or bad" attention is irrelevant. The IRS lien or seizure and hitting the Lotto jackpot are the same to him. Whether you laugh or cry it is the same to him. Narcissist is getting and emotional feeling fix with every relationship or he terminates them, therefore, one can implement behaviors that can bring avoidance with constant Testing.

These people do not know how to feel for another. I know one that told a joke at a funeral for attention but really did not realize the place or setting was irrelevant. If you watch them they mirror behaviors and will cry when you cry as they do not necessarily feel remorse or pain for Others unless personally involved or affected.-If so, then yeah all kinds of emotional comes out from every sort of direction and in many different ways.

They are parasitic and will feed off anyone or circumstance. You may have had cases specific thought has passed your mind. Like a for instance: "How can he/she sit there and watch the hip replacement with S curve spine slave in a yard or kitchen and Narc sit there in the same room and do nothing but what is most pleasing to him/her devoid of awareness?"

[MaazHussain]

It's understandable that your boyfriend may be under a lot of stress due to his business issues, and it's possible that he genuinely forgot about Valentine's Day due to his preoccupation with work. However, it's also understandable that you may feel hurt and neglected by his lack of acknowledgement and effort on such a special occasion.

It's important to communicate your feelings to your boyfriend in a calm and non-accusatory way. You can express how much Valentine's Day means to you, and how it made you feel when he didn't acknowledge it. It's possible that he may not have realized how important it was to you, and may make more of an effort in the future.

That being said, if your boyfriend has a pattern of neglecting special occasions and then apologizing without making a significant effort to change his behavior, it's possible that this could be a sign of narcissistic behavior or control issues. It's important to pay attention to how he treats you in other areas of the relationship, and to trust your instincts if something doesn't feel right. If you have concerns about his behavior, it may be helpful to seek the support of a therapist or trusted friend or family member

[AmandaYVR]

You really need to stop throwing around these negative, trending words, and labelling your partner as something he's not.

He is not abusive, narcissistic, nor trying to gain control. The fact that you think this speaks more about you than him.

He's under massive amounts of stress. He "apologized profusely." He said he'd make it up to you, as he's done on other occasions, and "goes out of his way to make sure." Cut the guy some slack. Many people don't even care about Valentine's Day, and lots of holidays. There's no rule that it has to be celebrated.

Narcissism: A personality disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

Who sounds like the narcissist here?

[WaterIsland]

I don’t think this is abusive at all. Sounds like he just forgot. People make mistakes, can’t hold one moment this minor over his head forever.


It really depends on if he does make it up to you tho.