How do I get over this fear? Is this something I should worry about?

[Anonymous]

So I would like to be a traditional woman in a relationship. But I have fears that hold me back.

I'm afraid of a toxic relationship where I'm doing those womanly duties of taking care of the house and making the food and all that. But I'm afraid my future husband will take me for granted and treat me very disrespectfully as a result.

I only say this and fear this because I've seen it with my friends who lived with their boyfriends. After a while the guy starts being disrespectful, demanding things, ordering the girl around and it's not at all respectful and healthy.

I'm afraid of that, I would never treat my husband like that when he goes out to work or when he fixes things around the house/the car. I would be really grateful and show him my love and appreciation.

I'm afraid that won't be reciprocated for me. He'll be mean and put me down and stuff. I don't know, I fear that extremely much.

Also I would like to say I was raised by a narcissistic father. I remember from a young age until basically I moved out, I would make dinner and do womanly duties. I didn't mind it, in fact I liked it.

But throughout the entire time my dad would nitpick everything I did putting me down 24/7. When I would spend hours in the kitchen making food and putting a ton of effort like making soup, salad, entre and dessert. It was like he was never happy with anything, he would say, "You could have done this better. You didn't do this so the food is alright. I'll show you how to cook better next time." (he literally didn't know how to cook at all).

And I just took it every time but every time a part of my soul was slowly dying lol. Then I developed a depression which I didn't understand. I saw a therapist and the lady told me basically that my dad was the reason why I hate myself and my life. I never knew, even though yeah I knew his gaslighting and manipulation wasn't normal when he'd make me feel bad but I didn't know it was that bad to make me develop depression.

Updates

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So yeah basically my questions is... Is this something I should fear and worry about 100% of the time? Are there a lot of guys who will be exactly like my dad except for the narcissism hopefully... But basically nitpick me, order me around and not respect me. I'm just really afraid.

[Anonymous]

It's important to recognize that your fears are valid and understandable, given your past experiences and the examples you've seen in your friends' relationships. However, it's also important to remember that not all relationships are the same, and that it's possible to find a partner who will respect and appreciate you for who you are.

One way to start addressing your fears is to identify what you want and need in a relationship, and to communicate those needs clearly with your partner. This can help ensure that you're both on the same page and can help minimize misunderstandings and conflicts.

It's also important to set healthy boundaries in your relationships and to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. If you feel that your partner is not treating you with the respect and appreciation you deserve, it's important to communicate your concerns and to consider whether the relationship is still healthy and fulfilling for you.

• Lastly, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor to help you work through any unresolved traumas or issues from your past, and to develop healthier coping strategies and relationship skills. With time and effort, it's possible to overcome your fears and find a fulfilling and loving relationship.

It's understandable to have fears and concerns about finding a partner who will treat you with respect and appreciation, especially given your past experiences. However, it's important to remember that not all men behave like your father or your friends' boyfriends. There are plenty of men out there who value and respect their partners, and who are willing to share responsibilities and show appreciation for the work that their partners do.

One way to increase your chances of finding a healthy and fulfilling relationship is to take the time to get to know potential partners and to communicate your expectations and boundaries clearly. It's important to be honest about your needs and to avoid settling for someone who doesn't value and respect you for who you are.

[Asker]

Wow thank you so much for such a great reply. You are a life saver, everything in your post and all the hard work you graciously dedicated to helping me is sincerely appreciated. It is the exact words I needed hear, the wisdom I didn't have until now. Thank you very much sir! :)

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome! I'm glad that my response was helpful to you. Remember that you're not alone in your fears and concerns, and that there are many resources and support systems available to help you navigate your relationships and build a healthy and fulfilling life. If you ever need additional guidance or support, don't hesitate to reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional or to me if you’d like. Take care!

[MrOracle]

This is avoided by thoroughly vetting the man you choose to date, and by using his morals, values, and life goals as the PRIMARY criteria - not his looks or how exciting he is or how successful he already is. People who don't use morals and values as primary criteria are likely to end up in relationships with no long-term relationship potential or compatibility.

Character MATTERS, and people who have gotten everything easily in life are quick to crumble when things get tough, and they aren't likely to appreciate anything. Such guys are often extremely attractive to girls because they tend to be confident, successful, and exciting, but behind closed doors, when they are stressed from real problems that their status can't resolve, that excitement turns to danger.