Why no one spoiled me? I just want to be spoiled?

Question

I've generally been in short-term relationships and I've never celebrated Valentines Day or something with any of my partners yet. I often buy gifts for my lovers and make little surprises but I've never been the spoiled one. None of my lovers have bought me balloons, flowers, plush bears, etc. Why do you think this happens? I just want to be spoiled sometimes.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because you are going after men that only care about themselves or that have a different love language then you do , Most guys don’t have the gift giving love language and sadly most guys assume when a girl constantly buys him gifts , he feels she is up to no good and trying to cover up her tracks , And sadly most girls think the same way when her Man buys her an expensive gift , she will assume oh he must of did something ducked up. I was in a relationship with a girl that constantly bought me gifts when I told her not to , even though I thought it was sweet of her to do I told her the only gift I want is you , Little did I realize she would get upset if I didn’t buy her gifts , so I would go buy her gifts to make her happy even though to me it was more of a pain in the ass then anything but I would go out of my way to buy her gifts and try to surprise her , to the point she expected more expensive gifts so nothing I bought her was good enough anymore , she would complain that I wasn't putting much effort into it , so I stopped buying her gifts all Together because I was tired of the drama it caused , It eventually turned into a one sided relationship and her and I butting heads because her wants weren’t being met and my wants weren’t being met so we started to resent each other , If a girl expects me to drop a shit ton of money on her to keep her happy she is best to find herself a sugar daddy , I want a girl that works as a team, that is my partner in crime , Where she has my back like I have hers , My money is her money and her money is my money , I consider myself very content where I don’t really need much to keep me happy , She can walk in the room in a sexy little outfit and tell me to meet her in the bedroom and I will be happy as hell , If she has no problem doing that for me , I will have no problem buying her gifts but when she makes me feel like that’s the only way I can get her in bed , she is best to move on , I don’t want a mooch I want a partner , Me personally thinks gifts are best when someone least expects it , It doesn’t have to be expensive , just the thought is what matters , When someone is expecting expensive shit to make them happy then they are just using you is how I look at it , I rather someone make me something then to buy me something to be honest , So if you want a guy to spoil you with flowers and balloons etc.. you are best to find a guy that knows how to remove selfishness the same way you do for him , When a girl knows how to make her man feel wanted and appreciated and she stays loyal
To him and doesn’t withhold intimacy affection from him , He will have no issue of surprising her with flowers etc. For a guy to give he has to receive , when he feels like he isn’t receiving he will have a hard time giving.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

Nothing wrong with that.

Anytime you find a dark cloud hoving over you, forget about the cloud and look at yourself and learn the lessons... as it is your sub conscious mind calling the shots! In this case, it's making you suffer! You are picking these guys and they don't understand your love lanugage or are not mature/trained well. So time to make some changes...

I did not understand "gifts" and had to learn, we all respond differently to what "love" is... whether it's strongly verbal, gifts, touch, etc. My wife explained to me to think about it like making soup... put everything in! So that's what I aim to do and I want to. It requires awareness.

In your case, you have a strong need for gifts and "babying". Nothing wrong with that, that's you... but look into why that is. If there are childhood "wounds" controlling you, break the power of those wounds. You want the other person to be extra, not your essential. Not expecting you to let go of what you want, but to have power over your feelings to choose better.

Then there is communication, training the guy to what you need. A lot of guys are knuckleheads and won't pick up on subtlies... they will give their love language and hope you are satisfied, because they will be satisfied giving it. So you need to communicate, guide, reward.

There's guys out there like what you want. You'll find your love and you'll value him more for it given your experience. When he's not perfect, you'll be ok with it, because you know he tries and he's better than most.

If you are perfectionist... time to soften that a bit.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

I don't think it's the reward that will satisfy you. You want absolute power over a human being but you don't know how to achieve that. If you wanted just gifts, you would reward yourself.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Avoid selfish men and you will be a lot happier.

MrOracle · Answer

You are 39 and you sound like a spoiled pre-teen. And by your own words, you aren't able to keep a man long-term. The most likely reason for that is that you are used to going after men who are out of your league, and so those men don't take you seriously or feel any need to keep you around long-term. You can get their attention by giving them sex, but they see you as "recreational use only."

If you want a man to spoil you, you have to be worth spoiling, which means you can't be with a man way above your level, and you have to bring value to the relationship - things HE values, whether or not you think they are important.

You clearly want it ALL, but no one gets everything. You got what you got because of the choices you made. Your outcomes are your own responsibility. And at 39, you have far fewer options than you did at 29, much less 19. Most men aren't going to take a 39 year old seriously, so if you find one who will, you had better be everything HE is looking for, because there aren't enough of men like that for all of the women in your situation, and some other women WILL become the things he wants.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Meh... sounds tough.

I think you could start with all these short-term relationships to start figuring out the problem.

Put yourself in their shoes... you really worth that much effort or do they usually get what they wanted and know the other guys did too?

If I saw a guy doing all that bullshit, I'd probably chuckle, say "fucking simp" under my breath and then start doing the math of the probable body count before that guy showed up.

The age of that kind of romance is dead and womanism is what killed it.

TheIrishWolf · Answer

I feel like spoiled is a strong word.

Why do you want to be spoiled? Appreciated, ok. But spoiled?

If you don't feel appreciated, I get it, you u should communicate that then. But being spoiled has a negative connotation that makes you seem somewhat materialistic. Which is a turn off.

I feel like appreciation can come in many ways rather materials.

Are you reciprocating what you're expecting? I get men are different, we don't like it all girly and shit, but still.

Billlewis · Answer

Yes, ma'am, I just started following you and I'd be honored if you'd like to follow me, as well, if that's alright. Thank you very much.

megabamse · Answer

If you never been in a long-term relationship by now given the age you have given, the when you hear "it's not you, it's me" break-up line? Well it sounds like it's you not them.

peedy · Answer

Honestly you'd be a better person if you're not spoiled hardship doing without builds character and that is a far better thing than a bunch of worthless junk that you'll have to throw away because it doesn't mean anything

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

Because even shitty grocery store flowers cost over $50 on Valentine's day. Enough said

FilmGuy93 · Answer

You have to identify and insist on romantic gestures early on.

TheFlak38 · Answer

You pick the best men out there. That's why.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

It never happens because you are only banging Chad Thundercock, who has many options.

Greenbins · Answer

Maybe you are not worth spoiling? Maybe the guys don't see you that way

fonduegirl · Answer

Lack of communication.

Anonymous · Answer

Thats what parents are for

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

Get in a long term relationship.

Minahh · Answer

Spoil yourself

Blues36 · Answer

are you married?

Why no one spoiled me? I just want to be spoiled?

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Why do I always spoil everything?

Why no one spoiled me? I just want to be spoiled?

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