Best way to re kindle with a co worker?

[Anonymous]

So a co worker of mine really showed interest in me. We decided to hang out and went on a few dinners/lunches. After getting to know each other a bit she asked if we should consider “dating”.

We went on a couple boyfriend/girlfriend type dates over a months span and everything was going well. All of a sudden she started backing off a little. She let me know a bit later that at the moment she’d rather just remain friends than be something more.

I believe the reason was me playing it slow since we were co worker and I didn’t give the relationship full effort as I could. We texted all the time and invited me for a hike a month later. It was same home we had our first kiss. I tried to re kindle but she said something similar and that it’s not me and that work and all has her busy.

We still text all the time and have great text conversations. It’s been almost a month since the hike, but I feel like I need to fully express my feelings. As I know there is still something there. I can feel it in my gut. How do I best approach this?

Updates

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Even if she’s already expressed she just wants to be friends the last time we went on a hike? I was thinking about dropping off flowers and her doorstep with a note or do you feel like that is doing too much? I wasn’t in the friend zone and I feel like I put my own self in the friend zone by not being passionate enough. I shoulda been more assertive and I feel like I need to show her that.

[Anonymous]

As a woman let me tell you that in her mind, you are friends. She feels like she was honest about not wanting a relationship, and because you’re still acting “normal”, she assumes you are ok with that and fine being friends. Nothing more. I’m clarifying this to you because I think you’re purposely taking her behavior and turning into you still having a shot, when that’s not the case. One of the worst thing men in your position do is ignore us when we say it’s not gonna work out. It’s not because you didn’t act faster or whatever, it’s because the chemistry and romantic interest just isn’t there. You’re doing yourself no favors by trying to cook up some last attempt at winning her over — you will disappoint and push her away. The most respectful thing you can do is listen to her, make peace with her decision and do what you gotta do to let that fantasy of a relationship with her go. If one day she makes a move and you’re still interested then by all means, go for it and I wish you luck! But until then please don’t be that unreceptive guy, it’s so disappointing and awkward to have to do the whole rejection thing again.

[Asker]

I totally get what you mean. Its not that the chemistry wasn’t there. We both literally like the exact same things. It was there but it was just me not make her feel extra special which I know I can easily correct. Yes I know I messed once! But I feel like if I expressed myself the right way I feel like she could give it another chance. It’s just that gut feeling if you get what I’m saying.

[Opinion Owner]

It started out one way and ended up another, that’s why I say the chemistry wasn’t there, but it probably would’ve been better to say “no longer was” there. Other things could factor in too, like being coworkers for instance and maybe she doesn’t want to date someone she works with or create gossip at work. But if we take that possibility off the table, my thoughts really just come as a woman who has been in her shoes and understands her position. Liking the same things, getting along well and whatever, that’s what you expect with friends. Connecting with someone on a romantic, spiritual level is way different, and I think you should respect that she isn’t in that space. You’ve fixated on a mission to correct what you feel were wrongs on your behalf, but what I’m trying to say is that it has nothing to do with your shortcomings. It’s about how she’s come to feel towards you. If you feel so deeply inclined to make that last grand gesture then no one can stop you and I wouldn’t even try, this is your journey not mine. But in doing so, it would be a blatant disregard to what she’s already said, puts her in an awkward position and it’s really you acting in your own favor, not hers, which is quite selfish and I don’t say that rudely by any means. Could you genuinely speak to how your presence in her life will benefit her? I don’t mean just making her happy or whatever, I mean what value would you bring? Because you see the value she can bring to your life, but what about thinking outside of yourself? Or considering why she has turned you down? Have you thought about what that action means for her?

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry for the length of that lol and thanks for being polite, I know that we are strangers and hope that my verbiage doesn’t come across as angry, hostile or anything like that.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In life if you never try you will never know & in life if you like someone you shouldn’t be afraid to tell them or show them as well. As for matters of the heart the heart wants what the heart wants & unless both of your hearts are aligned it might be safe just to let thing take there course as of the moment.

[Asker]

Honestly what your saying is 100% correct. I can’t force anything if it’s not meant to be, but I feel like if I don’t show I’m not trying hard enough than what’s the point. I’m thinking about one last ditch effort. If it doesn’t work out then I gotta move on, if it does then all the best. You think it’s fine if I wrote out a well thought text and send it to her, or send her surprise flowers with a note of my message? I just don’t want it to be really weird if I send her flowers and she says no since we still work in the same workplace. What do you think is better?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Like a flower things can still blossom between you two & instead of sending her a text talk to her face to face in a place that isn’t at work. I think you two should go hiking again & be yourself & take things slow & if she still wants to just be friends honor that & be a friend.