My girlfriend is very jealous of other women and it puts me off?

[Anonymous]

I love my girlfriend and have been with her for 2 years, she's the first girl I've committed to. But she's very jealous of other women even though there's no need to be, I constantly show her I only have eyes for her and go out of my way to make her feel special. Even if we're out at a bar together, she will berate me when we get back home for having a conversation with another girl while she was present. She also constantly accuses me of looking at other girls or cheating.

She also gets me to reassure her that her attractive friends are less attractive than her, which I do because she's the prettiest girl to me anyway. But she likes it when I call her friends ugly. There's one particular friend who she talks badly about behind her back and I have a feeling she's envious of her. She calls her dumb and stupid and likes it when I reassure her that her friend isn't attractive and that she's the hotter one.

I love her, but her jealousy and trust issues affect our relationship. I've tried to talk to her about it but it always ends in a fight. What should I do? I don't want to break up.

[Anonymous]

be direct "your insecurities are turning me off".
we only know what you have told us here BUT IF you are doing something to make her feel insecure, if you really want to be with her then stop it.
if you are not doing anything to make her insecure, then be direct and tell her it's becoming very unattractive that she has to address this every time with insecurities etc.

The reason I say all this is because my first boyfriend always said he only wanted me and he loved me etc. but when he was with me he would always be looking at other girls. I don't mind him looking, but I specifically told him don't do it in front of me, do it when I'm not standing there with you, you're free to look as long as you don't do anything of course.
He would get mad at this and call me crazy.
I find that highly disrespectful and rude to me being his girlfriend. Once he even fully turned around to watch a girl walk past us and when he came back around he made up a lie that the luggage was too heavy as if I'm stupid.
at the store his eyes would go to every single blonde girl that would pass us
so to me if he's not attracted to me enough to not be able to respect me while he's with me then I rather find someone else. Til this day if you ask him he will deny it but it's not something someone told me, I was there every time. So that's why I say we only know what YOU tell us.

if you are not doing anything to make her feel that way then tell her to stop or else eventually it will make you not find her attractive and you will no longer want to be with that person even if today you say you don't want to break up. so be direct and address it. If she takes it bad then o well it means she wasn't the one for you. Someone that wants to be with you will know how to compromise and reach an agreement rather than feel offended and just leave before trying to find a solution.

[Biancam13]

She sounds like bad news, and that she's got her own insecurities she needs to work on before being in any sort of relationship. It may be better for your own sanity and mental health to take a break from this relationship. Things like this rarely get better over time. She also doesn't sound like a trustworthy person, considering she treats her own friends like that. So why would she be trustworthy to you?

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you don't want to break up with your girlfriend, but it's important to address the issue of her jealousy and trust issues in your relationship. It's not healthy for either of you to continue to live with this level of suspicion and insecurity.

It's important to have open and honest communication with your girlfriend about your feelings and concerns. Let her know that her jealousy and accusations are hurtful and damaging to your relationship, and that you want to work together to find a solution.

Encourage your girlfriend to seek professional help, such as therapy, to work through her trust issues and jealousy. This can help her to gain a better understanding of her emotions and to develop healthier coping mechanisms.

It's also important to set clear boundaries with your girlfriend and to assert your own needs and feelings in the relationship. Let her know that it's not okay for her to speak badly about her friends or to demand that you insult them as well.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide whether you can continue to be in a relationship with someone who struggles with jealousy and trust issues. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and to make choices that are in your best interest.

[TruthBringer]

Look into borderline personality disorder and see if any of the signs resemble her.

Sounds like she has a major fear of abandonment. How was her relationship with her parents? Did they neglect her as a child? In any way, I would be incredibly cautious with a woman who falsely accuses me of cheating if I were you. That's often an indication of a cheater projecting onto you. Not saying your girlfriend has cheated, but it may be an indication to look out for. Not only that, those with fear of abandonment are very known to eventually stab you in the back themselves either through a break up or by cheating themselves. Because it is the fear of abandonment that lets that pre-emptively dispose of you before you dispose of them.

In any way, I hate to break it to you, but if she doesn't realize the red flags in her own behaviors and won't make an effort to correct her ways, then this will eventually cause resentment between you and her. And that means the end of the relationship. 2 years is long, but not that long. I would've personally ended it a long time ago. Life is too short to deal with toxicity of that sort.

[SoIcyGang]

It sucks but this is bad. Lots of people are like this. They lack confidence. They lack inner security. They're trapped in the world of sexual competition where your mate could be ripped from you easily by a more alluring person.

Women are scared their man will be stolen by some beautiful woman. Men are scared their girl will be stolen by some rich guy with internet clout.

And it sucks to be in a relationship with someone like that. It's too much work. It wears you down.

And it will never go away. She has to change in fundamental ways and YOU aren't the one who is going to get her to change unless she changes because she lost you. Because she had something good and threw it away and she can look back and see her mistakes.

It's how it goes for all of us isn't it? Everyone has a lot to learn. You probably won't learn until this girl does something terrible or another girl like her. One day you're like "yep, I'm never fucking around with a female like that ever again."

Really cuts down on your options though. Most people are insecure man or woman.

But then, your options open up because people are drawn to those who have a lot of confidence and security.

[whorable]

run dude. run. she’s extremely controlling and making it seem like you're at fault for having an innocent conversation with a stranger. plus this shows she doesn’t trust you.. and what’s a relationship without trust? manipulative. pretty soon you have kids with her and her true colors come out when she starts getting jealous of her own daughter. you’re gonna wanna talk seriously with her about stepping down and changing or leave her. it only gets worse if you ignore it. (i know bc my moms bipolar and acted just like she is :D)

[lightbulb27]

I believe you can pull up an Erickson Clark Chart, look back to 0-2yrs old and possibly find the issues that created trust. Or her therapist can. She fights with you, because it's hitting a sensitive nerve and she doesn't want to face it or change. It's called deflection and avoidance, standard tactics to avoid changing. Next is being medicated.

You are a good boyfriend for observing her, looking for ways to improve her life and helping guide her. Given her pushback, probably needs to make stop to therapist so you aren't being beatup. It's gonna be a tough battle... you up for the fight?

funny enough a girl out here just posted about how she likes some jealousy... maybe it's her.

[art84]

My brother's ex girlfriend was like that whenever she would see other woman talking to my brother. I remember a time we went to a sweet 16 for a girl that was my brother's ex girlfriend and his current girlfriend said that his ex was ugly and that she was more beautiful than her. The relationship didn't last as they broke up after 7 years and had fights physically. I wouldn't want a girlfriend who was the jealous type cause I would feel like in a relationship where she has the control and tells me what to do and say.

[Finchie40]

Being a little jealous and insecure is ok but when someone is overly insecure and jealous that’s the person you need to watch out for because they are usually the ones that are cheating and projecting their own guilt on to you , they act like a victim but really they are the piece of shit

[Spongebobssocks]

Give her a dilemma. Tell her "I love you and I only have eyes for you but if this is gonna work you need to stop with your toxic jelous behaviour". Give her a try and if she really loves you she will put her ego aside and change for you if not then you leave.

[Anonymous]

your girlfriend is toxic. so if you want a toxic controlling partner for the rest of your life, then sure, stay. but she needs to fix herself or she'll end up alone or end up mentally damaging you if she hasn't already. this is not a healthy relationship.

[shades777]

Nobody likes to feel leas than in the eyes of their lover, I think women know exactly where they stand in the attractiion sphere compared to other women.


Even with that said, women can tell when your totally into them, well the ones I've dated at least. I think its only when I've been less than excited in the bedroom do they suspect Im not totally into them, which may or may not be the case

[BrendanAy]

If she's acting like that now then how will she act after marriage? Even worse. After marriage she probably won't allow you to talk to any girl. Tell her to (i) stop being jealous of other girls, (ii) that you won't fall for another girl. Make sure that your reassurance is genuine. If she still won't change her mind then you should find someone else.

[Haha456]

thats not a nice woman that you're in love with. nice people don't behave that way.

[Guccigabbana18]

I’m just curious, why do you like her? Because she doesn’t sound like the nicest person on the planet

[Anonymous]

She is insecure. Probably always like this even in other relationships. It will cause problems down the road even more so as she grows more attached to you and more clingy in this relationship. I am betting she won't change but get worse.

[Levin]

So have you tried being direct with her?

ie suggesting it's jealousy borne of insecurity? Might want to be careful how you word that...

[Sasha0426]

Well, I guess you have to deal with her jealousy if you don’t want to break up. And seems like she refuses to change.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she's the sexiest woman on the planet, every day until she shuts the fuck up

[slatyb]

This is intolerable. End this.