To make a long story short, we're both 30, work together, and she asked me out last year after her breakup, we had fun, connected, flirted and touched each other a lot over a nice long dinner but the night ended weirdly in her bed. Weeks after I asked her out, she said yes but changed the day many times due to mental health problems and chronic cramps from another medical condition that she had told me about, until I just stopped and we practically stopped talking
Out of respect for her since that's what she showed she wanted
Now she's suddenly wanting to talk a lot again, stopping me when she sees me, calling me her best friend telling me she loves me taking pics of us and getting comfortable around me again. She's told me she loves me before and I've never said anything close back and therein I feel lies the problem, while great friends we've never communicated well, from going out the day she had a breakup and it ending sourly on her bed, to randomly asking he out without talking about how we feel, or what we're going through
She seems to want to be back in my life and I wanna keep it that way, meaning I have to be open and honest with her about how I feel, right? And hopefully she does too? Again I feel it's a problem for both of us but I might be wrong..
I want to keep her friendship since it sucked and hurt not to talk to her for months and right now I'm so happy and wanna keep it that way. I want to keep that bond strong or even stronger for whether we become just friends, which I'd be fine with I think, or with more, which I only started to consider after she asked me out that first time
Regardless, that foundation matters most no? How can I begin to achieve that, just telling her? Having "a talk" with her? Call her something special and she often does or explain how much she means to me?
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It's great to hear that you're interested in building a foundation of trust and communication with your friend. Open and honest communication is key to any healthy relationship, whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship.
It sounds like there may have been some miscommunication and misunderstandings between the two of you in the past, and it's important to clear the air and address any lingering issues. You mentioned that you want to be open and honest about how you feel, and I think that's a great place to start.
I would suggest having a conversation with your friend and expressing your feelings in a clear and respectful manner. Let her know how much her friendship means to you, and that you want to continue building a strong bond with her. You can also express any concerns or questions you may have about the past, and ask her to share her perspective as well.
It's important to approach the conversation in a non-judgmental and open-minded way, and to really listen to what she has to say. Encourage her to be honest and open with you as well, and try to find common ground and understanding.
Remember that building trust and communication takes time and effort from both parties. It's important to be patient and understanding, and to continue to communicate openly and honestly as your friendship develops. Good luck!
"It's great to hear that you're interested in building a foundation of trust and communication "
I really think I failed to do that last year, and her a bit too, especially the miscommunications as you mentioned
I guess I can bring it up
I'm thinking of telling her how happy I am she is back in my life and that we should talk/ask her if she wants to talk about what happened last year, depending on her reaction I guess
Timing is difficult though, especially with her leaving the job next Friday
"Encourage her to be honest and open with you as well, and try to find common ground and understanding."
I'll definitely do that. I feel like she was definitely not completely honest at times, but others she tells me she loves me so at least she does that unlike me
How soon should I make this conversation happen? Like I said timing is bad, moreso when we work together, and I don't want to scare her off again, but she's leaving soon so I don't want to leave it in the air
It's a big leap but something I have to do to keep her in my life I guess. And if it fails, well shit..
It's understandable that timing can be difficult, especially with her leaving the job soon. However, it's important to have the conversation sooner rather than later, especially if you want to keep the relationship strong and clear up any misunderstandings from the past.
You could try to find a time when you both have some free time, perhaps outside of work, and bring up the topic in a gentle and non-confrontational way. You could start by expressing your happiness that she is back in your life and your desire to strengthen your friendship, and then bring up the topic of the past miscommunications and misunderstandings.
Encourage her to share her perspective and feelings as well, and try to approach the conversation with an open and non-judgmental mindset. It's important to listen actively and empathize with her perspective, even if it may be difficult or uncomfortable to hear.
Remember to be patient and understanding, and to prioritize the health and well-being of the relationship over any specific outcome. Regardless of how the conversation goes, it's important to maintain a respectful and supportive attitude towards her, and to continue to prioritize open and honest communication in the future.
Thank you! You put it in such simple terms that seems doable. Easier said than done but I guess I have to just do it
today she continued talking to me a lot and getting close to me. I'm just not sure how to feel and I don't want to scare her away on her last few days. I'll start slow, telling her I'm glad we're talking again and I'm thankful she's back in my life
You're welcome! It's great that you're taking a step towards building a stronger foundation of trust and communication with your friend.
Starting slow and expressing your gratitude for her presence in your life is a good way to begin. It's important to take things at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you, and to respect her boundaries and desires.
Remember that it's okay to feel unsure or hesitant, and that it's normal to have some anxiety about opening up and having honest conversations. Just take it one step at a time and try to stay present in the moment. If you feel like you need more guidance or support, don't hesitate to reach out to a trusted friend or counselor for advice. Good luck!
you can't. men and women are not friends, if you aren't going to date, you are going to lose eachother, move on
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