How to reject her without making her feel bad about herself after kissing?

[JohanCruyff]

I am in love with a woman since 2 years ago who was rejecting me during long time for unknown reason, until she finally revealed me that she has been in a relationship with another guy. I see her everyday because we work together. After a while, thinking that I have no option with her, I dated another woman and 3 days ago we kissed. However, yesterday, the woman who was rejecting me, and I am still in love with, asked me out and told me that she broke up with her boyfriend and that she wants to be with me. I 'm so confused, because the woman I kissed seems liking me a lot from the beggining and I don't want to make her feel bad. At the same time, although I like her, I am strongly in love with the other woman and if I reject her I feel like I would regret it for my whole life.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Be upfront. Tell her that while you enjoyed spending time with her, there is someone else you have feelings for and want to pursue to see if things will work out. Apologize if she feels like you misled her, and hope the best for her-

It's one kiss, so hopefully she won't take it too seriously, however, if she does, tell her you enjoyed it, but there wasn't a "spark" there (basically you enjoyed it, but you don't have any deep feelings for her at this time).

And PLEASE don't be that person that says, "Let's stay friends." Because we all know no one stays friends after a breakup, and no one wants to hear that, male or female. Just gently break things off with her.

[JohanCruyff]

Actually it was more than just 1 kiss, I wasn't as clear as I should. It was almost 2 hours kissing and talking and kissing again. I felt really good, like it was the first time in 2 years that somebody seemed to feel something for me and not just me trying to make a woman love me. But things have changed dramatically in just 36 hours. The woman I was chasing for 2 years, suddenly changed her mind and now she wants to be with me. A part of me would love being able to reject her, but another part knows that I fought a lot for her and that I'm still deeply in love, so I would feel very frustrated if I'd let her go now that she wants me back

[Sour-rose]

"Hey, i'm done with this. It's fun but i'm out. Be careful out there."

[Summeroflove]

I think you should be honest. Tell her that you have been dating someone else. That you’ll let her know if it works out or not.


Will it probably hurt? Probably. But if she’s a reasonable person she won’t be angry with you. It’s really neither of your fault. Just circumstances didn’t align

[JohanCruyff]

Thank you so much for your reply. I think it's nobody's fault. I just feel so bad with myself, because I have been suffered a lot during so long time with this formerly unrequited love, and I feel so guilty that I will make this lovely woman pass through the same as I did during so many months. The only positive thing I can think about is that if I'll be honest (and I will find the strength to be), she will know what's going on, which in my case I ignored for almost 1 year, and the second year I was suffering a lot because it was something new for me.

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome! You’re right it’s nobody’s fault she’s loyal and that’s a good thing and now you found someone.

Everyone goes through times of being lonely. I wish you and the woman you’re with the best. But if things don’t work out you know you can go try again with her.

You are right. Being honest is best so that she can move on and not be strung along hoping she has some sort of chance.

The same as she didn’t string you along and you were able to find someone new. You wouldn’t have wanted her to lie to you or not be direct.

[Anonymous]

Be honest and communicate this to her