My fiancé and I (both 23 and starting out in fresh career paths out of academy/colleges) were walking and she was saying how she will pay my credit card bill for June ( I pay mine in full all the time and due to some unfortunate circumstances with her family life/living situation I have covered her expenses for the past month or so, don't care if she pays for what she spent or not, were a team ) and she is selling her farmland she inherited and we buying a house together in cash (her credit is poor due to some id theft issues, so its easier for us to get smaller equity loans in sequential order after paying them off, Im contributing as much as i can up front at the time (3k of the cost) but I'm paying with sweat equity, and paying off the equity loans we use to improve our homestead. Anyway now that the background is set she was joking she is my sugar-mama (basically she is buying the homestead by herself, which she's not since im gonna pay the loans off and half taxes, expenses etc.) and I took it the wrong way and stormed off. I feel bad for my actions but she cut me very deep saying something that a man shouldn't ever be told if he's contributing and providing, even though I know she was joking. How do I apologize since I ended up triggering her ptsd (she has had a lot of abusive relationships in the past, and including bad relations with her own immediate/extended family. I want to apologize for making her ptsd trigger but I also need to drive home the point that its not ok to be dismissive of me like that even when since I've been working my ass off to try to contribute more, and am considering transferring fire departments to move so she is closer to work which would take a pension hit in the long run, and in order for it to work for us financially I have to do the heavy lifting on the back end of things while she does the front. she's not a bad person but just told a bad joke.
How do I apologize if we are both in the wrong?
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It's important to take responsibility for your actions and apologize for your behavior, even if both of you were in the wrong. You can start by acknowledging that you overreacted and that you understand that her comment was meant as a joke. You could say something like, "I'm sorry for storming off earlier. I know you were joking, but it hurt my feelings and I overreacted. I also want to acknowledge that I appreciate everything you do and that we're a team, but it's important for us to communicate openly and respectfully with each other."
It's also important to validate her feelings and apologize for triggering her PTSD. You could say something like, "I understand that my reaction may have triggered your PTSD, and I'm sorry for that. I want you to know that I support you and care about your well-being, and I'll do my best to be more mindful of my words and actions in the future."
Remember, effective communication involves both parties taking responsibility for their actions and working together to find a solution. It's important to listen to each other's perspectives and to strive for open and respectful communication in your relationship.
Do you think she will apologize? I would have been pissed too.
You guys work it out together
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