Girlfriend wants me to be aggressive with her?

[Anonymous]

So here's an interesting little situation. I've been seeing my girlfriend for almost 8 months now. Everything has been going swell, I love her and she loves me. Although, she recently brought something to my attention.

My girlfriend asked me if I can be aggressive with her. At first I was thinking only sexually, but I think she wants it in any way. Here's a little context. Before, I met my girlfriend she used to date a guy that was much bigger than me, was aggressive, and would grab her (not beat her but man handle her). Whenever she would tell me about times when he would push her or grab her, she would downplay it and say it wasn't that serious and actually gets excited talking about me.

Here's the thing: I'm nothing like her ex. I'm not an aggressive person and the idea of doing those kinda things don't really pass my mind. I worry that if I don't start to do it, she'll become dissatisfied and it'll manifest after different things, she'll get mad and leave. OR. I start to do what she wants and it turns me into a bad guy to the point where I actually do end up hurting her.

What should I say or do? I'd love some thoughts on this :).

She's such a sweet girl to me and it looks like she experienced something bad, like it and now expects that from me.. 😅

[TooHot2Care]

Oh for the love of. . . . . Here is what you do.

On times when the vibe is right, grab her by the neck but don't choke her, look her in the eyes like you are molesting her with your eyeballs and just spank her. Spank her to make her ass move like jelly, not to harm, like a diagonal upwards slap from underneath.

Then shove her against a wall and make out with her from time to time.

There. Now go away.

[Asker]

You're funny my guy. I appreciate you sharing this with me. I'll be sure to keep this in mind.. mind if I ask you another question? So me and this girl have yet to do anything sexually and I'm a virgin, and she isn't. It really bothers me that she used to sleep with a guy that didn't treat her right and I'm over here trying my best to treat her amazing and ultimately, I'm working up to the same thing that he got for a lot less effort. What do you think I should do?

[TooHot2Care]

1.) Chase another girl and pay less attention to her and make her jealous.

2.) bounce.

There is no situation where you keep trying with only her that goes anywhere.

[Asker]

Wow, thanks for that advice. I really appreciate it. I've been reading a lot of forums of guys talking about how they were virgins and they married a girl that wasn't and it still bothers them 14 years into it. This is something that doesn't really go away I'm afraid.

[chicken_nugget24]

In the bedroom is okay, as long as you have a safe word. But outside the bedroom? Did she grow up around abuse?

I grew up around abuse and my boyfriend yells at me a lot. This is normal to me but I get upset most of the time

[Asker]

She kinda likes it in general. She’s a small girl. She lived with the abusive guy for a year and I guess she likes it and she’s used to it now.

[chicken_nugget24]

Yeah, I'm sorry its hard to break that cycle. I would recommend talking to her and maybe therapist or something