Would you buy a house with your spouse with 50/50 contribution or keep all finances separate?

[Anonymous]

I come from a single parent household so the idea of buying a property with someone gives me anxiety. I would rather own property on my own and they can own their own (just in case we get divorced). I am a very anxious person and like to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

I can’t understand how people trust anyone enough to go into such a big investment commitment with a spouse. I mean sometimes blood brothers cheat brothers out of money. It made me think that no wonder aristocrats keep it in the family. Joint investments make the divorce process much stickier than if your finances are separate. You can leave with your dignity intact if you get cheated on or spoken to with disrespect if your finances are separate.

What are your opinions on joint vs separate finances?

[DizzyDesii]

If i build a house, I intend to pay for it 100%. If i buy a house, which would be unlikely because i intend to build it, then i’d go 50/50. I just dont see homes that are already built as special. I wouldn't mind moving around. Because the home is not truly mine. But if i paid to have it built, then that home is mine and i want it fully in my pay and name

[Asker]

That’s a wonderful thought. I appreciate your input Desi. I will look into building homes as that seems like a better option than buying off the market. Since I am in London I may have to move to a more remote village area to make it possible. I think I would prefer the quiet setting of a village anyway though.

[DizzyDesii]

I want a small neighborhood of maybe 5-10 surrounding homes. I dont want a secluded area nor too much land

[Mac-One]

@DizzyDesii Why should only one spouse own the house? What about the spouse who is not an owner? How is that fair to the unlisted party?

[DizzyDesii]

@Mac-One im referring to likely building my home before i marry. It will be in my name. Now say if i was married before building, i’d still prob want to pay for it alone. I woulf hope we never divorced but if we did, i dont want him getting what i built house. I wouldn't care if it was some random house we bought but if i had it built, its mine. I guess i just gotta make sure thats in the prenup

[Mewzinc]

I heard from someone that if you have your partner sign a prenup before you get married, that prenup protects everything you had before marriage. However, everything you get after being married is not protected by the prenup. So if you don't have that house before marriage and get it after, your spouse can take it from you. Not sure if this 100% true though but it seemed like she researched a lot about it and knew her stuff since my friend was against marriage.

[DizzyDesii]

@Mewzinc house or not, in general, the prenup would be signed before tying the knot

[Mac-One]

@DizzyDesii How would you feel if your spouse had a house and said it is strictly mine and you are nor entitled to it?

[FireGodGoesSeeknFire]

@mewzinc It depends on the purchase contract. If the contract is in one spouses name only and the mortgage, if any, is also in that spouses name alone then the property can be protected by prenuptial agree or even postnatal agreement for that matter.

If the house is helf jointly or in common the no, the prenuptial can not necessarily protect it. It will be for the judge or arbitrator to decide, but it's very likely you would have to give up something of comparable value to keep the whole house.

[DizzyDesii]

@Mac-One Thats fine with me. In all honesty, i dont even need to live together. But im totally cool with living together. However, i still want my own place as well (whether that be the house i build or an apartment)

[Mac-One]

@DizzyDesii As I said before I always had the higher income and my wife didn't always work but we always had everything joint except for life insurance, pensions, cars, and other items that were required to be individual. Full partnership and trust.

[Mewzinc]

@FireGodGoesSeeknFire Wow! That freaking sucks! It's crazy though that it's like that. "You would have to give up something of comparable value to keep the whole house." I feel bad for the poor people who worked their asses off to get nice things and they have to throw it away to their greedy ex-spouse. With things like that, it makes you think twice about marriage. Thank you for the info and for teaching me something.

[DizzyDesii]

@Mac-One i’d trust my dude but i still prefer finances remain separate. I’m not looking to do joint accs

[Mac-One]

@DizzyDesii Will be difficult to manage like that and it will never be a true partnership.

[DizzyDesii]

@Mac-One We’ll deal

[Mac-One]

@DizzyDesii I would not a relationship where everything had to be kept separate and not be mutual. I have always been the primary provider financially and everything (except what had to legally be individual) has always been totally joint. We would never have managed with your way.

[Mac-One]

(correction) I would not want a relationship where

[DizzyDesii]

@Mac-One yea well now a days, the dude isn't always the sole provider nor the highest paid, so some things change. I let guys know from the get go how I am when it comes to keeping finances separate. Either he can deal or he can bounce. It is what it is. Glad you went with what works for you

[Apple1996]

Nah women offer to much to a man to settle for having to pay for half of everything. Like let the man handle it they like being the provider. Any man saying that they want 50/50 and aren't willing to support you are literal trash

[Asker]

I agree with you. We literally go through the ally of death to give birth. Having a child can have lifelong implications for a woman.

[Tragee78]

I always look at marriage as teamwork. I know that is kind of controversial to say. But let me explain. I think the media has influenced women to think that men are personal ATMs in any form of relationship. But, I would like to answer the question about separate or joint finances first. When my wife and I first got together, we were still fresh youths' in college. I had already known that I wanted to marry my wife, but obviously, finances were low for both of us seeing that we come from two different countries and different economies. While my wife's father had paid her tuition with the help of a scholarship, meanwhile I worked. At the end of our senior year, I brought her an engagement ring. I had saved all of my previous paychecks from that semester to buy myself and her a ring. One thing I noticed about my wife was that even though she didn't have to barely pay for anything and her father provided for her, she didn't expect much finically. When we got married, she didn't want a huge wedding. Actually, our wedding only had our parents and was very inexpensive. We basically had like a "courthouse marriage". When we were planning our wedding, she told me that we could save the money for a hugely expensive wedding to go towards a house even though we didn't start working yet. Every paycheck we saved, and saved together, while I still provided for her. I believe in men being the providers and protectors Biblicay! My wife and I from day one have both separate bank accounts and joint ones too, while I still am the head of the house. Growing up poor, I never really understood saving and managing until I met my wife. We bought our first house together which was a big accomplishment for us. I saw you mention something about not trusting them to have a joint bank account and that is why it is very important to discuss finances with your future partner.

[Asker]

That’s a very heartwarming story. You should both be very proud of your accomplishments together. I think finding love like that is rare though and at 25 I am starting to compromise on a lot. I just need a husband so I can have two children before I am 35 at this point.

[Tragee78]

Why thank you! Trust me, 25 is young. You can use this time to figure yourself out! Don't rush into a relationship, let it be natural and I am positive you will get the man of your dreams! Best of luck!

[Singing_Hollow]

If you are married to that person and you still dont trust them enough to 'take the risk' then you shouldn't be married. When you say those vows it means life and death with that person. The idea we have today of what marriage, isn't correct. Its team work and supporting one another in ALL we do. If you are halving things 50/50 then you are planning for a 50/50 marriage and you'll only have 50/50 chance of succeeding. If you do things both at 100/100 you have a100/100 chance of a successful marriage. Finances are just money, materialistic object. A marriage and love isn't and you can't throw it away if its real. Its okay to save money even when your partner doesn't know, in order to plan for something unforeseen as a couple but you have to be all in or nothing

[Mac-One]

@Singing_Hollow Good for you. That is the way it has always been for us. We were both raised where our parents keep their finances mutual.

[rosemilk]

what normal person can even afford a house without splitting it 50/50 with their partner? it's not a big deal. I don't know why women think guys should pay 100% for the house. it's okay... it's 2023... don't make them resent you for that...

you can get a prenup to split things up. and if you have to sell the house, it can be split 50/50 if you make the documents say that. you can then take that money and then buy your own place, IF it ever even comes to that... this is a common practice and how the world works. shit happens.

[blackgaletiger]

Well that is the thing with houses, its extremely expensive to own for one individual. In some cases 2 incomes are not enough depending on what the individuals do for a living. Im pretty sure couples that invest in a home together dont have divorce in the back of their minds when doing so. With the way the market is in a lot of places, even if things end and the house is sold and split. You could make back more money then you put in. My personal view is that buying the house with my spouse is not the issue but encouraged. If things dont work out at least i make back my half plus some. Its worse when 1 person does the investment and loses half after the separation.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Then you're living above your means, to include the geographic location in the county that you settled down in. A whole lot of country has starter houses for under 100k. If you can't swing the mortgage payment on that you have too much outside debt or too little income. Fix one of them.

Everybody wants to talk about "the way the market is in a lot of places..." Well then don't buy there. You can't afford a Porshe you get an Audi. Can't afford that get a Kia. Get a segway if that's what you can afford.

[Jamie05rhs]

So you would get divorced simply because your spouse says one thing disrespectful? Do you know how often that happens? I mean, really.
(Now, I wouldn't INTEND to say anything disrespectful to my wife. But I'm not a perfect person. I might make a mistake sometime.)

[Asker]

It depends how disrespectful. If they swear at my family, if they point a finger at my character, if they’re always making me feel inadequate… that comes under mental torture and I am too old even at 25 to put up with that so I certainly won’t tolerate it in a marriage. I have seen too many people tolerate abuse and they just grow old and bitter.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Sarahr123 Oh, I agree with you on that. I don't think anyone should tolerate abuse, either.

[Jamie05rhs]

You need to get to know someone REALLY well before you marry them. So you can spot any red flags.

[Sexiestjohnson]

I know what you mean but people don't know the meaning of spouse yet. A spouse is a house. The day you married that your girl, you married a house. Every girl is uniquely crafted. The hold the keys that worlds, you can't begin to fathom. Marriage is two houses becoming one and that will make one 10000 because either they are complete houses or soon to be completed.

[Asker]

Not everyone these days has the kind of traditional mindset you hold. That’s why it is hard to remember that marriage is a sacred union of two souls becoming one. I find it hard to understand it because I have never seen healthy, loving marriages around me. I’ve only seen broken marriages or people who are together (to the world) but their home is already shattered. That’s why it is easy for it to sometimes slip out of one’s mind that it’s not about a house that consists of four walls. It’s the love of family that makes a home.

[Sexiestjohnson]

So true, dear. So true!

I still hold on to what the Holy book says. You always find what to seek for. If you want lust, you will find it. If you want, the greatest love, you will also get it.

It doesn't matter who hasn't found it before, those who found America, refused to pay attention to people who said it does exist.

We have to keep looking for the city (love) of our pure dreams.

[Asker]

You are right. We have to hold onto faith because where hope grows, miracles blossom. There can certainly be miracles when we believe.

[Sexiestjohnson]

True. I'm not saying it is an easy journey. But I know it is worth it.

[Rei13]

As far as finances go I think each person should have their own separate bank account because while there are perks to it being joint there also some serious negative aspects to it. As far as a house goes I’m ok going into that with my significant other so long as both of our names are on it and that we split the bills to what we can each afford (it doesn’t have to be 50/50, can contribute in other ways).

[ohsheeT]

If you do that you better have everything in writing I mean every eye dotted every teen crossed because somewhere somehow if somebody breaks up with the other person or something happens they're going to try to screw you over it's better if you buy it yourself and get somebody to help you pay for it by renting out the bedroom or just ran out the whole house let them pay for the whole house they're your monthly payments

[Mac-One]

@Sarahr123 Our incomes were never equal and my wife didn't always work. However, we always had everything joint (money, bank accounts, houses, and other items except for the cars and IRA funds). The government requires IRA funds to be individual with a beneficiary. The cars (all cars) have always been in my name only as a liability protection for my wife in case I had a major at fault accident and didn't survive. I guess that it is a matter of trust.

[Mac-One]

Also, life insurance policies and company pension funds had to be separate with a beneficiary. Everything else that was not required to be individual has always been joint.

[lightbulb27]

my wife and I did that, we were quite equal coming in.

I don't see the issue with 50/50 as you noted. if it doesn't work, you divided it 50/50.

The real issue here is trust and security. Those are old wounds you harbor and this is exercising them. you need healing.

keeping everything separate means you don't trust...

Trust is established 0-2 years old... that's where the solution is.

[Adam1978]

With the laws as they are yes. at least that means they don't steal half the house from me, if the relationship falls apart. Paying 100% and buying while being in a relationship will still give her 50%. So you need to buy it 100% before finding the girl, otherwise she got a claim on it. And if she has claim on it she should pay for it.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I think they should separate legally, but of course you can and should split the bills the best you can.
But the real problems with finances don't come when you're married, they come when you're divorced. So sign a prenup

[nastyb]

if you can't trust your own spouse with your own money, you probably shouldn't be marrying them.

[BoobMan]

Sarah--when you're married in most places everything is considered joint property anyway! If you want to keep finances separate, best not to marry!

[BoopBoopBeep]

Keep all separate. You should never buy a house you need two incomes to afford.

[exitseven]

We are in this together. We both own our homes together,. we have a joint bank account and we have a separate retirement accounts but they are managed by the same investment house. Almost all our finances are in both our names.

[LazerBean]

My husband bought a house for us before we got married and we moved in at the same time. Everything we have is shared.

[monorprise]

Are you living in a Community property state? If so then you have no choice you must split it 50/50. If not you can be uneven.

[Kiran_Yagami]

If you get married, your finances are tied whether you like it or not. Why? Because when you divorce, your finances will not be treated like they are separate. They will be treated as tied and split between the two of you like they were tied.

[als24]

I like the idea of us both committing as a testament to our marriage. Once children are involved, it's not about me or her. It's about them and doing whatever is best for them.