If I want a serious relationship, but I can't seem to get there in a relationship, what can you suggest?

[TheSimFans]

While I get tons of guys through online dating, not many are looking for the same thing or they are looking for both long-term relationships and sexual relationships. I do not seek a sexual relationship, only a serious relationship that will become a long-term relationship. If I get a guy to meet up with me, I will always be with my mom. In your experience, it doesn't always work and seems to end and start all over again with different men. What is your opinion?

[AmandaYVR]

@Jamie05rhs What is your advice for her?

I would suggest being very up front about this. Do not wait any time at all before telling prospective mates/dates that you have these specific views on intimacy.

Yes, the vast majority of males will not want to get into a relationship with a girl under these terms. And they will become resentful, the more time they invest in you before finding out. Because to them, even if they do want a committed or serious or long-term relationship, they want sex to be a part of it fairly early on. (After a certain waiting period, which depends on the guy.) To them, sex is a prize, a motivator, and one of the biggest and most immediate draws to getting into a relationship. The rest of it involves a lot of responsibility, awkwardness, losing of freedoms, and disappointing the girl/woman. So they have to emotionally prepare for this, and a man who is willing to take all of that on (from their perspective, of course) does really believe (hope?) that it will be a net-positive situation for them.

However, there are still some men who will only get into a relationship with a girl such as you. The thought, and image, of their girl having been with an indefinite number of men before them horrifies them a bit. You, being one of said girls, need to find that man, your equal. I'm not expert on how to go about that. My advice is simply to be upfront about it. That will lessen any misunderstandings.

TL;dr: Your virtue is of great value to some men. To others, they see a potentially long period of sexual frustration in front of them. And they already feel that now. It intensifies when their girl won't be intimate with them, and he can reach out and touch her... but not fully.

[TheSimFans]

yep I'm always direct and honest from the started and yet men to push that with last one and now also has put on my all my dating profile. I got no interested in having sex. touching is ok. holding hands is ok, kissing I'm ok with.

[AmandaYVR]

Then I think you have some communication issues.

[caring__1]

You're probably giving guys mixed messages, so you'll be less frustrated if you state extremely clearly what you are seeking and what you bring to the situation. When you say you want a serious relationship, people will expect you to be ready for a serious relationship. If you want to take your time and go very slowly, with minimal to no physical contact, state that up front. Anything that's vague and general will be interpreted by the other person whatever way that person wants to interpret it.

Just say, "I like to get to know people very slowly. Though my ultimate goal is to be in a long-term committed relationship, I find most people rush faster than I am comfortable. I'd like to find someone to be special friends with, to care about each other without owning each other. I'm ready for mutual respect, but I have no interest in physical intimacy at this point in my life. I appreciate people who have similar interests and experiences to me, so we don't have to work hard at being something we're not. I want to be accepted and appreciated as I am, not for the potential someone believes I can become. I want comfort, not drama. I want to be part of two best friends who enjoy each other and are happy to be together."

[TheSimFans]

First off, I am always going to be honest and direct to what I want. So far it didn't't worked out with any men that I met up with. I'm always honest and direct with anyone from online dating.

[KingslayerC]

Then what you are offering to a man isn't worth what they will have to deal with to get it. See my first point about ways to improve.

[caring__1]

You may be honest and direct with them when you meet them, but look at the profile you post on these sites. Many times, people tend to be less direct in their profile, not wanting to limit their opportunities. You have been very frustrated for a long time, when it comes to dating, so there may be some mixed messages you are sending in your profile. If you'd like, message me with your dating profile, and I'll help you see what mixed messages you may be sending. I'll also help you rewrite it, if you'd like.

Also, realize many people respond to dating profiles without even reading the profile. Most generic messages you receive will be from people just fishing for anyone willing to bite on their lure. Get to know a person before meeting in person. Ask what they read in your profile that drew them in and what concerns they may see in your profile. In my profile, I specifically state I'm only interested in local seniors, yet 99% of the messages I receive are from women 1/2 my age and living thousands of miles from me. You don't need to respond to anyone who doesn't show you your profile was actually read. It's about quality, not quantity.

[TheSimFans]

yep i again i always get know them first and again always honest and upfront with anything and also put in my profile in my dating apps and dating sites. so where is gone nowhere. people has mistake me for being autistic since that i that direct and honest.

[KingslayerC]

Here's a list of things you can do to improve your value to men:

Improve your physique, improve your hygiene, learn to hold interesting conversations, stop sleeping with random guys, be more sexually engaged (when you ARE with a guy that's willing to have a relationship), pick guys that are in your league (this is tough because men and women both will tell you that you're amazing when you're average), learn to control your anger, don't cheat or flirt with other guys and don't show your body to other guys.

Plenty of guys will settle for less during the sex or early dating phase, but be pushed away by poor qualities once the "to the next level" phase is coming. Plenty of women feel like they shouldn't have to try to improve themselves, but still aim for guys that are out of their league. See how this is a bad combination?

[TheSimFans]

I don't do anything about these things. I already fit enough to walk just fine. Can't be too thin. I'm not interested in any sexual relationship at all. Don't sleep with strangers

[TheSimFans]

I had good hygiene

[KingslayerC]

I wasn't applying any specific one of these to you. I don't know you. And chances are you don't actually evaluate yourself accurately, so I just mentioned a bunch of things that came to mind. I wasn't saying you smelled bad lol.

Also, bringing your mom on dates is probably going to weird 99.9% of people out. And if you aren't at all interested in sex ever, that rules out 99.9% of straight men. You'd have to find some rare "depravation" fetishists to make that work out. Or asexual men, but both types are super rare.

[TheSimFans]

I also have to date men with a learning disability. My mum always comes with me because of safety reasons. But they knocked all the normal men out. My mum is very strict with me when it comes to dating or relationships.

[KingslayerC]

Ah, do you have a learning disability yourself? And your mom is still your guardian? If so, I don't think the people on this site are equipped to answer questions for you. Coincidentally, my mom is social worker for LDed adults and teaches classes to them about dating, consent and other dynamics with LDed adult dating. I can ask her what she thinks, if you would like me to.

[TheSimFans]

Yep I do have a learning disability and my mum doesn't have any good advice with dating or my dad has old fashioned dating. Yep still part of the guardian. My two sisters are one is older than me can date who she wants to date. My younger sister can also date who she wants and might also have a learning disability. That is ok with me

[KingslayerC]

Okay, cool. Thanks for clarifying everything. That would have been really useful info in the original post and maybe consider mentioning your LD/guardianship situation in future posts so people can give you more accurate advice.

Could you check with your local social services to see if they offer relationship guidance for these types of situations? Like the kind that my mom does. They're really helpful for these situations. Otherwise, do you have a therapist or counselor that you talk to regularly? Regardless, I think my original advice is still pretty applicable, but I'd like to apologize for the rough way I went about things.

If you want to clarify more, are you not ever supposed to be involved sexually with a guy? If so, you could always mention that upfront before going on dates. The more information you can provide before the date, the more you will cut back on wasting time with the wrong types of guys.

[TheSimFans]

I'm already put in my profile and if guys mention anything about sex before we even metup i will blocked then , nope i don't have therapies or counselor or any and always be upfront with most guys or blocked guys that has good same thing what I'm looking for and i dislike men that are tall since i kept having bad isuse. as well with one short guys.

[KingslayerC]

Okay, fair enough. It may just take some time then. Considering there's a pretty small market for what you are specifically looking for. Best of luck to you 😊

[TheSimFans]

they might be more men in learning disabilities they maybe be limited and the only type of service that i did get were from NHS therapies but didn't get anyway. got kicked out of one them. then try them again and doesn't seem to get anywhere. also got no social worker. i has try some groups and some social events but so far i met taken men the most in one youth club in northwich.