Girlfriend spoke to ex behind my back?

[Anonymous]

Here's a little context:

I've been dating this girl now for 9 months long distance. When we first started talking I remember that she was coming out of a messy break up with her abusive ex. She would talk about him her and there but slowly but surely it wasn't as often. Randomly in the month of March the ex disappeared and she wasn't able to speak to him anymore (she used to talk to him on the side to try and "help him" through his issues, but she wasn't seeing him in person).

Now, after 4 months of the ex being away.. he came back. The problem is the ex started talking to her and sending her messages on the 6th and she didn't tell me until the 10th. I remember her texting me and telling me that the past few days have been hard on her and when I asked her why she said she would tell me on the phone, then she didn't. I saw her put out a cryptic tweet saying that "changed behavior is the best apology" and I thought it had something to do with my but in hind sight, I see that it was about the ex. I asked her about the text and she just said it was a nice thing to tweet out so she put it out. Then on the 10th, she comes clean and says she didn't tell me that she was talking to him sooner because "she was still in shock". Also during the 2 days that were hard on her, we didn't talk on the phone.. and we normally speak on the phone everyday. I'm guessing that she was speaking to him on the phone.

So throughout the those 3-4 days I was being all lovey dovey and oblivious to what was going on especially when she knows that I don't like stuff like that? Am I wrong for wanting to end this thing? I was planning on moving to be closer to her and it just seems that she doesn't care about me the same way that I care about her. This isn't how I envisioned my life being and it's not how I want for my life to be.

I would love to hear some other people's take and advice on the situation.

[Anonymous]

I knew you’d be back, and I don’t say that to be sarcastic or condescending, it’s just the writing is on the wall and you don’t wanna see it. I told you she probably doesn’t need to be in a relationship right now because of what happened with her ex, and I’m not surprised she’s talking to him again. She’s not over him, let her go.

[Asker]

It was only a matter of time. The writing on the wall was very clear and she even told me at times. I wanted to prove you wrong because I truly felt like the situation was salvageable, I now understand that it is not. Thank you for always being so honest with me. I bring the curtain down today and I'll be back to let you know how it goes. Thank you once again for being so honest with me :)

[Opinion Owner]

It’s ok! I know it’s hard to leave, I wasn’t faulting you for that. I’m sure she has her up-sides, but you can do better than that. Wishing you luck going forward🙏

[Asker]

I really did feel like she had a lot of good but no one wants to be with someone who isn't over their EX. I called off with her just a few minutes ago. I feel like a boulder was lifted off my back. I was explaining the situation to a friend of mine and he told me that if I decide to say, it says a lot about my character. He's right. I'm over here doing all the most for a person who still has feelings for someone else. I don't want to be someone's plan B. I also don't like the idea of me being with someone who keeps going back to someone who treats them back (ironic huh). Thank you once again for having these conversations with me time and time again. One thing that I kept on thinking to myself and something my friend mentioned right away (and you mentioned it too if I'm remembering correctly), she won't change just because I'm there with her in person. I was going to make this big move and look like a fool when it was me and her driving around and she's still talking about the old guy or still texting/calling him while I'm physically in front of her. Every time she knows that she did wrong by me she always keeps asking me if I'm okay and trying to act cute but I've had enough. If she wants him, he can have her. As my friend said, return to sender. Sorry for rambling on right here but this is just some stuff I had to get off of my chest. God bless you!

[Opinion Owner]

Wow, I hope you feel proud of yourself because that is such a big move but you did the right thing! It’s hard to walk away from potential, I know all to well. But given everything you’ve said about this woman, it’s better this way. The right woman is absolutely out there for you, and when you find her god will not put all these obstacles and trials in your way. It will be natural and mutually reciprocal, no drama. Sending lots of healing energy your way, I’m sure this is hard but I’m also glad to hear it’s like a weight lifted off your shoulders. That’s how you know it was the right move.

[boggboss]

I would say end it as yes she did come clean in the end but that crazy shadey behaviour that I wouldn't be able to trust

[Asker]

Crazy shady behavior that I can't trust. People don't really change from stuff like this. If I stay then it says a lot about my character.

[In_Trance]

Dump her

[Anonymous]

Everything in a long-distance, alleged "relationship" is behind your back. She could've kept it secret forever but she told you. My advice? Long distance relationships are not real.

[Asker]

I'm starting to believe that you're right about that