Am I Wrong For Not Answering?

[sweetpeaches777]

Ok... so I've been working at my current job for 3 years now. Sometimes I have to work late and when I get home my boyfriend treats me like crap... he says my job is more important than he is. Tonight he messaged me and I was extremely busy... I saw missed call from him and told him I'd call him back. Not even 12 minutes later he starts messaging me talking shit constantly... when he does that I don't want to talk to him!! But when I got a small break I tried to call him and he didn't answer... a little bit later I get more messages of him talking shit... so of course I don't answer because I don't want to listen to him being that way. Seriously... I mean... he knows I'm at work... I told him I was super busy.. but it doesn't seem to ever matter. Its not that my job is more important than he is but I HAVE TO HAVE this job... how would I pay for anything or have anything if I didn't have a job? It's not like he pays for things for me all the time... don't get me wrong... he does sometimes put me a little gas, something to drink, I smoke n he buys cigarettes occasionally... which I do for him too...

[Oliverlogan263]

You're not wrong for not answering when your boyfriend starts sending you messages talking shit while you're at work. Here are some things to consider:

1) You were busy at work and communicated that to him. You said you'd call him back when you had a break, which was reasonable.

2) His immediate reaction of sending hostile messages and "talking shit" is immature and disrespectful. That's not an acceptable way to communicate when your partner is busy and unable to respond right away.

3) His argument that your job is more important than he is shows a lack of understanding of your responsibilities and priorities. Most people need to work to support themselves, it's not a matter of importance.

4) His not answering when you did call on your break suggests he was just looking to start an argument, not actually have a productive conversation. That's manipulative.

5) You don't owe him an immediate response at the expense of your job and responsibilities. His demands are unreasonable. He needs to work on communicating in a more constructive, less hostile way.

6) In healthy relationships, partners communicate their needs while also respecting each other's responsibilities and priorities. It sounds like your boyfriend has some maturing to do in that regard.

So in summary, you're definitely not in the wrong here. His behavior - constantly sending hostile messages, failing to respect your need to focus at work, and seeming solely interested in starting an argument - is the real issue. I'd recommend a calm discussion with him about how to communicate in a more constructive manner when one of you is busy. But he'll also need to work on managing his insecurity and jealousy in a healthier way.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[sweetpeaches777]

Thank you

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome

[JackCarter]

NO you are not wrong

It sucks that your boyfriend is not supportive about your job like he should be and fails to understand why you can't reply...

Your job is not "important"? Weird guy I must say...

[sweetpeaches777]

Would one think maybe he acts that way because it makes him feel better about the things he does while I'm at work?

[JackCarter]

Well, that's a possibility too...
Anyway this behavior has no excuse!