Is it appropriate to put sunscreen on another man’s wife?

Question

We went to the beach today and my wife asked her male friend to put sunscreen on her back and rub it in. I was very uncomfortable, embarrassed, and speechless. Was I overreacting or am I right?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Why didn’t she ask you to put it on her? the fact that you were not happy with her decision , tells me you aren’t happy with her having male friends as well , and you have every right to feel this way , don’t let anyone tell you otherwise , it sounds to me that more is going on with these male friends or male friend that she isn’t telling you about So. Hear me out man , trust your gut instincts , don’t act on them right away , but if your gut is telling you something seems off , then more Than likely something is off, if you have suspicions that your wife is being up to no good , she is more than likely being up to no good , and clearly she isn’t telling you something , if your wife loved you and appreciated you and respected you , she honestly wouldn’t be hanging out with male friends period and inviting them to the beach with you , It sounds to me that your wife is a selfish person that only thinks what is best for her , which sadly most girls’ do these days , most girls’ they don’t wear their partner’s shoes the same way she expects her partner to wear hers , unless you have girl friends that you hang out with as well , than that’s a different story , but if you do not hang out with girl friends out of
Respect
For
Your marriage , then your wife should not be hanging out with male friends period. If your wife’s male friend or friends are investing a lot of their time being around your wife , then something is definitely going on and they are more

Than likely trying to fuck her or
They are already fucking her , cuz I got news for you , No guy is going to invest a lot of his time into a girl just for friendship , guys only invest a lot of time into a girl he wants to fuck or is already fucking , the same goes for Girl friends that invest a lot of their time into a married man the want more than friendship period , So your best bet is to pretend everything is ok , and investigate without her knowing , that’s how I busted my ex wife cheating on me with a co worker , Do not let Your wife know u are on to her I know it hurts man but so many people on this planet are pieces of shit and selfish as fuck , so if she knows you are onto her , she will be more sneaky , making it harder for You to bust her Again I don’t know your relationship with your wife , but through my experiences a girl that values you and appreciates you is going to distance herself from opposite sex friends out of respect for your marriage , if a girl needs to have opposite sex friends in her life after she is married , then she clearly doesn’t value her relationship with you

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If I were you I’d ask him to come put some on my back once he’d finished hers, and then if he actually did it I’d tell him how strong his hands are and how good it feels. Just make it weird and awkward for everybody, fuck it.

CubsterShura · Accepted Answer

Whether someone finds it inappropriate is personal to every human being. If it made you uncomfortable you should be honest to your wife about it and also let her be honest about what she thinks, maybe in her opinion it's fine.

You can let her know that you would appreciate it if she didn't ask another man to put sunscreen on her and she asked you instead, if you were away from her at that time then maybe you can come to a compromise that before you get away in the water or somewhere else you will let her know that, and ask her if she wants you to put sunscreen on her before you head off. Remember, she also has the right to negotiate what she wants and what's important is that both of you are on the same page by the end of this discussion.

I don't know how tense you become when this topic comes in your head, but because jealousy is very common and it can bring up some intense feelings: make sure to be mindful of your tone and pace as you speak to her, if needed do some breathing exercises or soothe yourself so that you are calm, cool and collected when you talk to her. If she gets excited tell her that she doesn't have to raise her voice or get tense and you aren't accusing her of anything. And don't be accusatory. Remember, you are only responsible for yourself and she is for herself. If even after the discussion she seems to not care about your feelings much, well, you are the one decide what to do about it.

Anemone978 · Accepted Answer

Yes very inappropriate.. why wouldn't she ask you but personally I would of just kicked sand all over the slut..

Apple1996 · Answer

Well that's really awkward since you were right there. Makes no sense why she wouldn't ask you. I personally don't like any men touching my body besides my husband.

AviatorTom · Answer

Sounds okay to me. She probably knows you're not good at putting sunscreen on her. Now if it was a complete stranger and she asked him to put sunscreen on her front, that would be inappropriate.

DaveJord · Answer

Totally inappropriate for her I would say, but I would do it if he was cool with it. And then I would assume other things as well. Like they must be swingers so lets swing.

Paris13 · Answer

Number Three" ONLY if She is Family or Your Best Friend's Wife. Or just a Friend's Wife. xxoo

coachTanthony · Answer

Skin cancer is on the rise. So yes protect people when you can.

pervertedjester · Answer

I would've punched him out.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Sounds to me like she wants you to feel uncomfortable.

For her to do that it front of you is wrong. I don’t want to imagine what she would be letting that male “friend” do when you are not around.

Grow some eyes in the back of your head. If it were me and I had the money I would hire an investigator to follow that male “friend”. The reason I say him is because if your wife is screwing around on you, with him, she will be the one taking all the precautions not to get caught. The male “friend” won’t even consider he is being watched.

Maybe you could borrow a car that neither him or her will recognize. Or rent a car. Like I said watch him. Try to get one with tinted windows and wear a baseball cap. If you know this “friend” well enough, you should know the places he frequents. If you are told by him where he plans to be for and extended amount of time you can start watching him from there.

Keep a camera with you. Don’t photograph with your phone. Too risky.

I hate that this is happening. Look for other clues that your wife cheating. Those clues will be there go online and learn what those signs are.

mattclark242 · Answer

I one time rub a women back and she had an ex boyfriend right out side the hotel room we also had sex. But still when I see him at the hotel room he get to stay with her for free and kiss her and be with her all night and she ask me to leave after an hour. Also he hit her so I don't know what she see in him. they broke up now. I was not good at rubbing her back.

I also had a cousin who want me to put sunscreen on her years ago. I did not like it I do not like touching people. I think she have her boyfriend do it now.

Maybe she ask someone else cause your bad at puting Sunscreen on.

a lot girl ask for that my sister ask someone to do that for her. I never do girl are just lazy maybe or like being touch by people or guys I don't know.

If you are jealous well maybe put sunscreen on his girlfriend back.

If you are super jealous then tell you wife to cove up on the beach for other men may see her then take her back to her hotel room and keep her there all to your self

I don't know JK about this.

BeetleBro2000 · Answer

My wife usually asks friends to help her with sunscreen because I hate how it feels. She likes women and men too, so there's hardly anyone she could ask with 0% chance she'd be attracted to. As far as I'm concerned though, it's just help with a chore. Those people are established as friends—not romantic interests, she's never indicated that she's turned on by or even particularly enjoys it, and I've never seen a friend get handsy or flustered while helping.

If you're uncomfortable with it, then tell her that you are uncomfortable with it. Don't act like she's done something wrong though. How were either of them supposed to know it would make you feel this way when it doesn't seem to make them feel the same way?

Miristheiss · Answer

In most cases... yes it is.

I'm not saying there couldn't be a specific scenario to where you are not there and he is the only one around... etc. but for the most part it is inappropriate.

The way I'm reading what you wrote is that you were right there, you were present and she asked another man, not you to physically rub lotion on her back.

You sound like you need to get you wife in check. That is very disrespectful and shows she is someone malicious or needs a crash course on relationship respect and boundaries... if she is that naive and dense.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Did you ask her why she didn't ask you? Or did you tell her it made you uncomfortable.

I think this is something that is better suited for you both to discuss because as you can see here some people think it's fine.

So just on the nature of answers here it's possible to assume she could have thought it was ok to do that and it didn't mean anything. She did it right in front of you so hopefully she's not trying intentionally to make you uncomfortable. That's why I think it's more important to not look to be validated here when you're entitled your own feelings regardless what we say.

Talk to her and good luck. I'm sure it will work out fine.

_Maya_ · Answer

Dude... it's her friend. It isn't like some random stranger put it on her. It was someone she knew. Not a big deal. You're overthinking that it means anything at all. I mean you can tell her you were uncomfortable about it but speechless and embarrassed? Why? I would not think much of it if the person I was dating asked a friend. Obviously I was engaged in convo or something else so by all means have at it.

Justmisscurious · Answer

Assuming that you were there (present/in her line of sight) and available, I would say yes that was extremely inappropriate for your wife to skip over asking you and asked him instead. You should have a conversation with her (not to accuse her of any thing) but to understand why she chose to do that.

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

We're missing part of the context because normally a wife would not ask and another guy wouldn't do it while you're sitting right there.

So honestly I have a feeling she asked you.

You said no.

And now you're trying to play poor me victim.

If that's what happened.. she asked you & you said no... well maybe you should stop being a douchebag. Then you won't be a jealous insecure brat when your wife asks a simple request

blueonblack22 · Answer

Weird.  But tbh this is completely your wife’s fault.  Why didn’t she ask you? At best she just wasn’t thinking. At worst she might of asked him just to get under your skin.  The other guy was in a very awkward spot too. He had to make a quick choice to act like it was no big deal & acquiesce to her request OR awkwardly say he can’t do that.  Different story if he asked to help her. But he didn’t do that.

BadApple69 · Answer

I would guess it’s appropriate if she is banging him on the side… other then that what woman would want another man’s hands on her body while her husband is right there.

Or she did it to totally make you jealous…. Are you not showing her enough interest? Is there a reason to try to make you jealous.

Only thing I got.

Wallythewalrus · Answer

I wouldn't say inappropriate but kind of strange if you were actually there and able to do it. Not that long ago I gave a friend a massage because her neck had a kink, her husband was sitting next to her but was playing poker, I sat the hand out, so she asked me. No big deal.

Nightblade23 · Answer

I'm a woman and I wouldn't feel comfortable letting another man that wasn't my boyfriend or husband put sunscreen on my back or even touch me So in my opinion I don't think it's really appropriate I wouldn't want my man's female Friend to put sunscreen on my man's back I wouldn't be ok with it so you shouldn't either

John_Doesnt · Answer

In a fantasy world it might seem okay. But in the real world it's a slippery slope. That is definitely intimate physical contact and if she starts to think that's okay eventually she'll let other guys give her a foot rub and it's all downhill from there.

Like they said in Pulp Fiction "Would you give a man a foot rub?" The same logic could be said about 'Would you rub sunscreen on another man?"

HelpfulWoman · Answer

it's literally sun cream. stop being a possessive jerk about it.
you can just talk to her about how it made you uncomfortable and that you would rather her ask you to add it on. literally not a big deal.

Mangospacho · Answer

Yeah, your wife has a male friend who is perfectly comfortable rubbing lotion onto your wife’s mostly naked body in plain view of her husband. Also, you’re asking if being uncomfortable, embarrassed and speechless is an overreaction but it’s not even a reaction at all.

If he’s comfortable touching your wife’s mostly naked body in front of you AND she’s comfortable with it and you’re the only one uncomfortable with it, they’ve probably done much more behind your back.

MountAverage · Answer

Without any additional context this sounds very harmless to me. I don't know the whole context, but either way you obviously need to talk to her about how you felt about it. But when you do, do it wouthout immediately accusing her of something. Just share your feelings and see how she reacts what she has to say.

RavVid · Answer

You were there and you were the appropriate person to rub it in. I think you have to assume she wanted this other guy to do it and the next question is why? I don't think there is a good answer she can make.

strraku · Answer

I can't say it is or it isn't appropriate, but would defntly be fun and it would be real fun arguing your wife afterwards if you really love each other you are just gonna fight and be back on track... so go on rub it have fun and try not to take things furthr

Dinklex3 · Answer

I think that’s weird AF that she asked her friend instead of you?  Any particular reason?

provokeesmokee · Answer

You felt uncomfortable, therefore it's an inappropriate ask. Why didn't she ask you? You and her should talk boundaries - yours included.

Riverdog · Answer

If you as her husband and her friend was busy then I don’t see the issue but I can see why you may feel uncomfortable if he was making flirty comments etc. I think it’s your trust issue if you don’t trust her or him though. Tbh I feel comfortable enough with my best friends husband to put sun cream in my back with out any sexual context at all.

HighValue · Answer

It is valid grounds for divorce in my opinion. She is a cheater. Put your assets in your parents name, including any savings, take her name off any credit cards or cancel them, then divorce her.

IceCreamSandwich · Answer

Oh come on, don't tell me applying sunscreen is sexual now! These rules for what touching is okay and what aren't are way too complicated. It shouldn't be sexual if most people you do it with are by default family and children. That's stupid.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Why would she not ask you? In a situation where you were not around I'd say it was fine, buy to do it infront of you without asking if you could first, I'd be annoyed

Danny_dan92 · Answer

No. There are countless other people that can do that and it isn’t inappropriate or weird.

Here’s another answer for it. If you had a wife, would you like another man putting sunscreen on her? Probably not

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I wouldn’t ask any other man and I wouldn’t want to be touched by any other men other than my partner.

goaded · Answer

I've thought about this for a day or so. Yes, it's appropriate, if she asked him to. You've done nothing wrong. You and your wife can discuss whether she did something "wrong" in private.

Alex117 · Answer

Sure, I do it all the time. The women are my mum and sister.  That response may be a bit disingenuous but truly it’s fine. Just people helping out people.

madhatters4 · Answer

i suppose if no one else is around to do it. but otherwise the spouse or a friend should do it. at it's core putting sunscreen on is not a sexual thing, unless you make it a sexual thing

AndLikeThatHesGone · Answer

She asked this other guy to put lotion on her right in front of you. That's... not good. Did your wife seem to enjoy having this other guy's hands on her?

Alli39 · Answer

I mean it's a bit odd that she asked him instead of you, but it may have just been more convenient in context. But generally, it's not a big deal.

Killsey · Answer

I see nothing wrong with it. Applying sunscreen isn't sexual. You could Make it sexual, but the action itself isn't.

Dinn3r · Answer

I would have felt the same emotions and then some…it’s disrespectful to not know and cross boundaries. It’s more hurtful that it’s coming from your wife. Kinda awkward she put the other person in such a position.

DextroShade · Answer

She blatantly disrespected you by doing that, especially since you were right there and could put the sunscreen on yourself. She shouldn't even be having make friends in the first place! Bro I think you seriously fucked up by marrying this woman!

lightbulb27 · Answer

she's in the wrong. was she getting back at you for something, mad at you? very odd..

Nikki1989 · Answer

Of course, it is fine. My friends and I always put sunscreen on each other when at the beach.

Grovermint · Answer

It's inappropriate. Maybe it's time to discuss what makes you uncomfortable and see if she understands your point of view.

RingOfFire · Answer

"Is it appropriate to put sunscreen on another man’s wife?" That would be N F'N WAY! I would deck the guy if he did that and my wife would be in serious jeopardy of divorce.

Pacquet · Answer

I think many women wouldn’t do this but it’s possible your wife doesn’t think anything of it. You should talk to her and let her know how that makes you feel and set the boundary.

lilBigPotato · Answer

If it's a friend and just her back then I don't see an issue

veganrogue · Answer

As long as he doesn't put his 'sunscreen" IN his wife.

molonski2 · Answer

Completely inappropriate for sure , you are correct to be angry...

Drewtate · Answer

On the back sure but on the butt, tits or thighs no

Shamalien · Answer

Gotta love all these women gaslighting you. Any man would be uncomfortable with this to some degree

artgorgeous · Answer

Of course it is. Imagine his wife is a sister of her brother who applies a sunscreen.

Citizenkirk · Answer

If her husband is preoccupied with putting sunscreen on your wife, than why N🤨T?

jshm2 · Answer

Yeah, you're going to have a heart attack when you understand how favours work, it seems.

elizamichale1 · Answer

My hubby doesn't mind it... often his friends or any other person do tht for mewhen wego out

dannybear · Answer

It is not like s/he took off her top and massaged her abs, shoulders, and boobs, of which, I have done before. Relax man...

noohair · Answer

Those emotions are valid, it is what your caveman brain was telling you. I would probably have that same reaction. And then realize that is was probably innocent.

RealMarek · Answer

I would be upset if some guy put sunscreen on my girlfriend. Inappropriate.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No, it's not. And no, you were not overreacting. If it was my wife, I would divorce her on the spot!

butterly248 · Answer

It is wrong! And look at the number of women who also say it's wrong 😂

Iron_Man · Answer

Heck now she’s better off, asking a stranger a female to do that inappropriate

Is it appropriate to put sunscreen on another man’s wife?

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