Girlfriend feels entitled?

[Anonymous]

I'll try to be as succinct as possible.

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now and I feel like she's really gone downhill. One of my biggest issues with my girlfriend is that she feels entitled to me doing things for her, things that I don't HAVE to do.

This is very infuriating. It's so great when you do something for someone out of the kindness of your heart and they are appreciative of that, but when the person feels like you owe them this or that you're just "supposed to do that", then things fall apart.

Me and my girlfriend have been doing an old fashion courtship. We don't plan on having sex until we are married. My girlfriend is firm on not doing anything before marriage, which I respect, but she is insists that I purchase things for her (spend a lot of money on her to buy almost whatever she wants/needs). In the beginning it was great because I wanted to do those things out of love for her, but now she's over reached and now gets really upset and ignores me whenever I don't get her something.

I told her that if sex is off the table until marriage, then we spending a lot of money on you like you're wife is too (I never said I would stop paying for things, just slowing down on the over the top stuff. I've told her that she isn't my responsibility but she says that's not the same and fights me on it.

Anywho, there are other cracks beginning to show in the relationship and I hate to say it but dealing with her is kind of becoming unbearable. It's really sad because I feel like I messed things up by doing too much for her in the beginning instead of pacing things. Now she feels like I owe her something when she doesn't do anything for me. Some days I feel like knowing her is a net negative to my life.

What do you think that I should do? I'm really at my wits end here. Feel free to ask questions.

P. S another random thing is that she told me that she wants me to always text her good morning... but she doesn't even read or respond to the messages

[Anonymous]

If a courtship leads to marriage, it was successful. If a courtship leads to breaking up, it was successful. There are cracks showing up in the relationship. That’s a good thing! The courtship is running its course and showing you that this woman may not be the one you should marry. You don’t owe her anything, especially not a ring.

[Asker]

I never thought of it that way. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. You're very much right, I don't owe her anything. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the situation :)

[Opinion Owner]

Of course! 😊

[slatyb]

Not necessarily. Many marriages are not successful, and a courtship leading to an unhappy marriage wasn't successful either.

[Asker]

@slatyb You are very much right. Especially in my case. It's wishful thinking for me to believe that once we're married, things will be different. People often times don't change. We can make it through this phase and then land with me being unhappy with her everyday.

[Opinion Owner]

@slatyb You’re absolutely right, but a courtship only has one goal, to determine if a relationship is worth progressing towards marriage. A courtship can’t determine the outcome of a marriage 1, 5 or even 10 years down the line because people change over time.

[Sorrento-Sun]

She sounds very controlling. I'd walk away from a guy if he was demanding like this. The relationship will most likely become toxic and abusive in the future. Everything seems to be about her. One-sided relationship.

[Asker]

It does sound very controlling. I never thought of it that way. I think it may stem from some insecurities that she has. I don't think that I should say in this relationship any longer. I've tried to talk to her about these issues but she just refuses to budge and just claims that I'm the issue. She's changed one or two things for me but is quick to accuse me of things and say that I'm trouble.

[Sorrento-Sun]

Yeah, it will be due to insecurities. We all have them. But if someone's insecurities are the cause of their controlling behavior and lack of control over their emotions, the relationship will become toxic , miserable, abusive and unfullfilling. Which will become detrimental to your own mental state.

Every relationship needs to be worked at. Compromises are needed at times. But if a person isn't willing to change their controlling behavior, regardless of their reasons, they are wanting you to be subodrinate to them at a cost to your own mental and emotional state. No one is worth jeopardising your mental health over.

There's red flags. Trust me when i say... don't ignore them. I'm speaking from experience. Being in a controlling relationship with an insecure person quickly goes from soulmate to "cellmate"

[Asker]

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I really appreciate your input. Everything that you are saying is hitting the nail on the head. I think that I can relate to the toxic part and things not always feeling fulfilling. I find myself thinking about the relationship a lot and it's not good things which is sad. These are red flags. I don't want a cell mate :/

[slatyb]

What should you do? You should be happy you aren't married to her, end this relationship, and meet some other women.

[Asker]

That's the wildest thing. She feels like I owe her something but she isn't giving me anything. If we were married, I would at least have full access to her (sex included), but without that, things feel very much one sided. She says things I don't want to hear, does things I don't want her to do, and gives me an attitude and ignores me when things don't go her way. Anytime I tell her an issue that I have with the relationship, I'm the issue. You are very much right. These are grounds for a relationship to end. Thank you so much.

[slatyb]

"If we were married, I would at least have full access to her (sex included)" No, you wouldn't. That's now how marriage works.

[Asker]

You're right again :(

[slatyb]

I know this from sad experience. Just end this so you can meet someone capable of giving love.

[Asker]

That's what I want... I've felt like this with for her for about 4 months now. I want to be with someone that's like me. Very loving, caring, and affectionate and won't treat me bad. I'm sorry to hear that you had to learn that the hard way. I wish you nothing but the best in the future my friend. God bless you