Do you ever feel like you're much too unattractive to ever find a romantic partner? Have you ever decided that it's not worth trying to do so anymore?

[Anonymous]

Instead you may focus on improving your career and hobbies and taking care of your parents and siblings. For many people physical appearance is much too difficult to change and the return on investment in attempting to change your appearance seems very low. One might say that you can find a partner who will look beyond your appearance but that's like searching for a needle in a haystack if you are very much below average in looks. Again the return on investment in spending so much time looking for a partner is low for someone who has to work so hard to earn a living.

[Anonymous]

I feel that way. I'm in a relationship right now but if it doesn't work out I won't bother again. Being ugly in a relationship means knowing you're the last option but pretend it doesn't matter, someone out there is always prettier than you right? (Cope) never being complimented or seduced, doing all the work and tolerate it or leave and much more things... You can't voice anything because it's not like in a "normal" relationship where you can say you don't feel loved enough or something. You don't actually have value so it doesn't matter. It's I already have to accept your ugliness, take what I will give you or leave. It is the price to pay for a crumb of love and company. As pathetic as it sounds most ugly people will choose that over loneliness because a lonely and loveless life is that hard. But personally if I get single again I might choose the lonely life because being in a relationship while being ugly stings more in the end, for not that much benefit. If you can manage to make peace with how your world is when you are ugly you find some things to enjoy without the love of others. It's really hard but I'm sure it can be worth it in the end

[Anonymous]

You can see unattractive people in a relationship basically everywhere you look. If someone has great personality, hard working, isn't a bum, honest, smart, kind, family oriented, it isn’t impossible for them to find someone even if they think they’re unattractive. Now if they only want supermodel looking partners then thats a different story. Not saying they should look for an ugly partner, but dont be delusional either.

[Asker]

I hear so much of this that you should have a good personality, be hardworking, responsible etc. I am an engineer and I am a classical mandolinist. I earn a very good income for my age (I will be 25 next month). None of the women I have asked out were very beautiful. Most were below average looking and all were people I already knew well enough. I feel bad about even talking to them now thinking I've tainted my own reputation by asking them out given how disgusted they seemed at it. Now I feel like it isn't even worth the risk if I have to stay friends with everyone in my social circle. I think when I'm in my 30s there might be older women who will be willing to "settle down" with a man like me because I am hardworking and earn well. But I don't think it's possible for me to have a relationship in my 20s because of how I look.

[Opinion Owner]

Why do you believe you’re unattractive? Is it the features, height, weight, personality? Do you work on improving yourself/your appearance? Not only to feel attractive but to feel more confident.

Anyway, this might sound like bs but you just haven't met the girl. I wouldn’t give up on finding someone, but i’d only ask a girl out if it felt right, there is connection, and you’re genuinely interested in the person, not for the sake of being with someone.. and im not saying this is you, but i know guys who aren't getting girls and it just becomes obvious that they’re desperate and that look would be all over them and no woman wants that.

For what its worth, now im not saying im a 10/10 (at all), but my boyfriend now is not my usual type, initially i didn't find him attractive, but when we met we had insane connection and overall i find his personality everything i want in a guy. I kept hanging out with him and eventually found myself falling hard and now im crazy about him and basically the first guy I've loved. He is 25 and im 23.

Im just saying focus more on finding a connection than anything else when looking for a girl.

[Asker]

"Why do you believe you’re unattractive?"
I would say it is mostly because of my height. I didn't know this when I was younger but now I seem to realize that the pool of women who would find me attractive is very small. You may disagree with me and I may be completely wrong about this. But I do feel that being short would be a total deal breaker for many women. My height is 163 cm. The average female height in my country is around 155 cm. I don't want to sound insecure. Even if I do please bear with me. I am just trying to be completely objective so I don't do anything unreasonable. My face isn't even ugly, it's like average. My brother-in-law is also around my height. And he too never had a relationship before his marriage at 30 years of age. I think ultimately this is what will happen to me as well. I should probably just accept that instead of being desperate to have a girlfriend while I'm still young. I do want to find a partner who has something in common with me. But if I have such standards I might be removing so many other women who I might like even though they don't have the same hobbies and interests as me.

When I hear people on this forum say "confidence" and "personality" I think what they really mean is someone who is gregarious and can make people laugh. I cannot be those things. If I try it just looks stupid and pretentious. Most of the time I'm very tired and people can see it in my eyes. I leave work at 7:30 pm usually and outside of that I try to find time for my music and open source work.

About changing my physical appearance, I am spending money on dentures, gym, consultation with a hair stylist. I am doing these things without any clear picture of what the results might be. I may go from a 2/10 to a 4/10 after a year or so. But is that worth the investment? All the time I spend in gym could be spent on music. People might just think that I'm a superficial and desperate person trying to change how I look.

[Opinion Owner]

Even if that is your height there are still a lot of other things you can work on. Especially if you have an average face. Which seems like you do work on yourself though. I wouldn’t stop doing it because you think it makes you look desperate, i dont think it does. Everyone wants to look their best self. If you dont wanna do it for girls, do it for yourself. As much as i hate to say it, yeah it is common for girls to “settle down” when they reach a certain age, but from what im hearing you deserve better than that. Im curious, where do you usually try to meet new people? That’s important too.

Having a standard for finding someone you have in common with is reasonable. You should be with someone you can connect with in most, if not every, level. Although personally its okay to not have the same hobbies or interests, as long as you have the same values, humor, goals, etc, it is still the most important. If you have different hobbies it just means both could give new experiences to the other person.

You dont have to try to be someone you're not because you're right it makes someone look stupid, just be yourself. You dont have to the the life of the party to catch someone’s attention.

Honestly the advice i can give you is to keep focusing on yourself, as cliche as that sounds, keep getting better, but dont close yourself off to meeting someone. Its always worth the investment if its for you. Going to the gym, improving yourself isn't superficial if you have the right reasons. People do that all the time and i think down the road its what makes them happy and less about meeting someone.

Meeting someone sort of just naturally happens. You know when they say you meet someone at the most unexpected time whatsoever, is actually true.

[Asker]

I don't really meet new people like talking to a stranger in a pub or a restaurant. That comes off as very bad manners in my country because we are very conservative compared to the Western world. The women I've tried asking out are people I am already in talking terms with: girls from my university, my band, my friend's bands, my workplace. That last part I know I shouldn't have done. I feel like I'll build a terrible reputation if I keep asking more women in my social circle. Most women seem surprised (in a negative way) that I'm asking them out. It's like they never expected me to. Before they used to think of me as this "good kid", now they just think I'm some desperate creep.

In my final two semesters of college I was doing all of my projects and seminars with a very attractive girl and a friend of hers. This girl obviously knew I was attracted to her but didn't try to chase me off, rather she let me stay and do 90 percent of the work in our projects while she and her friend would talk about K-Pop all the while. I feel that many women don't think of me as a "real man" who can have desires, rather as some eunuch or something along those lines. As a result they don't view me as a threat unless I really cross the line and tell them I am attracted to them.

I know I will eventually get married when I'm in my early 30s (like what happened with my brother-in-law), but there is the fear of missing out that comes from seeing my friends and colleagues being in relationships in their 20s. If I can convince myself that it's okay to be single until a late marriage I would stop caring.

I am also not trying to change my appearance for myself. I'm just doing it for girls. If I could magically get a girlfriend I would stop going to gym. I already have so many things to worry about regarding my family, my music and my career.

[aficionado]

I have felt like that my whole life. But trust me when I say this, it is highly likely that you will unexpectedly find someone when you stop looking.

I had pretty much given up on finding someone, and was carrying on with my life - focusing on career, Hobbies, workouts etc. just like you mentioned. Although I was 'sort of' enjoying my life, there was always this void deep within.

But then, I accidentally happened to meet someone who I didn't even think of as a potential partner because back then, she was way above my league at least physically (maybe she still is, but I don't think of her that way anymore because we consider ourselves equal). One thing led to another, and we have been happily married for over 2 years now. Looks don't matter anymore, and when I think of how hopelessly unattractive I 'thought' I was back then, I just laugh it off. I still don't know how on earth I managed to land someone like my wife, but then again I am living proof that physical attractiveness doesn't matter as much as we 'think' they do in the grander scheme of things (although they do matter to some extent). Also, we are usually our biggest critics anyway.

[Asker]

Not to be judgmental, but from your photograph you're not even unattractive. You're clearly above average. Why do you think you're unattractive? How tall are you if I may ask?

[aficionado]

Like I mentioned, we are our biggest critics! And I was quite overweight a few years back. The picture is a fairly recent one, and I have been working out semi regularly for the past year or so (which may have improved my appearance a bit).
I am only 170 cms, and by Australian standards I am definitely very short. I didn't mind women taller than me, but my wife happens to be pretty short too (she's 158 cms) so she didn't really mind my height.

[Bricealan]

My good man, I think your focus is a bit misdirected, and that everyone can and will find a romantic partner. You must understand that many, many persons, men and women alike feel the same as what you expressed. @Nikki1989 below, put it in a nutshell for you in her single line: "Nope. You can beat any challenge with the right amount of confidence" No one is ever just 'not attractive' Everyone has some attractive features.

Remember that, and try to focus on you attractive features, and your physique, and don't dwell on the negative.

[Anonymous]

Feeling like i'm much too attractive? Can't say I've ever been saddled with that problem. 🤣

But yes I have at times come to the conclusion that what is out there simply isn't worth dating. I honestly believe most women today do not want relationships. They want tribute. They want what they want when they want it and if they don't get that you can f*** off, and they'll try on another guy. What guy would sign on for that? Relationships are give and take. Not "just give and she takes". 🤣

[serious]

Feeling? I never waste my time on feelings.

No, I know I am very attractive and I know my personality is very good too. Hence both the aspects of mine are very good.

However, the fact is I have always been single and wish to single for life so I never want a romantic partner.

[Lokiion]

Never felt that way nor had any problems with women either way everyone is attractive to be honest all you need is a lot of water like a gallon a skin care routine workout at least 3 times a week or at least stat in decent shape and other basic hygiene like oral and stuff also just finding a clothing style that looks best on you

[sheenagwapa]

no i don't... even if let's say i'm ugly i can still find a partner

[Nikki1989]

Nope. You can beat any challenge with the right amount of confidence.

[Spongebobssocks]

Loll yup.. but despite being ugly I've had men show intresst in me so I think its easier to be ugly as a woman

[lightbulb27]

Yea or just not good enough. The problem is not the mirror… its the one looking at the mirror

[Anonymous]

Appearance


Charisma


Personality


Sense of Humor


is how you easily get a girlfriend, appearance is only one part

[inhua]

it's also the first part and everything else comes second

just like most car buyers want a car with good enough outside aesthetics first before considering the price, fuel capacity, fuel economy, mileage, functionality etc.

[Anonymous]

No I am just too stupid.

[RoosterBreast]

I might agree with you but I have to ask, what is a partner?

[Anonymous]

I'm cute AF