Girls, Should I ask if she wants me to stop texting her?

[ProbablyClueless]

So here's the situation, basically this girl and I started talking platonically online. We're both pretty bad texters. We spoke for about a year until we met in person. We had two fantastic dates where she expressed desire to have a relationship with me.

In the time since those dates, she told me that she doesn't want a long distance relationship but has said she wants us to contact each other if we are ever in each other's area. The communication has totally died to the point that she doesn't respond to my incredibly occasional texts. I recently graduated from law school and she couldn't even be bothered to send me a congratulations text when I told her.

There's bad communication and then there's this... this is just pathetic and insulting.

Part of me wants to call her out on this and ask if she wants me to stop texting entirely, the other part thinks I should just assume she wants me to piss off and just let things go.

Ask her, but don't be surprised when you burn the bridge entirely

Ask her. The bridge is already burnt

Just let it go. Something might change in the future, even though it probably won't

Just let it go. There's no point in adding to the animosity.

Updates

8 mo

Whoops! I forgot to include an extremely important detail; my bad. We talked about the possibility of me moving down to her city after I graduated. That's the reason we would still be in touch. There was a clearly defined time when we wouldn't be long distance anymore.

[HollyK21]

I say this kindly, but why do you need to ask her when she’s showing you she doesn’t want to talk with her actions? Like sure we can say it’s rude for her not to respond, but at the same time, you made the choice to send occasional text after text even after she didn’t respond the first time or two.


On top of that, communication works both ways, so if I were you, I’d feel like her not reaching out is very telling. So at this point, even though it’s probably disappointing I think it’s safe to assume her offer to contact one another when either of you are in town was just a consolation prize. Either that or she thought better of it because to an extent, it’s still doing the LDR thing, which she’s said she doesn’t want any parts of.


If I were you, I would just let her go and move on. She has your information, so if she wants to reach out you’d be perfectly validated in ignoring her as well. But you don’t need her closure, no need to call her out or anything like that because you already have your answer.

[ProbablyClueless]

Whoops! I forgot to include an extremely important detail; my bad. We talked about the possibility of me moving down to her city after I graduated. That's the reason we would still be in touch.

[HollyK21]

While that is an important detail, I think it’s lost it’s relevancy, only because since then not only has she ignored you but made no effort to reach out as well. I don't know maybe in your mind it’s like things would be different if you lived closer, and you’re trying to maintain contact due to that possibility. There was probably a great connection between you two that you have hesitated letting go of. Keep in mind though, all that future planning was just a fantasy, and you’ve become attached to the potential. Nothing would be wrong with that if there was mutual communication, but her lack of effort shows where she stands at this point in time. If you’re bummed out by that — don’t be, as you don’t lose anyone who isn’t afraid of losing you as well.

[ProbablyClueless]

I feel ya... thanks for sharing your thoughts! I guess I'm just a little shocked that this is even an issue. I'm not bummed, per se, but I am surprised. I basically put up with this behavior because I was in school, but now that I'm done, I'm just kinda looking at this girl wondering what the hell she's thinking.

[HollyK21]

I was in an LDR situationship in my early 20s, and given that experience I can kinda see where she’s coming from. Simply put — that sort of arrangement isn’t made for everyone, and while yes there’s the possibility of you moving, you still have to get to that point and until then it’s all speculative on her end. Not a solid thing to look forward to, and since LDRs are meant to be a short-term arrangement, without a silver lining it’s too draining. Its possible that when you agreed to maintain contact it was something she she genuinely wanted, but in reality it would only complicate things. Stepping back from what you two had was the healthiest thing for her, and I think you’d be best served not looking too deeply into it. So for now, I’d say let her come to you, and focus on yourself in the mean time.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's definitely speculative, but not communicating like that also makes it really hard for me to have an incentive to move down to her.

So, I do get where she's coming from, but I wish she'd also understand where I'm coming from, that relationships require a degree of investment. The only way you know it will fail is if the people involved stop trying.

[HollyK21]

I don’t think she’s concerned with giving you incentive anymore, that’s the thing. This woman isn’t responding or reaching out, after previously having told you she doesn’t want to do the LDR situation. I feel like you’re fixated (no offense with that word) on the conversation you two had about you moving closer, but a lot has happened since then. She isn’t asking you to chase her or to keep trying, her message is loud and clear. I’m sorry that you’re finding this all so shocking, but at this point it just is what it is. You should move on from her and place your focus elsewhere. It isn’t giving up or failing, it’s respecting her decision.

[ProbablyClueless]

So, out of curiosity, if this is how she feels, why even bother leaving the lines of communication open? She can't be bothered to respond and we live so far apart. Why not just block me?

[HollyK21]

This is just my speculation, so take it with a grain of salt, it doesn’t mean that’s specifically how she’s feeling. I’m just drawing this conclusion from the fact that she isn’t reaching out, not responding, and said she doesn’t want an LDR situation, to me all of this is a very clear message, not much explanation needed. As for the blocking, I don’t know about you but for me, I only do that if I’m like mad or have an issue with someone, otherwise it’s a drastic move. She doesn’t have any hostility towards you, no problem or ill will, she just isn’t interested in maintaining contact. If you really liked her then I’m sure to some extent this is disappointing, but what can you do, you know? If she doesn’t wanna talk, then you just have to respect it.

[ProbablyClueless]

She actually just blocked me, but I didn't ask her about communication stuff at all (or even blow her phone up at all lol). I guess that's closure, of sorts. This was such a weird situation. In a way, I'm kinda glad to have the clarity, even if I don't understand why I was treated the way I was treated.

It's possible that she and I will reconnect in the future, but I'm not going to have any trouble moving on for now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[HollyK21]

Oh man, I guess that’s that then😕 but your attitude about it is the right one, I’m glad you can move on from this situation in the healthiest way possible. Wishing you luck going forward!

[ProbablyClueless]

Thanks! Oh man is right, but like I said; this was a weird situation, so I can't say that I'm surprised I got blocked. I wish she would have just felt comfortable telling me what was up, instead of shutting down the way she did. It's pretty clear that whatever our previous interactions were based on wasn't real, so I'm glad it's over, in that sense. I'm definitely curious about what happened though.

[HollyK21]

I definitely agree, she could’ve handled this much better, but I guess for some people it’s easier said than done. Like personally when it came to even minor confrontation, I had the hardest time doing that and beat around the bush a lot. If she has a similar coping style then ignoring and blocking you was her being avoidant. All I can figure is that in her mind, telling you she didn’t want an LDR was enough, but even then, she didn’t have to say what she said about visiting each other. I’m sure that your past interactions were real on her behalf at some point, it’s just that somewhere down the road it stopped working. Sorry it had to happen like this, but at least now you know exactly where she stands and don’t have to wonder if you didn’t do enough or have any guilt. Your hands are clean.

[Blazingstar2105]

There's plenty of fish in the sea. I would let her go and pursue something closer who actually wants a relationship. If this is how it is starting off I promise you it isn't meant to be. I know how easy it is to get hooked on someone. But I am a firm believer that if it is meant to be it shouldn't be that hard. This spoken from someone who has literally experienced sparks and love at first sight--- your person should just make you happy ---- they should make you feel undeniably wanted. If she isn't giving you that she isn't worth your time. Go find someone who gives you that feeling. You're worth it.

[ProbablyClueless]

That's kinda the thing... it really didn't start off this way. everything was going well, for that first year. There were sparks, there seemed to a fantastic connection at first. Everything went on ice after that though. It's tough to mourn the loss of a relationship that I didn't actually have lol

[Unknown8264]

I can totally understand u

[Flower7]

Just stop texting her. She’s not interested in dating you because you live too far away.

[Aphrodite801]

😂😂😂