I do everything for my boyfriend and he does nothing for me. We’re having a family and I’m depressed? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my boyfriend a while and we recently moved in together as we’re expecting in November a baby boy. From living with him I’ve just noticed that I do EVEYRYTHING, I order the food, I clean the house, I do his washing I pay most the bills and he does nothing and can barley get up for work all he does is smoke in the house and leave his dirty washing and I love him a lot even just writing this while looking at him sleeping lol. But I get sad because I am pregnant and I just want to be taken out for a nice meal or even get presents or pampered but he does none of that. I love doing things for people but he does nothing for me. I feel like I’m going to be raising two boys not just 1. He also expects me to do all the shopping and he does not even work he just plays the PlayStation all day. Before everyone asks why we were together was because he was nice and funny and attractive but living with him I’ve seen a different side he’s not horrible but he dosent do much for me. Am I wrong for feeling this way. I like doing things for people and playing housewife but he’s doing nothing.

[MrOracle]

I understand that you have feelings for this guy, but set your feelings aside for a moment. The harsh reality is that he's a worthless shitbag, and certainly not worth being in a relationship with, and definitely not the kind of guy you should be creating a child with. Unfortunately, you got with him, and have stayed with him, strictly based on your feelings for him. But feelings are an extremely unreliable way to choose a partner, ESPECIALLY one you could reproduce with.

Now you have some extremely difficult decisions to make - decisions that are going to have a huge impact on the rest of your life. Honestly, the best set of lousy options might be to give the child up for adoption and get rid of your boyfriend, and start over. Trying to be a single mother would be insanely difficult, and not great for the kid, and staying with this guy would be even worse - being with him is like trying swim with a big rock tied to your foot - you will always be in danger of drowning.

When anyone picks a partner strictly based on feelings, it's almost always a disaster, because your feelings don't care if they're lazy, irresponsible, or unreasonable. That's why you need to use logic instead of feelings, and why you need to vet them over time. Anyone can pretend to be great for a couple of months - you need to give things time and you need to look into their past, and if you discover red flags, you need to address those right away, and if you don't see positive signs of change over time, then you move on. Your feelings must be secondary, because your feelings have no problem betraying you - as you have learned the hardest way.

I wish you the best of luck, but please be realistic about your situation and act quickly - you don't have time to waste.

[CurrentJohn]

How could you be wrong for feeling that way? In a relationship both partners have to put in effort and when I read what you wrote, then it seems he is just leeching off of you. I don`t want to sound harsh or condemning but why did you have a child together before even moving in with each other? Normally you should first move in and live with each other for at least a year or two to see if you actually harmonize.

You bypassed that step and went from dating to having a child and now you just realized after moving in with him that he is actually not the guy/father you hoped he would be. That can end in a very frustrating relationship. All you can do now is to have a proper conversation with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you want him to search for a job and or help out in household cores, that you are his girlfriend/wife and not his mother. And if he doesn`t listen and does not want to change, there is nothing you can do about it but either endure it or break up.

I know that is not what you want to hear but that is kind of the situation you are in.

[Anonymous]

i wish you would have at least waited to have sex so you didn't get pregnant accidentally. i'm sure that wasn't planed. i wish you would have picked a better guy or at least were more aware of how much of a deadbeat he was. you are fixing to be a single mom soon because someone is not ready to grow up. you are now a mother to TWO boys actually... what an awful man - wait, sorry, what an awful boy. have you even talked to him about this? it seems like you two aren't compatible at all. you want to be pampered yet he sits on his ass. a relationship cannot last on "he's nice, funny, and attractive"...

so, communicate with him. but i doubt he'll change. you're going to be so tired once the baby is born. you will burn yourself out doing every thing. i doubt he'll lift a finger.

my partner would never treat me like this. he even still opens the car door for me! please find someone who will treat you better... this guy ain't it

[Anonymous]

I feel really sorry for you girl. He is really not being fair to you by behaving that way. During pregnancy, what matters the most is your baby daddy's care, support and love. He is not providing you that clearly. But I think you should firstly communicate with him once very clearly how you are feeling. Too much of stress in this period can harm the baby. If he doesn't understand you and your feelings after conversation then you should go to your parents if possible.

[coachTanthony]

Why did you choose a man and allow him to enter you and impregnate you that does nothing for you?

[blueonblack22]

If he’s not paying the bills when you are doing all the work he’s a deadbeat. I know this is very hard given you are expecting.

If you weren’t pregnant I would tell you to give him an ultimatum and he doesn’t get his shit together then leave. But with the kid I see the huge complication here.

Get professional help on what to about this. If he can’t pay the bills now then how about when your kid is born and you see on maternity leave?

I hate guys like this. It’s one thing if he is going through a depression phase or something traumatic (that happens to most guys). Quite another if he’s just lazy. Especially if he’s going to be a father.

But also I think some women think they can “change him” which makes the guy “a challenge”. They like the doing the work to build him to do they can be his savior. That’s not your job. And again if it was legitimate issue with trauma/depression that’s one thing. But if he’s always been this way he needs a rude awakening to man up. It’s bullshit.

[blueonblack22]

Does even have a full time job? He should be working his ass off right in expectation of the child.

[Miristheiss]

I've done everything for you... YOU'VE done nothing for me

I've done everything for you... YOU'VE done nothing for me

You've done nothing for me

You've done nothing for me

Oh, the Rick Springfield song is playing in my head. You should check it out.

Talk to him about it. Have a calm rational talk and you two need to express you expectations and ask him politely if he can help you out more in some areas. Not in a, YOU ARE BAD, I am entitled to this, you will do this or you are a bad person way, but rather in a "this would help me out so much and I'd be so thankful way and I really need you right now, way.

[Anonymous]

This is the guy you chose as a father and partner for the next 20 years? Sounds like he's used to living with his mum. You're going to have to encourage him to get with the programme now, and train him up. I hope he's got a reasonable job, sounds like he's going to need it.

[Reem12345reem]

how do u expect him to provide for your child when he can't provide for u? He'll probably cheat so prepare mentally for that (if u choose to stay) bc he's attractive and he doesn't care and he doesn't do anything

[Peter_Penetrator]

Sounds like y’all are married already.


How long does he want to wait for marriage? You may have to postpone until he gets his shit together.

[Wonderingguyy]

You need to talk about this with him. That is literally the only way to encourage him to change his behaviour. He needs to be fully be aware of his behaviours and your feelings to work on himself.

[ProbablyClueless]

You aren't wrong for feeling that way at all. Lots of women got extremely resentful about the exact situation you're describing.

[HateyouxD]

It doesn't get any fucking better I can tell you that much. Cause this is my situation 100%

[Grovermint]

Sounds like you chose wrong. Either bring it up to him with an ultimatum or be prepared to dump him and get the government involved with child support. You chose a man child.

[XXblack88]

Your boyfriend needs a reality check if he's old enough to get you pregnant he's old enough to step it up and help out.

[Sparkie460]

He doesn't have a job? Are you doing all that and working?

[Asker]

No I’m on maternity leave now

[Sparkie460]

How are you surviving if he doesn't have a job? He sounds like a lazy man. He won your heart and now he's got the maid he needed

[Asker]

Well I get quite a bit from my maternity pay and my family help me out and sometimes he helps out also as he has savings

[Sparkie460]

He needs to get out and get a real job. He has a child coming. He should be supporting you two and soon, the baby.

[KrakenAttackin]

He's a Chad Thundercock with options, of course he does nothing.

[DextroShade]

You got pregnant by a man who is a loser that can't provide for you, you really fucked up.

[Staximus]

Tell him this is a team effort and to get to of his ass and help you with something

[jimmy2]

Not at all
Tell him how you feel
If he won't listen to you then plug your hole for a week or so

[Cheerfull009]

He is using you as housemaid, not as wife, because you are pregnant, he knows that you cannot runaway

[Anonymous]

Why would you have a kid with him? All you can now is tell him to get his together and hope he listens.

[Jmmmfi4]

You're dating a child

[Aphrodite801]

Lol troll better

[Asker]

It Makes me laugh that you think I’m trolling. No my life is just that chaotic it seems unreal.