If you aren’t willing to wait as long as it takes for sex in a relationship that means you don’t really love your partner. Agree or disagree?

[Still-alive]

I saw a post on here saying something like this but I can’t find it. So no matter how long it takes before sex happens if your partner isn’t willing to wait that long that means they really don’t love you. It could be on the first date or a year or longer from now. Agree or disagree?

and follow up, how long are you willing to wait for sex in a relationship?

Yes I completely agree. If your partner isn’t willing to wait as long as it takes before sex happens that means they really don’t love you

I somewhat agree. It depends on just how long. After a year it might be too long

I disagree. Sex should be part of the equation to be loved

I strongly disagree. In fact i think the opposite if they aren’t willing to give me sex after some time i feel like they don’t really love me

[SakuraBlossoms87]

Of course. If a person can't wait a month or few months for sex - getting to know each other, etc. - then they certainly don't love you and they certainly are not worth wasting time on. They are merely interested in cheap quick easy sex and have no intentions of anything serious.

This is why most relationships - from dating to marriage - fail in western society nowadays. Particularly America.

You people rush into things without much thought. I have heard friends & colleagues getting married to people they may have known for a year or less and think to myself... they're nothing but friends with benefits after a year of knowing each other... and ironically ALL of those marriages didn't last.

[Still-alive]

Ok months I understand. What about years?

[SakuraBlossoms87]

Sex isn't everything. That's something people who have little value to offer in a relationship except sex don't understand.

[Still-alive]

These are things that should be discussed at the very beginning of the relationship just in case

[SakuraBlossoms87]

No. You can't predict life. If someone happens to go on medication that decreases their libidio or undergoes chemo for suddenly discovered cancer are you going to blame them for the fact you can't get off?

[Still-alive]

No of course not but you’re taking things to extremes here.

Im just advocating for good communication here especially in the beginning. Youd agree thats a good thing right? We should all know what we are getting into before committing long term

[SakuraBlossoms87]

Of course good communication is essential but most people nowadays can barely communicate properly at work so forget them communicating properly in a relationship.

[GOLDFISH_smile]

It depends what ur different desires/goals are in a relationship. I could be fine never having sex, but for my husband it's important in a relationship. Not the most important, not even super important, and he was willing to wait for us. But sex is part of a romantic relationship for him. He couldn't be with someone indefinitely without sex being part of the equation, at least at a certain land mark in the future. Like after 1 year, or after reaching the "I love you" stage, or after getting married.

I think that's reasonable. It doesn't mean you don't love someone if you have different goal of a relationship than them. I wouldn't be with someone who never wanted kids or even who wasn't sure if they wanted kids, bc kids were one of my important goals in a relationship. It's just important to be clear about what you want and how important it is to you, so you don't end up leading them on and they don't end up leading you on even by accident.

[Nifrayu]

If you had asked me before I lost my virginity at age 23 I would have said I was waiting for marriage. But my conviction on that dissolved when I fell in love for the first time. Sex was important to her and I wanted to make her happy. So I decided not to make her wait that long. It started out as a long distance relationship. She lived about a 4 hour drive away. I drove to spend a weekend with her and I gave her my virginity on the first night I was there.

I had mixed feelings about it. But thinking about it now, I don't regret it at all.

All I can say is if you are not comfortable with it, don't do it. If you want to wait, then wait. If you're partner wants to wait, then you should either wait with them or move on.

[slatyb]

I don't worry about whether someone loves me. I can never know what they feel. All I know is how they behave and how I feel. If I were dating a woman and she wasn't wanting sex after a couple of months I would conclude that we are sexually incompatible.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes…

For example, the last men I went on dates with, wanted to get intimate as soon as possible.

I disliked that.

[loveslongnails]

I would like to answer with a brief story. Let me know if you think it's truth or fiction.

A hetero couple each around 30 years of age, date for 3 months seeing each other on most weekends and maybe once mid-week. Things are going great, and sex has never been a huge topic, but touched on occasionally. The male asks about it, and the female says she'd like to wait a bit longer. Three more months go by, and he brings it up again, same response but she adds "I want to be sure we're in this for the long term". He says he is and will wait.

Four more months go by, and the male asks again if she's ready. She declines and says "I promised myself I'd wait a year with my next guy, please let me have that". The word "LOVE" is mentioned, as in "do we really love each other". So, he waits. Two more months pass, and he asks again, but she's still hesitant. "I've done what you asked", he says, "is that not enough?"

A few days later she relents and agrees to have sex. Afterwards, they are both disturbed about a few things. She says, "You seemed over excited and inattentive to my needs, and you ejaculated too quickly". He says, " You mostly just laid there, initiated nothing, and seemed really bored. but I was indeed excited to finally be doing this".

The two were so profoundly upset by this, they agreed it would be best to part ways. An entire year had passed, and whatever other things they built in the relationship were not enough to make either want to try the fix the sex part. Both felt like they had "wasted" a year of their lives with the "wrong person". Fact, or fiction?

[xKayTea]

At first I was going to agree, but giving it some thought, sex is quite high on the hierarchy of needs, and sexual compatibility in a relationship is insanely important.

It also depends, if the guy is expecting sex on a first date, then its a redflag if he has a hissy fit that you won't sleep with him, but if you've been together a year and nothing? I think it would be time to call it quits and decide you have different libidos, aspirations and are sexually incompatible.

[Still-alive]

Yeah like i told another user i think this is one of those very important things people should discuss with their partners in the beginning of the relationship. good communication so everyone knows what they are getting into.

[xKayTea]

Yeah communication is a must, it is common sense, yet a lot of adult relationships seem to lack it lol?

[Still-alive]

yeah that does suck huh? and like everything else in life practice makes perfect. one may suck at it in the beginning but if you keep at it eventually you should be able to express perfectly your expectations, boundaries, etc so the other person understands. I feel pretty good about communicating them myself i just need the other person to listen carefully to them. i think getting the other person to listen is the trickier part for me now.

Communication now my most vital trait i need before getting into a long term relationship.

[sheenagwapa]

if i say yes to be a girlfriend... then sex follows that's the clue. me beinh a girlfriend now is not like before i can say after one hour, 30 minutes who knows if i feel you then i feel you. i want someone who js loyal and comitted type so once i am in expect that i sm in for good. yoy have my word. be lotal to me and i will be loyal to yoy.

[LiamJHayden]

I agree with this caveat: if the people are married, then withholding except with a good reason (medical, the other cheated, stuff like that) is manipulative and shows that the partner withholding is the one who does not love.

[Still-alive]

Interesting. @Ninania what do you think?

[menina]

I absolutely agree with it. If they're not willing to wait, that means they just want to use you. They just want your body and nothing else.

In my case, I think I would rather wait like 8 or 9 months since I've never had sex.

[Psyduck98]

It's all about respect towards the other person and having a deep bond. The relationship doesn't need sex to live in fact it shouldn't need it. It's just a very awesome bonus. The biggest difference between friendship and a SO (significant other) is attraction. Your SO, in my mind, is just your best friend that you find attractive and you wouldn't want to disrespect your friend or do something on purpose to hurt them.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think both couples should come together and discuss this matter and be opened about this matter also the couple should have complete opened communication concerning this matter too.

[Catarine]

Agree, we waited 8 months before I lost my V-card, though it would have been 6 months if I didn't stop it from hurting so much. It shows you care about your partner

[BoobMan]

What exactly are we supposed to be waiting FOR?

[Still-alive]

Until your partner feels ready/comfortable enough with you to have sex

[BoobMan]

Ah okay. Sure--no one should have sex before they feel ready. But I'd argue there's no love before they feel ready either.

[Chthou95]

Fuck that. Why would a woman make a man wait yet previously let men before him get sex right away? What did they have right off the bat that this man has to wait? She makes rules for one man but breaks the rules for the others

[Catarine]

Aren't men the ones who hate too big body count. If a woman lets a man have sex with her without being sure she wants to be in a commited relationship with him her body count will be big for no good reason

[Chthou95]

@Catarine If you have over 2 then it's too high. But that doesn't negate the fact that she has you waiting yet let another get it quicker. You will compare yourself and wonder why she gave it away quicker to someone else but with you, its waiting. And there's ni gurantee the man will stay. Women do evaluations but we all know they're shit at it a lot of times

[Catarine]

I don't agree on 2+ to be too high body count.
Are you talking about simultaneus dating 2 men but fucking one and not another or not one dating them one after another? If its happening at the same time its wrong on her part, why would she date 2 guys thats cheating and unexcusable.
if she had a boyfriend and after breakup another men he should expect for her to give it to him. Do you hear yourself after the second boyfriend she is for the streets in your opinion, why would women hook up with you if you see them like that, you' could use them and dump them and they will be even more worthless after you. Thats why its important to not put up to any men and make sure they are going to be worth it

[Chthou95]

@Catarine im talking about hooking up before meeting the guy she wants a relationship with

[Catarine]

Well you can't know a strangers past, but i'm guessing these women wouldn't interest you anyways because they probably have 2+ bodies. A traditional type girl will make anyone wait at least 2/3 months to make sure you two are compatable as a couple before having sex
If you expect to get laid and feel intitled to it, like its your right she surely felt that, you probably have a personality she didn't like

[Chthou95]

@Catarine No one said anything about entitlement. But the logic doesn't make any sense. And the man could be less attractive than them. Alpha fucks, beta bucks display

[Catarine]

Both suck. Just be a man without using greek letters to describe yourself

[Chthou95]

@Catarine Im not describing. Im describing how women think and their flawed logic

[purplepoppy]

I'll guarantee if she makes you wait months she'll only make the next guy wait days when she dumps you.

[spartan55]

Truth

[Ninania]

If you don't respect your partner's autonomy and boundaries, you don't care enough to truly love them.

[boobliker]

Well, I would say if you feel like it's time to make love then you have left it too long so get to it and start enjoying what Adam & Eve did many years ago. enjoy life you only have one.

[Likes2drive]

I don’t agree, in fact if they make me wait months I will think they are not interested in me that way and move on since sex is a part of intimacy and love

[thegreenyogi]

Totally Agree!!