Girls, How do you have fun being in a relationship or forming a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I find myself having serious conversations because I want to weed out the men who don't share the same ideals/values as me. If they have certain red flags or deal breakers I can't look past. I reveal things about me that I will never compromise on and I reveal them so if we don't have the same values then we'd end things now to save time. I thoroughly vet them because I don't want to be with someone who scars me or doesn't deserve me. However, I'm noticing I'm feeling this anxiety while in my mind I nitpick every little thing. I'm finding myself burnt out and stressed out. I wonder how women stay happy when it comes to dating and forming relationships. I don't mean to take the fun out of everything but I'm really afraid with dating someone who isn't a good person/misogynist so I really need to make sure. But I'm feeling all over the place and destroyed. How do I stop feeling this way and how do I have fun? I can't stop myself from vetting him.

[whoknowsb]

I think you can’t tell how the person is if you don’t take the risk. Ofc there are several behaviours in a normal routine that you can identify as a red flag, but if the person is worth it or not (which i believe everyone is worth it, like, that just sounds wrong), it is, if you can get along well you have to try it. Yes, can sound scary but if you don’t take the risk you will never know. Trust yourself and your normal daily boundaries. Like, it is a person with good things and flaws, so it will never be perfect. It is a question of seeing what counts most in the balance. But then again, only if you try it. Get to know people, be open minded, don’t think already about dating or more with a person. Like, step by step you can see how it goes. And you will realise how you are evolving and if it seems right or wrong. Above all, be honest with yourself and with the others. Communicate. That are those true factors that keep people connected, as a friendship or a romantic relationship

[whoknowsb]

Also, i like to think that nothing is granted, people change, the relationship in itself changes. And that is normal, the values remain or change. Staying is good but leaving is also fine. We are not immortal, how can we expect to these relationships last forever? If you see it as a process and not a goal, then you will enjoy every second of it, as a learning, and as something you will never regret. Because you took the risk, you let yourself see where you wanted to go, you were free

[Asker]

Wow, thank you for that. I needed to hear this. That's exactly what I will do. I will see it as a process and not a goal. Because I am putting this pressure on myself to make sure he's the right man if we were to get married. However it's like I don't know if I see myself married to him or even if I want to get married to him. I'm jumping the gun and right now I should be trying to have fun and letting myself go. Thank you again for your insight.

[whoknowsb]

well, i am just glad i could help somehow :) hope it goes well, and above all, that you have fun in the middle :)